Not To Be Trusted

[lazyhour]

Favours the thinnest cut of sliced bread? Not be trusted.

Owns only self-help books? Not to be trusted.

Flag instead of curtains? NTBT.

Fingernails too long? NTBT.

Fingernails too short? NTBT.

What are your NTBT triggers?

[Pingers]

Too many Paolo Coelho books - definitely a molester in disguise

[seepage]

North Face gilet

[holyzombiejesus]

Refers to records as vinyls

[lazyhour]

Oh fuck, North Face and "vinyls" are both mega smoking NTBT guns.

Entire wardrobe Superdry? In 2020? NTBT.

[jobotic]

Union Jack OR EU flag on their twitter profile*



*I'm not on twitter, that what they're called?



Makes a big show of not being on twitter.

[Sebastian Cobb]

doesn't drink hot drinks.

actively dislikes funk.

[Smeraldina Rima]

Sleeps with your wife. NTBT

[Marner and Me]

Dreadlocks on a white guy, usually full of shit travelling stories NTBT

[thenoise]

Eats soup with a dessert spoon NTBT
Eats cereal with a soup spoon NTBT

[Blinder Data]

Opts for a soft morning roll instead of a crispy one. NTBT.

[poodlefaker]

Moleskine notebook

[holyzombiejesus]

Union Jack OR EU flag on their twitter profile*

"Loves Man U, the kids and the wife. In that order." Quite often wearing those horrible sunglasses that are a bit like wraparounds.

Sorry, this is becoming a bit of a list thread now, isn't it?

[Small Man Big Horse]

Too many Paolo Coelho books - definitely a molester in disguise

A friend of mine sent me The Alchemist claiming it was amazing, I hated it a ridiculous amount but then they sent me Veronika Decides To Die saying it was much much better, and I'd enjoy this one. I haven't spoken to the cunt since.

[idunnosomename]

Harry Potter

[Huxleys Babkins]

Star Wars/Harry Potter is their only frame of reference.

Goes to church out of choice.

Drives an old BMW 5 series dotted with aftermarket M/Alpina badges.

Over 40 but still regularly goes clubbing in mainstream clubs.

Flag pole in front garden.

NOT. TO. BE. TRUSTED.

[Pingers]

A friend of mine sent me The Alchemist claiming it was amazing, I hated it a ridiculous amount but then they sent me Veronika Decides To Die saying it was much much better, and I'd enjoy this one. I haven't spoken to the cunt since.

This potentially means you have two on your shelves, which is edging towards watch list status. One is acceptable because it may not have been read, two is suspicious. If you spend too much at Holland and Barrett, have at least one cat and are vegan to get closer to women then I'm calling the peelers

[badaids]

Ring on little finger.

Over groomed.

Drives Ford Capri in Ferrari Testarossa body kit.

[lazyhour]

Got into Morrissey this year. NTBT.

[king_tubby]

'Another amazing article, Marina! Liked and retweeted'

NTBT

[lazyhour]

Spent over £30k on audio equipment. NTBT.

[Huxleys Babkins]

"Have you read this book called The Secret?" NTBT

[ASFTSN]

Wears blazers over t-shirts.

[Quote]

Wiping his arse on a picture of your dead mother. NTBT

[Fr.Bigley]

Doesn't like ABBA

[Sebastian Cobb]

jeans and shoes

[gib]

concerned about what spoon you use

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Yeah most of these are just "traits of obnoxious people". Here's some real ones:

Gossips about mutual friends/co-workers to you. High probability they gossip about you too.

Bitches about how your other coworkers "do nothing all day", going into a level of detail that suggests they're keeping a fucking spreadsheet of who is and isn't at their desk at what times, despite not being a manager.

"Jokes" about what'll happen if you ever "cross" them.

[Fr.Bigley]

Has a tin of Heinz' all day breakfast in the cupboard.
Has been to LSE to study PPE.
Puts milk in before the bag.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

Dreadlocks on a white guy, usually full of shit travelling stories NTBT

Absolutely.

Doesn't like The Fall - NTBT