Mentally replacing things with rude words compulsively

[Thursday]

More like.... mentally replacing mings with poo'd words cockpulsively.

[Hand Solo]

I do.. the opposite.

[Smeraldina Rima]

I've been experimenting with these words to go along with the " Coronation Street" theme

Weeee're... such a bunch of cunts
Yes, We're a bunch of cunts
We're a right bunch of cunts
And We're Northern
( which makes it worse)

Some early Morrissey influence, here.

This reminds me of my favourite consecutive posts:

#
Anyone can fall in love
That's the easy part, you must keep it going
Anyone can fall in love
Over the years, it has to keep growing
Sun and rain
Joy and pain
There's highs - there's lows
We've no way of knowing.
#


That's what I sing, every time Coronation Street comes on.

Heh, good one.

Anyone can suck my cock
Anyone but you,
You're ugly, you're stupid
Anyone can suck my cock
Anyone but you
You stupid disgusting slaaaaaaaaag

Is what I sing to the Eastenders theme (that's not got the slower middle bit, though...). A few poeple posted this sort of thing in GD a while ago but I think it got swallowed up in a things thread or something, I'm glad there's a new one now.

Another good one that stuck - and made up on the spot - by Glebe:

This is a bit annoying, because myself and an old friend used to make up our own irreverent, meaningless words to pretty much anything, but I can't think of anything right now... tell you what, I'll make up some lyrics right now, for... oh, let's say the Terry and June theme:

It's an incredible load of boll-ocks
When you goooooo outside
To enjoy a deck chair and orange
With the wife, wife, wife!

My seat is really... gre-a-at...
Yes it's really... gre-a-at...
Now watch out, JU-UNE,
You will fall! etc.

(Trumpet blowsily mocks throughout.)

[Dex Sawash]

I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas Day IT WAS BORING

Can't wait for Christmas now.

[petril]

Chaaaa Koooo Taaaay's such a bollocks,
his tattoo's shit,
he's Daz Sampson,
the Bus Stop cunt
from nineteen nine-
ty eeeeeeeight

Paaaaaarrriiiss iiiiisss Nick Locarno,
from Tee Enn Gee,
he should be dead,
he's not the cunt,
'fuck's sake,

Giiiiinger wee captain and her caffeine,
talks shite,
piiiiity her cos,
her best mate
was in Bus Stop,

Tuvok was in Spaceballs,
he couldn't find shit,
he had a comb,
a fuck off comb,
for curls

worse than,
space Irish episode

[Cold Meat Platter]

You're so gay
You probably think this song is about you
You're so gay (you're so gay)
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you?
Don't you?

[Ambient Sheep]

And a round of applause, please, for

Another great one from that 2006 thread:

I often find myself singing this when cooking:

#
Ram it up your fucking arse
Ram it up your anus
Ram it up your fucking arse
Or Samantha Janus
#

To the Archer's theme tune (I hope radio is allowed).

[Smeraldina Rima]

Whoops, sorry Cerys.

[Marner and Me]

I often find myself singing this when cooking:

#
Ram it up your fucking arse
Ram it up your anus
Ram it up your fucking arse
Or Samantha Janus
#

To the Archer's theme tune (I hope radio is allowed).



Chance would be a fine thing.

[Blue Jam]

Singing love songs but replacing the word "heart" with "arse" is always a good one:

My Arse Will Go On
Total Eclipse Of The Arse
Listen To Your Arse
Un-break My Arse
Love's Got A Hold On My Arse

Etc etc.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

does anyone else occasionally find themselves so annoyed by a song that cursing isn't enough and it quickly descends into monster noises?

[Cerys]

Whoops, sorry Cerys.

I will hunt you down ;)

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

...Samantha Janus...

I remember a conversation a few years ago between Jonathan Ross and his producer on the former's radio show about how Janus is pronounced. The producer said it was pronounced with a short 'a' sound, i.e. like Jannus, and not... at which point Ross blurted out "Jarsehole!", before immediately apologising. Made me laugh anyway.

[flotemysost]

To the tune of "That's Amore" by Dean Martin:

"When the spunk starts to fly,
And hits you in the eye
That's Bukkake"

This one's morbid rather than rude, but every year without fail I hear the verse of 'Let It Snow' as Oh, the fire is slowly dying / And my dear, so am I(ing)

It just tickles me to imagine Dean Martin pretending he's about to cark it so he can get laid.

