Let's speculate on what crime my employee committed

[Kelvin]

I'm always reading that it's illegal to be a straight, white man nowadays. Could he have recently done that?

[Sherringford Hovis]

Possession of curly black hair and thick lips tends to get the book thrown at you too.

[Bazooka]

Possession of curly black hair and thick lips tends to get the book thrown at you too.

Leo Sayer?

[GMTV]

Imagine if he was phoning to pull a sickie, panicked, did a voice, and made this up o  the spot

And then to cover himself ultimately had to commit a serious crime and ensure he was caught.

[Old Gold Tooth]

He's just the fall guy. The real criminal is still out there.

[dissolute ocelot]

It's common to be refused bail if you're up for something like perverting the course of justice, interfering with a police investigation, threatening witnesses, jury tampering, bribing public officials, etc. Maybe he killed a judge by beating him to death with his own gavel[nb]The judge collected antique gavels because of course English judges don't use gavels in court.[/nb], or tried to frame you for noncing.

[touchingcloth]

Besides the Ghislaine comment, how has no one yet suggested that maybe this guy has been arrested and thrown in jail for a spot of the old noncery?

Is her German? Maybe he's the guy what did Maddie.

[Inspector Norse]

Maybe he killed a judge by beating him to death with his own gavel, or tried to frame you for noncing.

You can't frame someone who's actually guilty.

[steve98]

Besides the Ghislaine comment, how has no one yet suggested that maybe this guy has been arrested and thrown in jail for a spot of the old noncery?

Is her German? Maybe he's the guy what did Maddie.

I'm sure we all thought of it, but acted dumb and hoped someone else would suggest it.Yeah, it'll be noncery alright, shame.

[Dex Sawash]

Embezzlement

[Bently Sheds]

Bummed a fez.

[kngen]

A mate of mine got caught dealing Class As and was out by midnight after being charged. Another friend of mine was arrested having a piss up a lane, and spent the night in fucking BARLINNIE because they couldn't get in touch with his mum to confirm his address (even though they lifted him at his front door).

It's entirely arbitrary, unfortunately, and is probably more to do with whether or not you've pissed off the arresting officers or not (so prob 'breach of the peace' or something nebulous).

Oh, and the police can often play fast and loose with the 24 hour charging period if it falls over the weekend (liberty only applying during business hours, of course). If you get lifted on Friday night, you won't be getting your shoelaces back until Monday morning, regardless of what that silly notion of habeas corpus says)

[PlanktonSideburns]

Are you going to tell us when you find out?

[Blinder Data]

I worked a summer job at a bar and a colleague had to phone up to say he couldn't come in because he got arrested. It was for dealing class As but he seemed totally taken aback by the accusation as he had only ever been an infrequent partaker (though he could've been lying). He turned up for the next shift and I think it was eventually judged to be a big misunderstanding.

So I'm gonna guess DRUGS

[Sebastian Cobb]

A mate of mine got caught dealing Class As and was out by midnight after being charged. Another friend of mine was arrested having a piss up a lane, and spent the night in fucking BARLINNIE because they couldn't get in touch with his mum to confirm his address (even though they lifted him at his front door).

It's entirely arbitrary, unfortunately, and is probably more to do with whether or not you've pissed off the arresting officers or not (so prob 'breach of the peace' or something nebulous).

Oh, and the police can often play fast and loose with the 24 hour charging period if it falls over the weekend (liberty only applying during business hours, of course). If you get lifted on Friday night, you won't be getting your shoelaces back until Monday morning, regardless of what that silly notion of habeas corpus says)

Yeah I thought it was pretty common for drunks to stay in all weekend even if it's a drunken misdemeanour rather than a serious crime.

One of my mates got jumped by 2 lads when he was walking home and managed to fend them off by chinning them. He got a night in the cells. In the morning they showed the cctv showing exactly that and he pointed out he didn't start it and he was defending himself and they more or less said 'yeah but we've got to nick someone'. Charges dropped.

I've also heard of people being complete nuisances to the point bouncers have had to sit on them until the police arrive and the police just dropping them off round the back of the station because they can't be fucked.

[JaDanketies]

don't forget, even passing a spliff to your mate is 'dealing', let alone giving them a line of coke or an ecstasy tablet. I'm more concerned about the social distancing implications

[Sebastian Cobb]

don't forget, even passing a spliff to your mate is 'dealing'

That really depends on how much you upset the police or how puritanical your local force is. Some of them have more or less said they're not going to touch users. Some have hinted they'll even turn a blind eye to personal growth.

[Ambient Sheep]

It's either paedoing or this:

Operation Eternal seems to match the dates. Naughty!

(which is covered in this thread.)


I tend to suspect the former.  Why?  Because if it were the latter, I suspect his family would have fibbed and said he was seriously ill instead.

Maybe I'm stupid, but the only reason I can think of for a family member to cheerfully ring up and say "Yup, he's been arrested" is because they were happy enough for it to have occurred.  Thus: paedoing.

[Pingers]

Broad rule of thumb is that if you're remanded it's an indication you'll likely get prison, not a cast iron method though. Friday-Tuesday does seem a long time, I'd guess he's fessed to something reasonably serious or they'd have arrested and bailed him then released him under investigation.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm going to counter all this serious crime speculation with he's serially failed to pay court imposed fines and is now doing a short stint of bird for it.

[pancreas]

Trained a swan to attack lesbians.

[Cerys]

Trained a lesbian to attack swans.

[Thomas]

I imagine he's been arrested for working for an illegal business, and is currently snitching on his terrible employer.

[imitationleather]

I imagine he's been arrested for working for an illegal business, and is currently snitching on his terrible employer.

Bingo!

[JaDanketies]

I'm always reading that it's illegal to be a straight, white man nowadays. Could he have recently done that?

maybe he said he was English

[ollyboro]

He's possibly obstructed a bat roost, not paid some parking fines or been the instigator of a brutal sexual assault.

[touchingcloth]

Maybe he ignored the paperclip when it told him he had performed an illegal operation.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Done a holocaust.

[dissolute ocelot]

Trained a lesbian to attack swans.

It's pure instinct, put a lesbian in a field with some swans and it's fucking carnage.

Maybe it was a sex game gone wrong. Or a particularly gripping game of monopoly. Wait, can you get sent to jail without being arrested?

[paruses]

It's pure instinct, put a lesbian in a field with some swans and it's fucking carnage.

Maybe it was a sex game gone wrong. Or a particularly gripping game of monopoly. Wait, can you get sent to jail without being arrested?

These days you can if you say you are English