Thinking of something brilliant to say, but no opportunity to say it

[Bazooka]

So I was just watching James Martin cook, and any fans of the Yorkshire man know, he loves a good whack of butter and cream.  Anyway I was fantasising that I was presenting a cooking show and James Martin was the guest/chef, as he was adding some butter and cream to the dish, I said

"James Martin's blood doesn't clot, it curdles"

Now this brilliantly witty line had everyone laughing, the cameraman, other guests, audience, but most of all James Martin thought it was fucking brilliant. Now nobody else on earth or in history has thought of this line except for me as I was sitting eating my homemade miso soup, what a bloody waste of such a great line, will never get to apply it under those perfect conditions.

[JaDanketies]

I'm not familiar with Apple products. I always use Android.

One day I was writing up some document about Apple devices, and the instructions I wrote were for an old version of the iOS. The client sent it back asking me to update it so it was correct for the latest iOS.

I wanted to say, "Sorry about that - I'm not familiar with Apple. I don't know my iOS from my elbow." But I couldn't, because of professionalism.

[Bazooka]

I'm not familiar with Apple products. I always use Android.

One day I was writing up some document about Apple devices, and the instructions I wrote were for an old version of the iOS. The client sent it back asking me to update it so it was correct for the latest iOS.

I wanted to say, "Sorry about that - I'm not familiar with Apple. I don't know my iOS from my elbow." But I couldn't, because of professionalism.

Ah man, you see, and they would have thought it was brilliant too, but they will never know.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Great withering line I can't see myself ever actually saying: "You know, you've really put this place on the map. The map of CUNTS"

[Dex Sawash]

Did you make the miso or just the soup?

[pigamus]

I once saw Alastair Campbell interviewed many moons ago, and he was talking about the point he and Tony Blair first realised the "enormity" of what they'd done in Iraq. I was screaming at the telly - "So you admit it then!" - but the interviewer didn't notice.

[Bazooka]

I once saw Alastair Campbell interviewed many moons ago, and he was talking about the point he and Tony Blair first realised the "enormity" of what they'd done in Iraq. I was screaming at the telly - "So you admit it then!" - but the interviewer didn't notice.

Typical!

[Bazooka]

Did you make the miso or just the soup?

Good example.

[Captain Z]

Physics teacher, while holding his finger in the air ready to point at someone, said "who can tell me the difference between iron and steel..." before picking someone who wasn't me. Instantly my brain came up with "you can steal iron but you can't iron steel", but the chosen person gave the correct answer and the moment was gone.

[Jockice]

Just have patience. It took me years to have the opportunity to actually say my fantastic 'new pedantic' gag. And then suddenly it appeared out of the blue at work one day. And got a very big laugh from everyone nearby. I was so SO proud.

[SpiderChrist]

Why, only the other day Prime Minister Pitt called me an idle scrounger. It wasn't until ages later that I thought how clever it could have been to have said, "Oh bugger off, you old fart!"

[Twit 2]

I'm waiting to try out "Do you think if more people told you to fuck off, you wouldn't be such a cunt?" to someone smaller than me.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I'm waiting to try out "Do you think if more people told you to fuck off, you wouldn't be such a cunt?" to someone smaller than me.

Isn't pancreas smaller than you?

[Twit 2]

He is a giant among men.

[Action Fish]

I imagined a scenario in which the Ireland rugby union captain Rory Best, after a spell of poor form, had a really good game, and as he bellows in triumph after scoring a short range try or winning a scrum penalty, I would say "Rory Best is back to his roary best".

This never happened, he's now retired, and anyway, I tend to watch rugby on my own in case people try to talk to me.

[steve98]

Just have patience. It took me years to have the opportunity to actually say my fantastic 'new pedantic' gag. And then suddenly it appeared out of the blue at work one day. And got a very big laugh from everyone nearby. I was so SO proud.

Well, that's gladdened my heart, you got there eventually.
I've been waiting decades to use my "Arithmetic's never been my fifty", line*. The problem is that the few acquaintances I have know that arithmetic is my fifty (forte), my thing (it's my only thing.) Anyway, maybe one day.

*If it ("Arithmetic's never been my fifty") sounds familiar it's probably cos I've mentioned it here a number of times over the years (though no-one's ever commented on it (Like: "Ho ho, very droll"))