Author Topic: Let's speculate on what crime my employee committed (Read 14244 times)

Non Stop Dancer · « **on:** July 07, 2020, 07:55:23 PM »

Had a call from an employee's family today saying that said employee had been arrested at his home on Friday, and was still in custody. Either didn't know why or didn't want to say. Friend of friend who's a copper said the only way he'd still be held by police today is on a very serious charge e.g murder, which just isn't the case.

He therefore said what will have happened is that he's actually been charged with something and is in custody pending a court hearing. Thing is, especially with the way things are right now, what could he possibly have done to warrant that?

Serious answers sought but will happily accept nonsense as well.

Dog Botherer · « **Reply #1 on:** July 07, 2020, 07:56:25 PM »

your employee is famous paedophile Ghislaine Maxwell

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:09:28 PM »

Traffic cone theft, littering and bestiality.

buttgammon · « **Reply #3 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:11:02 PM »

Perhaps a silly question but is this definitely not a lie? Though why would anyone get their family to say they've been arrested?

Nonsense answer: offences against waterfowl

imitationleather · « **Reply #4 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:13:24 PM »

Pulled off a statue.

Non Stop Dancer · « **Reply #5 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:13:53 PM »

Quote from: buttgammon on July 07, 2020, 08:11:02 PM

Perhaps a silly question but is this definitely not a lie? Though why would anyone get their family to say they've been arrested?

Nonsense answer: offences against waterfowl

There's no way he would want us to think he'd been arrested. We've got a good relationship and if he was ill, he knows it's not an issue.

pancreas · « **Reply #6 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:16:28 PM »

Quote from: imitationleather on July 07, 2020, 08:13:24 PM

Pulled off a statue.

I was trying to be energetic!

Lord Mandrake · « **Reply #7 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:17:44 PM »

Operation Eternal seems to match the dates. Naughty!

holyzombiejesus · « **Reply #8 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:18:24 PM »

He said he was English.

Shit Good Nose · « **Reply #9 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:19:13 PM »

Broke into prison to suck Ron Jeremy's cock now that Ron can't suck it himself.

Kryton · « **Reply #10 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:20:25 PM »

Dropped a statue on a nonce.

ProvanFan · « **Reply #11 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:22:45 PM »

He's Zero Cool

His Name Is Death · « **Reply #12 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:24:50 PM »

pigamus · « **Reply #13 on:** July 07, 2020, 08:27:13 PM »

He thought the second Juliet Bravo was better than the first Juliet Bravo

Lisa Jesusandmarychain · « **Reply #14 on:** July 07, 2020, 09:10:02 PM »

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 07, 2020, 08:09:28 PM

Traffic cone theft, littering and bestiality.

Simon Raven considers title rewrite for his 1971 screenplay.

JaDanketies · « **Reply #15 on:** July 07, 2020, 09:14:15 PM »

SWIM recently got in trouble for some rather mundane, low-level violent offences at the start of lockdown and only just got out, they spent the whole time remanded in custody until their court date.

Goldentony · « **Reply #16 on:** July 07, 2020, 09:32:47 PM »

oh my god he's IN JAIL OH MY FUCKEN GOD

DrGreggles · « **Reply #17 on:** July 07, 2020, 09:57:00 PM »

~~Is he in Kasabian?~~
Did he used to be in Kasabian?

icehaven · « **Reply #18 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:02:23 PM »

Quote from: Non Stop Dancer on July 07, 2020, 07:55:23 PM

He therefore said what will have happened is that he's actually been charged with something and is in custody pending a court hearing. Thing is, especially with the way things are right now, what could he possibly have done to warrant that?

Any number of offences really, but while I'm not too up on exactly what the criteria is for deciding whether someone is remanded or released on bail, it must be something serious-ish, maybe assault or something drug related? Do you know if he has any previous?

Quote from: JaDanketies on July 07, 2020, 09:14:15 PM

SWIM recently got in trouble for some rather mundane, low-level violent offences at the start of lockdown and only just got out, they spent the whole time remanded in custody until their court date.

That's still quite quick, it's not uncommon to have to wait at least 6 months to go to court, often longer. Someone I worked with last year was arrested in January and his court date was November. It was supposed to be earlier but the prosecution asked for it to be pushed back at least twice as they needed more time to gather evidence. Obviously that can't go on indefinitely but again it's quite common, particularly with complex cases where there's lots of defendants involved (e.g. drug importation conspiracies) or extremely serious cases (e.g. murder) where the defendant is potentially looking at a long sentence.

Marner and Me · « **Reply #19 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:13:38 PM »

Burgled turds?

PlanktonSideburns · « **Reply #20 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:19:47 PM »

Imagine if he was phoning to pull a sickie, panicked, did a voice, and made this up o the spot

TheBrownBottle · « **Reply #21 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:24:41 PM »

Just hope you’ve got enough ‘buffers’ between you and your employee, and you should be fine

Twonty Gostelow · « **Reply #22 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:26:14 PM »

Loitering with intent to use a pedestrian crossing.

Non Stop Dancer · « **Reply #23 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:35:28 PM »

Quote from: icehaven on July 07, 2020, 11:02:23 PM

Any number of offences really, but while I'm not too up on exactly what the criteria is for deciding whether someone is remanded or released on bail, it must be something serious-ish, maybe assault or something drug related? Do you know if he has any previous?

I can't conceive if him being violent really, he's just not the type. As for drugs, he was a party animal in a past life and has been pretty open about drug use at that point in his life. I wouldn't put it past him to still indulge from time to time but in terms of dealing, again I would be very surprised.

I mean, it could conceivably be something catching up with him from any point in his life really couldn't it. Fuck knows.

Alberon · « **Reply #24 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:54:54 PM »

Walking in a loud shirt in a built-up area during the hours of darkness?

Wonderful Butternut · « **Reply #25 on:** July 07, 2020, 11:58:14 PM »

Fucked a horse.

steve98 · « **Reply #26 on:** July 08, 2020, 12:00:35 AM »

Quote from: Wonderful Butternut on July 07, 2020, 11:58:14 PM

Fucked a horse.

That isn't a crime (Unless the horse says neigh)

Pearly-Dewdrops Drops · « **Reply #27 on:** July 08, 2020, 01:11:10 AM »

Flagrant balding.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse · « **Reply #28 on:** July 08, 2020, 01:29:18 AM »

walking around while black

Cerys · « **Reply #29 on:** July 08, 2020, 04:21:39 AM »

Squeezing sponges over policemen's heads.

News:

Author Topic: Let's speculate on what crime my employee committed (Read 14244 times)