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Urban Legends 2020

Started by flotemysost, July 13, 2020, 09:32:13 PM

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flotemysost

Inspired by the latest spooky stories thread, I thought I'd start one for urban legends, but not just the scary ones (I'm certain there's been others but I can't get the search to work).

[obvious tag]Gary goes back to HS Art disappointed[/obvious tag]

I heard one a couple of years ago via a mate, which seemed like yer classic implausible 'you'll never guess what happened to a friend of a friend at work' thing: 

QuoteYoung woman in her late 20s/early 30s, well paid consultancy job in the City, she and her boyfriend are living in a swanky rented new build flat overlooking the Thames - the sort with lifts, 24-hour concierge, plush John Lewis furnishings, etc. The woman (we'll call her 'Claire') works pretty long hours during the week, and often when she gets home she just wants to collapse on the bed, order takeaway and watch Netflix with her boyfriend.

One such evening, Claire got home after a hellish day of meetings, kicked off her shoes, crashed into the bedroom and was about flop onto the bed when she stopped in her tracks - the bed was a clear several inches further away from the wall than it would normally be. Frustrated and tired, she asked her boyfriend why he would choose that evening to start rearranging the furniture in the flat. He hadn't noticed anything and denied any tampering. Still annoyed, she shrugged and pushed it back.

The next week, the same thing happened. Again, the boyfriend, who as usual had arrived home a bit earlier that evening, denied any involvement. The week after that, it was a chair in the bedroom at a different angle; after that, a cushion in a new place. Still the same nonplussed denial from her boyfriend.

As the weeks went on and the furniture kept subtly migrating around the room, Claire's resentment, and growing suspicion that she was being gaslit, spilled into full-blown arguments with the boyfriend - culminating in them breaking up, and him moving out. But yep, even after he'd moved out... it kept happening.

Really freaked out now, Claire ordered a 'home spy camera' kit off Amazon, just a cheap amateur thing, but anything had to help her get to the bottom of whatever the fuck was going on here. She set it up in a hidden spot on a shelf, went to work as usual... then checked the footage that evening...

Well you've probably guessed/heard this already, but basically the concierge of the building (who was obviously familiar with all of the tenants' daily movements, and also had keys to every flat) had been letting himself and some acquaintances into her bedroom while she was at work to have coke-fuelled orgies in her bed. So she (and, for some time, her ex boyfriend) had been sleeping in their spaff and sweat and pubes for months. Nice.


I wrote it off as most likely bollocks (no pun intended) at the time - but fast forward to about a year later, and I was talking to a new colleague (absolutely no connection to the friend I'd heard that story from), just asking about her evening, normal office morning chat. She said she'd gone for dinner with an old uni mate, and this friend had apparently been through the most bizarre and stressful experience - and yes, it matched the story I'd heard in pretty much every detail.

My colleague even forwarded me a grainy screen shot of (allegedly) a still from the video, and indeed it showed a blubbery middle-aged man's arse heaving over what looked like another man and a woman (who looked like she was possibly doing a line), in a double bed.

I'm still not 100% convinced, as the photo easily could have been taken from anywhere, but my colleague's friend must have been pretty convincing if she was having her on, and it does seem like a bit of a mad coincidence - but then, the thought of someone not noticing that level of interference in their own bed (the bloke's arse in the photo looked pretty hairy) is hard to credit too.

Anyone else got any gooduns (verified or otherwise)?



The Mollusk

Not my favourite of Westwood's compilation albums but nice to see he's still at it

flotemysost

^ LOL.

Quote from: the on July 13, 2020, 10:22:52 PM
That's shit. Barry Homeowner's Ghostwatch

Yeah, as urban legends go I know it's hardly the most exciting one to do the rounds - the notable bit for me was unexpectedly having it (sort of) corroborated a while after first hearing it.

The dead dog in a holdall is another fave.

Icehaven

The least believable thing about that story is that the couple broke up over their furniture moving a bit.

flotemysost

Yeah, I assumed it was a 'last straw' situation and there were existing cracks in the union but again it does seem a bit fishy (much like their bedding was around that time I'm sure).

Butchers Blind

Quote from: flotemysost on July 13, 2020, 11:21:26 PM
Yeah, I assumed it was a 'last straw' situation and there were existing cracks in the union but again it does seem a bit fishy (much like their bedding was around that time I'm sure).

Surely they would have noticed the crumpled bed linen and the amount of crusted spunk and fanny juice on the sheets. Unless they were equally grotty themselves.

zomgmouse

one day a girl was walking on the street next thing she knows a skull is on the pavement. WHERE DID IT COME FROM nobody knows

THE END

I remember hearing from a friends girlfriend (at the time) that her sister's friend was getting married, and her husband to be had gone to Amsterdam with the lads for a mad lads stag weekend. One night they found themselves at an exclusive and wild sex show in a small dark room, you know the ones you hear about with full donkey penetration and the like. Maybe about 30 or 40 spectators. Halfway through the depravity one of the performers says they need a volunteer; the stag entourage eagerly nominate the stag and he goes up to the stage in drunken laughter. The women there handcuff him to a pole and it looks like he's going to be the recipient of their affection and everyones cheering...then at the last minute they leave the stage and a huge black guy with a 12 inch phallus appears suddenly and takes over, much to the stag and his friends screaming objections... This leads to him having a breakdown and the marriage is called off etc.