[The Mollusk]

I think the best one I came up with was to the tune of "Combine" by John Maus. Original lyrics are "I see the combine coming / It's gonna dust us all to nothing". My version is "I feel a cream pie coming / I'm gonna bust inside your gubbins".

[The Mollusk]

Singing love songs but replacing the word "heart" with "arse" is always a good one:

My Arse Will Go On
Total Eclipse Of The Arse
Listen To Your Arse
Un-break My Arse
Love's Got A Hold On My Arse

Etc etc.

Not a rude word but I do find myself replacing simple words like that with names of awful people. I enjoy replacing "lady" with "Ian Brady".

Tom Jones - She's a Lady

"Ian Brady!
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Ian Brady
Talkin' about Ian Brady!
Ian Brady is mine."

Or how about "Ian Brady's marmalaaaaade!"?

Or "Dude (Like Ian Brady)" by Aerosmith.

Or "HEEEEYYYY IAN BRADY! OPPA GANGNAM STYLE"

[Johnny Yesno]

When I get something out of the freezer:

And now it's solid
Solid as my cock
That's what this thing is
That's what I've got, oh, mmm

Solid, solid as my cock
But now I'll change it, wooh
The thrill is still fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I always like to sing " I see Elizabeth Hurley approaching " along to the chorus of " The Cutter" by Echo and the Bunnymen, but That's not really rude. I could always change it to " I see Elizabeth Hurley's big old minge", I suppose.

[rectorofstiffkey]

Balamory had songs for each character, and the song for PC Plum started:

'I'm PC Plum,
And I....'

providing a totally open goal for one's mind to auto-complete with something dirtier than the actual lyric, the disappointing 'And I'll tell you what I've done'.  (For anybody wondering, what PC Plum had done, he continues the song to inform us that he's 'been around this island more than once or twice'.  Bet you have, saucepot.)

Later on in that song, he sings

'With my magnifying glass,
I can....'

thus providing another golden dirty lyric opportunity and supporting my belief that the writers were actually doing this on purpose to amuse the parents.

[Blue Jam]

This one's morbid rather than rude, but every year without fail I hear the verse of 'Let It Snow' as Oh, the fire is slowly dying / And my dear, so am I(ing)

It just tickles me to imagine Dean Martin pretending he's about to cark it so he can get laid.

Same sentiment as Baby It's Cold Outside tbf.

[famethrowa]

Singing love songs but replacing the word "heart" with "arse" is always a good one:

My Arse Will Go On
Total Eclipse Of The Arse
Listen To Your Arse
Un-break My Arse
Love's Got A Hold On My Arse

Etc etc.

Also works well replacing "arms" with arse.

Bryan Adams?
Baby you're all that I want
When I'm lying here in your arse

or

I just died in your arse tonight

and so on

[petril]

this old BBC Video ident is what you'd call a Sweeney or a Gruey. where you can sing the name and it fits perfectly:

British Broad,
casting Cor,
poration

or, better(and sweary):
I'm a cunt,
You're a cunt,
We're all cunts

[The Culture Bunker]

Also works well replacing "arms" with arse.

Bryan Adams?
Baby you're all that I want
When I'm lying here in your arse

or

I just died in your arse tonight

and so on

A band I was in years ago, after a few drinks we'd try making popular songs entirely scatological, usually on the theme of shitting yourself. I can't remember much of our '(Everytime I Poo) I Follow Through' but the first line was "Look into my arse, you will see/a big shit escaping me".

[Johnny Yesno]

A classic from Viz:

[petril]

A band I was in years ago, after a few drinks we'd try making popular songs entirely scatological, usually on the theme of shitting yourself. I can't remember much of our '(Everytime I Poo) I Follow Through' but the first line was "Look into my arse, you will see/a big shit escaping me".

should've been one of the great Saturday morning telly moments. fuckers should've booked youse. ITV, of course

[Jerzy Bondov]

Walking on the Moon by The Police

Giant loads are what you eat
Sucking off some dudes

[H-O-W-L]

I always intentionally mishear the "Are you having a nice time?" lyric from The Fletcher Memorial Home as "Are you having anus time?" even though it makes no sense.

Re light my fire. Your cock is my only desire.

Oh, and my friend used to sing "Her penis is right around the corner" to We Like To Party by the Vengaboys.