Your 'stop getting Bond wrong' moments

[DrGreggles]

My mate Dallas getting Victor Meldrew wrong might be the most I've ever laughed at anything (that didn't involve someone falling into a pond*).

It was the combination of his misplaced confidence in his ability as an impressionist, the stunningly inaccurate voice, and the fact that he thought the catchphrase was "I don't believe you".
Who knew that something could be so bad so quickly.


_{*I'm now giggling about that again}

[Twonty Gostelow]

Does "pronouncing Bowie wrong" count? Because I cannot let it lie. It proper boils my piss because it's not like some obscure name you only ever see written down, you've heard it pronounced correctly on TV and radio and everywhere all the fucking time and you're doing it on purpose aren't you

[Cerys]

Someone I knew was convinced that the Hal Man Half Biscuit lyric 'if you ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow, you need butter, milk and cheese and an equilateral chainsaw' actually ended 'and an equilateral cheeseboard.' He quoted it to me while laughing loudly. I didn't have the heart to tell him he was wrong.

I always thought it was 'buttermilk and cheese'.  Thunderdome?

[Pink Gregory]

People spelling led as lead. The Guardian does this multiple times a day.

'Pour over' instead of 'pore over'.  Brrrrr

[Jockice]

As a kid one of our group could never say the word launderette correctly. He always said laundryette which irked the fuck out of me at the time. As he was the biggest and toughest amongst our gang no one ever dared correct him so it went by unpunished... mind you the occasions when a gaggle of fourteen(ish) year old boys discussed going down the laundryette were few and far between so I have no idea why I still recall it.

Chimbley.

Fuck right off.

[smudge1971]

Someone I knew was convinced that the Hal Man Half Biscuit lyric 'if you ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow, you need butter, milk and cheese and an equilateral chainsaw' actually ended 'and an equilateral cheeseboard.' He quoted it to me while laughing loudly. I didn't have the heart to tell him he was wrong.

A nice bloke I work with, ironically from Birkenhead, spotted my HMHB t=shirt and began to let on to me each morning with some Biscuits-related witticism always beginning "Have you heard?" as in "Have you heard? There's gonna be an outbreak of Vitas Gerulatis."

One morning he said "Have you heard? Stevie reads books about kleptomania."
So, he has misheard the word that makes two jokes out of the line. I couldn't bear to crush him; he's such a nice lad

[Jockice]

I always thought it was 'buttermilk and cheese'.  Thunderdome?

I've never heard of buttermilk until this moment. But it does exist. So who knows.

I've no doubt mentioned the story on here before about the time a colleague wrote an article about The Longpigs which ended with the words 'someday they'll get their comeuppance' as he was under the impression it meant the same as 'just desserts.'

Anyway, I was in a meditation class (the last of a series of six)  a couple of days later when I suddenly had a vision of an Airplane-style queue of people with varying weapons lining up to hit Hawley, Hunt and co and burst into hysterical laughter. I ended up having to leave the room to calm down, went back in and immediately started again. And that was the end of my flirtation with Buddhism.

[pigamus]

Nob instead of knob

[jobotic]

My mate Dallas getting Victor Meldrew wrong might be the most I've ever laughed at anything (that didn't involve someone falling into a pond*).

It was the combination of his misplaced confidence in his ability as an impressionist, the stunningly inaccurate voice, and the fact that he thought the catchphrase was "I don't believe you".
Who knew that something could be so bad so quickly.


_{*I'm now giggling about that again}

I have a friend who quoted Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes

"What you looking at Willis?"

[Twonty Gostelow]

I've no doubt mentioned the story on here before about the time a colleague wrote an article about The Longpigs which ended with the words 'someday they'll get their comeuppance' as he was under the impression it meant the same as 'just desserts.'

But they do mean the same thing really. Usually "just deserts" (note spelling, see me after class) is associated with punishment rather than meaning "the recognition they deserve". (Obviously your friend was still amusingly off though.)

[DrGreggles]

I have a friend who quoted Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes

"What you looking at Willis?"

Did he also sound like a constipated Yorkshireman at the time?

[El Unicornio, mang]

Friend at uni insisted the phrase was "say boo to a ghost". He said "say boo to a goose" didn't make sense because geese aren't scary. I tried explaining that was exactly why it made sense but he was having none of it.

[Josef K]

That quote attributed to Nye Bevan, "the NHS will last as long as there's folk with faith left to fight for it", that was actually invented for TV drama about Nye Bevan is a particular bugbear of mine, especially working in an NHS charity where I see it crop up *all the time*.