It was just odd because she told it so earnestly in a way that sounded genuine and personal but it couldn't have been true... reeks of urban legend, and I've definitely heard it regurgitated online at some point since

Jittlebags

That made it's way into a Max and Paddy episode.

Cuellar

There's a TikTok going round right and if you watch it you actually die

PlanktonSideburns

any truth to the child knicking a penguin from the zoo?

There's that one about a young lad knocking one out lying on his bed with his eyes shut. When he's done and opens his eyes he sees someone's left a penguin on the bedside table.

Dex Sawash

Quote from: zomgmouse on July 14, 2020, 07:47:08 AM
one day a girl was walking on the street next thing she knows a skull is on the pavement. WHERE DID IT COME FROM nobody knows

THE END

SKULL EGG

imitationleather

A man peed in a woman and then an egg grew inside her and a baby fell out of it.

idunnosomename

Quote from: Cuellar on July 14, 2020, 10:25:34 AM
There's a TikTok going round right and if you watch it you actually die
i die a little everytime i see a fucking tiktok

JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on July 14, 2020, 10:25:58 AM
any truth to the child knicking a penguin from the zoo?

...and he takes it home and hides it in the wardrobe and the next day he tells his friend about it and he shows him and his friend says
Spoiler alert
"That's not a penguin, you've captured a nun!"
[close]

badaids

Quote from: Jittlebags on July 14, 2020, 10:22:19 AM
That made it's way into a Max and Paddy episode.

And a Sid the Sexist story in Viz.

The Lurker

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 14, 2020, 02:36:41 PM
...and he takes it home and hides it in the wardrobe and the next day he tells his friend about it and he shows him and his friend says
Spoiler alert
"That's not a penguin, you've captured a nun!"
[close]

Dwarf when I heard that story. Or something similar.

Icehaven


tao of wub

Quote from: imitationleather on July 14, 2020, 12:29:32 PM
A man peed in a woman and then an egg grew inside her and a baby fell out of it.

Can we try and keep these at least a little bit believable please?

I mean, for one, why would a woman would let a man put his thingy in her, and for two, everybody knows eggs come from chickens isn't it? 

Or did he put the egg in there too?  Now I'm not sure.

Sherringford Hovis


Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Thump-thump... draaaaag.

flotemysost

Quote from: tao of wub on July 14, 2020, 10:24:56 PM
Can we try and keep these at least a little bit believable please?

I mean, for one, why would a woman would let a man put his thingy in her, and for two, everybody knows eggs come from chickens isn't it? 

Or did he put the egg in there too?  Now I'm not sure.

It is quite confusing terminology tbf. Clearly remember having The Sex Lesson at primary school and feeling very concerned that in a few years I'd start seeing blood AND A FUCKING EGG coming out of me, every month.

This also reminds me of those "person gets bit by a spider... three months later, a million baby spiders crawl out of their neck!!!" type urban legends. My French teacher at school gravely warned the class in her raspy cigarette-ravaged tones that we should never, ever put on face cream every day, because apparently one of her friends in Paris had to go for a biopsy on a mysterious lump on her face which kept growing bigger and bigger and when they popped it open it was full of moisturiser.

BeardFaceMan

My friend told me a story about a mate of his, but when I brought it up to him later he denied all knowledge of it so god knows where it came from. But it involved this guy going to a house party, the place was swinging, after a while he goes upstairs to go the bathroom. While waiting in the queue he notices another queue leading to a bedroom. He goes to have a look and there's a line of blokes waiting to shag a young lady who is naked and bent over, leaning out of the window. When one guy finishes and leaves, she reaches behind with her hand to wave the next guy in, all while the people in the garden below cheer her on. So your man thinks 'Yes, please, I'll have some of that, yes, please." and takes his place in the queue. He gets waved in, does the business and he's the last guy in the queue. When he tells the young lady this, she gets up and turns around and it's his sister.

tao of wub

Quote from: flotemysost on July 15, 2020, 06:43:58 PM
a biopsy on a mysterious lump on her face which kept growing bigger and bigger and when they popped it open it was full of moisturiser.

Richard Herring considers new emergency question.

Marner and Me

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on July 15, 2020, 06:50:54 PM
My friend told me a story about a mate of his, but when I brought it up to him later he denied all knowledge of it so god knows where it came from. But it involved this guy going to a house party, the place was swinging, after a while he goes upstairs to go the bathroom. While waiting in the queue he notices another queue leading to a bedroom. He goes to have a look and there's a line of blokes waiting to shag a young lady who is naked and bent over, leaning out of the window. When one guy finishes and leaves, she reaches behind with her hand to wave the next guy in, all while the people in the garden below cheer her on. So your man thinks 'Yes, please, I'll have some of that, yes, please." and takes his place in the queue. He gets waved in, does the business and he's the last guy in the queue. When he tells the young lady this, she gets up and turns around and it's his sister.
Heard that loads of times except the lights come on and its his daughter.

zomgmouse

Quote from: Marner and Me on July 15, 2020, 10:06:38 PM
Heard that loads of times except the lights come on and its his daughter.

Oldboy (Park Chan-wook, 2003)

petril

Quote from: Marner and Me on July 15, 2020, 10:06:38 PM
Heard that loads of times except the lights come on and its his daughter.

the one I heard is the lights come on and it turns out its full of fucking moisturiser