Mentally replacing things with rude words compulsively

[madhair60]

I was looking at a compilation of 90s kid's TV and happened to see the old Coco Pops jingle "I'd rather have a bowl of Coco Pops", and my brain just took over and replaced it with "I'd rather have a bumhole full of cocks"

Does anyone else do this without any real control over themselves?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

do what now

what is this madness

[Goldentony]

yeah in school we used to sing to we didnt start the fire by b joel

WE DIDNT START THE FIRE
IT WAS A BALDY BASTARD
WITH A BOX OF MATCHES

WE DIDNT START THE FIRE
IT WAS THE FUCKIN BASTARD
WITH THE FUCKIN MATCHES 

and when we used to do a hymn called walk in the light even at age 8 nothing could stop you going

WALK IN THE SHITE
WALK IN THE SHITE OF THE LORD

[Goldentony]

I removed the shite story, wrong thread lads

[DrGreggles]

The 'Parkinson' theme ends with "let's have a look at your cock, let's have a look at your balls".

[Wonderful Butternut]

I do this all the time. And not in a clever way either. Sometimes I just replace the melody of a song or theme tune with continuous streams of expletives.

[non capisco]

Same here. So much puerile rubbish going through my head all the time to instrumental theme tunes since as far back as I can remember. I sometimes forget the Eastenders music doesn't actually go "We're a load of cockney cunts. Cahm and 'ave a go, cause we're facking cockneys." I misremember that as a single version Anita Dobson released in the mid 80s.

Star Wars "Bollocks. Look at my bollocks. These are my bollocks. That is my cock." Hilarious.

Countdown clock music "Ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, this is much too hard, mate. Ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, bollocks, bollocks, ran out of time. (bowwwww!)" Side splitting.

Last Of The Summer Wine: "I'm old and I've shat my pants. I've only gone and shat my pants. I always bloody shit my pants. It happens all the time." Compassion leaking out of that one.

*Brian Butterfield voice* AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!!

[jobotic]

All the time.

Was singing "I feel it up my arsehole, I feel it up my cunt" to myself when Love Is All Around was playing in the supermarket yesterday.

[madhair60]

Cackling at this thread

[Sin Agog]

I promised my dear old ma t'other day that I'd only stop being an annoying bollock if she agreed to sing The Kinks' Days with the word Days replaced with Gays.  Ye Gods, I almost died when she bluntly blurted out the final gays here.  (I know, uncool, but I'm not exactly cis so whatever).


Thank you for the gays
Those endless gays, those sacred gays you gave me
I'm thinking of the gays
I won't forget a single gay, believe me
Gays

[flotemysost]

Where I live (near Tower Bridge) is ripe with area names that are a whisker away from childish permutation.

Shad Thames? You mean SHAG Thames ahaha

Dockhead? More like DICKHEAD ahhh (that one's almost too obvious)

Cutty Sark? Sounds like SLUTTY SHARK lol!!!

Mudchute? How about... well, that one already just sounds like another word for an arsehole doesn't it?

Also do it with mundane everyday activities (taking a screen shit, checking FaceFuck, etc.)

[Sin Agog]

Your post reminds me of the time my dad had to go on the radio to tell the harbour master that he was about to dock at the marina.  He has pretty bad autism and for some reason his brain would just stop functioning properly every time he turned on that fucking radio.  Instead of saying 'Santorini [the boat name] to pierhead' like he was supposed to, he somehow mangled it into 'Soderella to penishead.'

[drummersaredeaf]

We built this city
We built this city on cock and minge

[petril]

Star Wars "Bollocks. Look at my bollocks. These are my bollocks. That is my cock." Hilarious.

Star Wars was always "Star Trek, Next Generay-" because it was to me the same as the Paramount telly jingle. and no swearing either. Later it was a slightly messy graft of Adam Buxton's Star Trek song, which was fine when I was about 17

[Twonty Gostelow]

We built this city
We built this city on cock and minge

"We milked this titty on cock and balls" for me, Clive lactophiles.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

jingle bell jingle bell jingle bell fuck
jingle bell shit and jingle bell piss
everyone jingle shit jingle and bollocks
that's the jingle bell fuck

giddy up jingle horse bollocky fuck
shit and cunt and arse

Then I was asked to leave the supermarket.

[idunnosomename]

basically this is my whole life but i cant think of a single example at the moment. woe

[Dex Sawash]

We built this city
We built this city on cock and minge

This song is shitty
This song is shitty, not rock and roll

[TheBrownBottle]

Viz once printed a letter where someone claimed that they'd made up words to the Match of the Day theme, and now it was stuck in their head:

'Fuck off you fucking bastards,
Fuck off you fucking cunts' (repeat)

That is now stuck in my head, too.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Same here. So much puerile rubbish going through my head all the time to instrumental theme tunes since as far back as I can remember. I sometimes forget the Eastenders music doesn't actually go "We're a load of cockney cunts. Cahm and 'ave a go, cause we're facking cockneys." I misremember that as a single version Anita Dobson released in the mid 80s.

Star Wars "Bollocks. Look at my bollocks. These are my bollocks. That is my cock." Hilarious.

Countdown clock music "Ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, this is much too hard, mate. Ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, ain't got a fucking clue, bollocks, bollocks, ran out of time. (bowwwww!)" Side splitting.

Last Of The Summer Wine: "I'm old and I've shat my pants. I've only gone and shat my pants. I always bloody shit my pants. It happens all the time." Compassion leaking out of that one.

*Brian Butterfield voice* AND THAT'S NOT ALL!!!

Woke wife up chuckling at theas

[Twonty Gostelow]

Viz once printed a letter where someone claimed that they'd made up words to the Match of the Day theme, and now it was stuck in their head:

'Fuck off you fucking bastards,
Fuck off you fucking cunts' (repeat)

Definitely needs another fucking in the first line to scan.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Yes I'm addicted to this. Driving around in the car on my own is my playground, having a nice loud sing with all rude words. Kids TV show themes tend to pop into my head these days, which is a very dangerous game as I don't want my son to hear my new lyrics for Paw Patrol - "Her cunt's too big my cock's too small"

[Cuellar]

Childish rubbish

[Sin Agog]

Childish rubbish

Heh. Rub.  As in rub one out.  On a vagina.

[Jerzy Bondov]

By the way the more puerile and nonsensical it is the better. If it requires too much thought then you're doing it wrong.

[Marner and Me]

Puerile nonsense gibberish. I think it is humour at its best. Something spontaneous and funny. 

[Buelligan]

Cackling at this thread

Cackling always conjures a serving of crispy russet shit, with apple sauce.  That sort of thing.

Glad I'm a vegetarian really.

[non capisco]

Mudchute? How about... well, that one already just sounds like another word for an arsehole doesn't it?

A mate of mine used to live there and I always heard it to the tune of Tina Turner's 'Nutbush City Limits' for some reason. "They call it Mudchute. Ohhhhh, Mudchute. Mudchute's shitty, innit?"

[eifion]

Every Friday driving back from the chip shop with Radio 4 on: "It's the fucking ar-Archers. It's the fucking Archers. It's the fucking ar-Archers, on the radio. It's the Archers, it's the Archers, on the radio. It's the fucking ar-Archers on the radio. Then I turn the radio off.

[jobotic]

Same here. So much puerile rubbish going through my head all the time to instrumental theme tunes since as far back as I can remember. I sometimes forget the Rearenders music doesn't actually go "We're a load of cockney cunts. Cahm and 'ave a go, cause we're facking cockneys." I misremember that as a single version Anita Dobson released in the mid 80s.