Unintentionally funny, shit sentences

[Gregory Torso]

from Stephen King's "The Running Man":

The cop relaxed, his face subtle and Chinese with disappointment.

Soon they all stood stripped and anonymous, penises dangling between their legs like forgotten warclubs.

His anus felt hot and embarrassed

[Twonty Gostelow]

Yes, I said yes, I will, Yes.

From James Joyce's Ulysses, when Molly Bloom is asked "will you name the band who released Wind and Wuthering?"

[Twonty Gostelow]

^ Forgot I'd posted that - it seemed funny at the time, sorry.

Best I can come up with at the moment is from the novel 'Fear', the scene a college professor's house.

Somewhere there was a scurrying sound as though a scholarly rat had been annoyed while gnawing on some learned tome.

Oh, that sort of scurrying.

[Keebleman]

From James Joyce's Ulysses, when Molly Bloom is asked "will you name the band who released Wind and Wuthering?"

Wind and Wuthering was a Genesis album.  Or is that the joke?  Sorry.

[Twonty Gostelow]

Wind and Wuthering was a Genesis album.  Or is that the joke?  Sorry.

Yeah, that's the joke. If it was Tales from Topographic Oceans her answer wouldn't have been "unintentionally funny and shit".

I am a hoot.

[Dex Sawash]

"She kissed him right there on the service road"

Don't remember if there were any commas

[bgmnts]

Rowf's rump slid suddenly forward as smoothly as a turd from a healthy anus, and dropped out of sight.

[Keebleman]

I think it was William Goldman who swore he had seen this sentence in some tacky airport novel:

"His eyes slid down the front of her dress."

[Andy147]

Craig Brown has written that he was once planning to parody Jackie Collins in Private Eye, so was reading one of her novels to get some idea of her style, and found it included the sentence "Men flipped over her nipples", at which point he decided she was beyond parody.

[Panbaams]

I've just started Jeffrey Archer's Kane and Abel, which was recently available for free on Kindle. Could he really be that bad?

Thank God it's a boy, she thought, understanding for the first time how Anne Boleyn must have felt.

Yep.

[buttgammon]

"Now I know how Anne Boleyn felt..."

[petercussing]

"The room was cold and smelled of parents"

[Panbaams]

I've just started Jeffrey Archer's Kane and Abel, which was recently available for free on Kindle. Could he really be that bad?

Yep.

This is too easy.

Both boys lay motionless, Wladek because he was dazed by the blow and the weight of Leon's body on top of him, and Leon because he was dead.

[bgmnts]

That one got me hard. Was that meant to be one of those matter of fact reveals? If not, i'd make the case that it reads like an intentionally funny line.

[samadriel]

That one got me hard.

Cripes!  It takes all sorts, I guess.

[Mister Six]

Was that meant to be one of those matter of fact reveals? If not, i'd make the case that it reads like an intentionally funny line.

Yeah, that's obviously a deadpan joke, surely?

[purlieu]

It's hard to tell with Jeffrey Archer, because he's written books called Only Time Will Tell, The Sins of the Father, Best Kept Secret, Be Careful What You Wish For, Mightier Than the Sword, Cometh the Hour, Not a Penny More Not a Penny Less, First Among Equals, A Matter of Honour, As the Crow Flies, Honour Among Thieves, False Impression and A Twist in the Tale. Someone whose oeuvre is almost entirely defined by cliches should probably be expected to write utter tripe.

I had a glance at a couple of his books when I worked in a book shop and his writing was painfully bad. Really clunky sixth form bullshit that nobody with an imagination or indeed a soul would ever have come up with.

[bgmnts]

from Stephen King's "The Running Man":

To continue the odd east asian descriptions, in The Stand:

The small men and women with the upslanted eyes looked at his caked forehead and bloody jacket sleeve with unsettling Oriental blandness.