It's well-meaning and a nice sentiment but I constantly feel like a miserable pedant when I point out it it's apocryphal.

[salr]

No, your mates saxo VTR Cannont do 140mph

[PaulTMA]

Anyone who refers to Bowie as 'Starman'.   This seemed to become a thing for utter dafties moments after the news of his death broke.

[jobotic]

Lots of these examples arent 'stop getting Bond wrong' moments though, are they?

Stop getting "Your 'stop getting Bond wrong' moments" wrong

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

"It's Roy SCHEIDER, not fucking ROY SCHNEIDER"

It's AYKROYD, not ACKROYD. I know I should just accept that people will always get this wrong, but I can't.

[Gurke and Hare]

Trump seems to have done some rant overnight about how it was Americans that invented the telephone and the internet. Twitter is full of people pointing out that Alexander Graham Bell was Scottish (fine) and Tim Berners-Lee is English (aaaarrrggghhhh). I'm almost having to physically hold myself back from replying "The internet isn't the same thing as the World Wide Web." to all of them.

[Sherringford Hovis]

People saying "shite" annoys me. Robbing "shit" of its staccato onomatopoeic majesty. If you're no Geordie, it's no alreet.

[buzby]

I always thought it was 'buttermilk and cheese'.  Thunderdome?

I've never heard of buttermilk until this moment. But it does exist. So who knows.

It's definitely "butter, milk and cheese", as it's a reference to the song lyrics in the old Dairylea advert (the ingredients for Dairylea cheese spread include butter, skimmed milk and cheese, but not buttermilk). Buttermilk is a byproduct of the butter-making process and usually used in baking, not making cheese

[Jockice]

I've never heard of buttermilk until this moment. But it does exist. So who knows.

It's definitely "butter, milk and cheese", as it's a reference to the song lyrics in the old Dairylea advert (the ingredients for Dairylea cheese spread include butter, skimmed milk and cheese, but not buttermilk). Buttermilk is a byproduct of the butter-making process and usually used in baking, not making cheese

Glad I've got one right following my comeuppance/just deserts disaster.

[Cerys]

I've never heard of buttermilk until this moment. But it does exist. So who knows.

It's definitely "butter, milk and cheese", as it's a reference to the song lyrics in the old Dairylea advert (the ingredients for Dairylea cheese spread include butter, skimmed milk and cheese, but not buttermilk).

Given how often I belt out that line at random moments, I'm so embarrassed.

[dissolute ocelot]

My children tried that. I countered with why aren't the other letters called 'Feff', 'Lell', 'Mem', 'Nen', 'Sess' and 'Wubble-U' then?

(My children now regularly argue me into the ground...)

The Arabic and Hebrew alphabets both manage this, and the Arabic has 28 letters (lam, mim, nun, ha, etc). Sheer laziness from the Europeans.

[Hand Solo]

funny thing is that no one has a problem with the knife

Reason:

[Twit 2]

"reach a crescendo"

[notjosh]

Saw someone write 'LOLed' on twitter and got annoyed that it should be 'LedOL'.

[rectorofstiffkey]

The one that gives me the rage is where someone writes 'off his own back' instead of 'bat'.  I've even seen that in university references ("He gained work experience off his own back" wtf?)

[Noodle Lizard]

There's a bit in the (low-quality) sitcom Benidorm where Johnny Vegas's "Lancashire pub quiz champion" character is hanging around whilst his mum and another couple are doing a crossword and getting all the answers wrong, but completely ignoring his (correct) suggestions. When he finally explodes in a very "stop getting Bond wrong" way, they all unanimously say "It's just a game, why does it matter?"

That's pretty much me with my family, albeit largely internal, especially when it came to pub quizzes or Christmas trivia games. Maddening when everyone else at the table agrees that the correct answer to "which musician was known as the Father of Rock and Roll?" is Paul McCartney, and retorts "that's just your opinion" when you insist that it's Chuck Berry. If they'd guessed Elvis, I could at least forgive that. But Paul McCartney?! That incident in particular has probably had a devastating effect on my relationships with people.

[Spiteface]

People who still spell the name of Fender's budget subsidiary brand as "Squire"

It's been on the headstocks of their guitars for decades, it's SQUIER.

Annoys the hell out of me, that.

[Thursday]

Guy I knew at school thought "Basketball Heads" was called "Basketball Diaries."