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Still Not Accepting Middle-Age Ned: Back in the Girdle!

Started by Glebe, July 26, 2020, 12:40:02 AM

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Glebe

"Bottle of cheap champers, Leo Sayer LP, that's my Friday sorted!"

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

" Another Beatles front cover from " Mojo"! SORTED!"


( Although that's the sort of thing Accepting Middle Age Andy might say, I suppose.)

Glebe

"The social restrictions have been tough, but thankfully I am modern and have kept in touch with people over Wazzup."

Glebe

It's quiet in the office. Suddenly, a middle-aged voice chirps up.

"We hope it's chips, it's chips!"

Pause.

"It's gotta be right, with Hammerite, on iron, on iron!"

Pause.

"You can't get better than a Kwit Fit fitter!"

Pause.

"Oh for fuck's... you office millennials! I won't even bother doing Bodyform, I know you don't know that one."

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

You seem to have bought in the character of Middle Aged Memories Mikey.

Glebe

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on September 04, 2020, 09:04:48 AMYou seem to have bought in the character of Middle Aged Memories Mikey.

"NUTS! WHOLE HAZELNUTS!"

"Was that Ned or Mike?" wonders Born-in-2000 Billy.

Vaporwave Vic peeks around her Apple Mac.

"It's Mike. I think Ned has realized us millennials are not clued in on the 20th Century."

Glebe


Lisa Jesusandmarychain

# so oh, Mr.Confectioner , please...give me Toblerone!#

Both Ned and Mike in unison that time. Ned is mellowing out as his middle age progresses.They go to high- five each other, remember these perilous times we're in, then give each other the elbow bumps.

" Aw, that's nice!" Says an appreciative Millenial Mandy.

Glebe

"Oh Mister Soft... can't you tell me why-"

"-Mike, don't bother mate. They don't know 'em. Don't bother."

Glebe

"Loving the new one from Snow Patrol. Not sure if it's a new one actually but I heard one of their songs on the radio awhile ago. Or maybe it was Keane or some other new pop group now."

Nowhere Man

It only seems to be you too posting in here at the moment, so i'll just say that you are both fantastic lads, and I love your mad whimsy.

Glebe

Quote from: Nowhere Man on September 06, 2020, 02:28:26 AMIt only seems to be you too posting in here at the moment, so i'll just say that you are both fantastic lads, and I love your mad whimsy.

Aw cheers NM. Beautiful poetry btw!

"A MARS A DAY HELPS YOU WORK REST AND PLAY!"

That was 21st-Century Chuck! The millennials are catching on!

Glebe

"Being postin' pix of some of my old guitars on the Instamatic. No 'likes' as yet."

Glebe

"Neonscrubblie! Chocadoo-"

"Nah Mike mate you'll completely alienate the office millennials with that deep cut!"

"Fair enough Ned man. Was gonna do the Jamie and the Magic Torch theme with vocal bass and all but I'd best not by the sounds of it."

Glebe

Ned in Currys.

"But what actually is 4K?"

"Its four times the detail of standard HD, with enhanced colours, sir."

"What's 'standard HD'?"

"Its 1080p, which Blu-ray was before 4K."

"What's blue ray?"

"It's a step up from the standard definition of DVD, sir."

Ned thinks carefully about what to say next. He knows that mentioning VHS will really put him in the fogie category. Then he remembers.

"Ah, like the lazer disks?"

Glebe

Ned regresses to infancy for a bit and subsists on rusks and gripe water for the duration.

Glebe

"Can't wait for the new Playbox Series X. I've preordered one from Shifty Jim down the market, £700 and batteries included!"

Glebe

Ned gets his shades on, breaks out the surfboard and heads for the beach. "The ex will prolly be down there with her new twatty boyfriend and our child, but fuck it. Check out these abs!"

Glebe

"Took the Segway up to Hyde Park this afternoon. 'California Love' on repeat on the iPod, chillin' under a tree with the ol' Kindle. Anything by Chuck Palahniuk, I'm hip to his vision."

Glebe

"Any protest marches going on? Because I will attend! Not Saturdays though, 'cos I have the little lad. Taking him to Legoland next week, bo-ring!"

Glebe

Ned goes crazy and buys a Cadillac. Bankrupt, homeless.

Glebe

Ned speaks loudly into his Bluetooth headset on the bus. "Yeah, the second Coldplay album is m'fave. Yo, hit me up for a cappuccino Jake, we'll talk business soon, yeah? Dilly dilly!"

Glebe

Ned bounces into HMV on a space hopper. "Word to m'hip people!"

Glebe

Ned rebrands as DJ Bejams and saunters around the high street sporting deely boppers.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Glebe on August 17, 2020, 04:03:35 PM
"Was playing FInal Fantasy VII last night, Millennial Mick! What a classic!"

"Oh nice one Ned. I assume you mean the original and not the recent remake?"

Ned's face drops.

"They've remade it?"

"Yeah. FFVIII too."

Ned slowly gets up from his desk and wanders across the office, lost in a haze of shock.

"You'd best take the rest of the day off, Ned," says Supervisor Steve.

Loved this post

Glebe

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on September 17, 2020, 08:44:12 PMLoved this post

Thanks Planks! Although I kind of got it wrong 'cos they only did a remaster of FFVIII. That's still too much for Ned, though.

Glebe

Ned puts a giant Star Wars sticker on the bonnet of his car.

Glebe

"MAKE WAY FOR THE HOMEBOY!"

Ned is rollerblading into Homebase sporting a giant, purple top hat.

Glebe

Ned is browsing in HMV.

"WHO REMEMBERS RENTAGHOST? Whoops, sorry. Shouldn't namecheck such an 'old' thing. My bad. Loudmouth."

Glebe

"So I started watching The Games of Thrones. Guys, this is so cool! It's like Lord of the Rings but like with a dark, adult edge, yeah? It's the hippest show since Soprano!"

The Zoom meet ends there.