"The London Resort" UK theme park planned

[Fambo Number Mive]

It's actually not planned to be located in London but in Swancombe, Kent.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/travel/news/first-look-35bn-uk-disneyland-22428648

The London Resort - which will feature rides and attractions from BBC, ITV and Paramount Pictures - has been dubbed the 'UK Disneyland'...

An artist's impressions shows how the park will be split into distinct sections.

The resort is designed to be spread over "seven lands" - the Studios, the Woods, the Kingdom, the Isles, the Jungle, High Street and the Starport.

It will include two theme parks and a water park spread over 535 acres, the equivalent of 136 Wembley Stadiums.

The second park is set to open in 2029.

Not sure what these BBC and ITV rides would be. Eastenders wrestling arena?

If this theme park does open, I wonder if they will need to increase public transport to Swanscombe? Currently 4tph to London.

The proof is somewhat in the pudding - will the (hopefully) post-covid world of 2024 see people coming back to theme parks?

A consultation has been launched by the project: https://consultation.londonresort.info/, which says it will comprise:

A Leisure Core, comprising a range of events spaces, themed rides and attractions, entertainment venues, theatres and cinemas, developed in landscaped settings in two phases.
Four hotels providing family, upmarket, luxury and themed accommodation totalling up to 3,550 suites.
A 'Conferention' Centre (i.e. a combined conference and convention centre) with a floor area of up to 11,000 m2.
A linked building hosting a range of eSports, video and computer gaming events, with a total floor space of up to 16,500 m2.
A Back of House area accommodating many of the necessary supporting technical and logistical operations to enable the London Resort to function.
Up to 500 apartments for London Resort workers, typically consisting of 4-6 bedrooms and shared kitchen and lounge facilities.
The Project includes a new access road from the A2 to keep Resort traffic separate to local traffic, and supporting transport infrastructure.

Would you visit in 2024?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Good idea, move the tourism out the way and London can become one big housing estate for money launderers.

[jobotic]

I guess we are Cockneys after all...sigh

A Confrontation Centre? In Swanscombe?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Money laundering, arson, incest. In that order

[Fambo Number Mive]

Ebbsfleet International is nearby I see.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Quick everyone, over to the Nil-By-Mouth ride!

[Beagle 2]

It's about time the South West of England got some investment.

[Flouncer]

Freshen yer drink, guv'nor?

[BlodwynPig]

Media Indoctrination, neo-liberal gulags, 300 quid for a family of four to be mauled by Huw Edwards and Robert Peston.

[Buelligan]

Boasts The Biggest Lorry Park in the World and a pearly-COVID plumed horse gangster's knife crime funeral every sixty seconds.

[idunnosomename]

I hope Banksy skewers this!!!

[Thomas]

I hope Banksy skewers this!!!

Julian Barnes skewered it 22 years ago.

[Huxleys Babkins]

The London 2012 closing ceremony being performed non-stop until the heat death of the universe.

[Buelligan]

DEAD SOON.  So only a mere couple of hundred to sit through, hopefully.

FSB height checks on all rides.  They stretch you up to your fullness using a door and a tie.

[Gurke and Hare]

Not sure what these BBC and ITV rides would be. Eastenders wrestling arena?

Last of the Summer Wine rollercoaster with the cars shaped like bathtubs.

[Captain Z]

It will include two theme parks and a water park spread over 535 acres, the equivalent of 136 Wembley Stadiums.

Oh, well, that really helps put the size into perspective, thanks.

I guess "around half the size of Alton Towers" didn't quite big it up enough.

[Thomas]

I can fathom 100 Wembley Stadiums but it gets a bit abstract after that.

[Captain Z]

Any professional journalist would stick to the SI units of London buses or Olympic Swimming pools.

[Buelligan]

In terms of Wales (one of the Regions), though, how big is it?

[BlodwynPig]

I can fathom 100 Wembley Stadiums but it gets a bit abstract after that.

just the pitches or the whole stadium. That land could be given over to wild boar, bison and deer. FUCKING DESTROY THIS IDEA

[Quote]

Hopefully we'll see a giant animatronic Cpt Tom running amok like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

[Butchers Blind]

Will look forward to the 'Falling Through The Bar' ride.

[BlodwynPig]

Hopefully we'll see a giant animatronic Cpt Tom walking amok like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

[Pingers]

Cone of chips £5. No need to worry about the calories cos they comes WIV SALAD

[Quote]

Insert 50p and select nationality to hear the voice of Prince Phillip abuse your race, nation or ethnic heritage.

[Cuellar]

Sounds absolutely brilliant and I'm sure there's no better reason for tarmacing all that brownfield land.

[Buelligan]

Insert 50p and select nationality to hear the voice of Prince Phillip abuse your race, nation or ethnic heritage.

Typical.  I see the wimmin have been ignored again.

[Quote]

Misogyny Avenue - a chance for female visitors to take part in a traditional British wet t-shirt competition or page 3 shoot.

[Buelligan]

The whole street's lined with pavement beer gardens where service industry professional men take a lunch time break below roofers, endlessly working on high.

[Mister Six]

Preview of "The Jungle" section:



It's the sort of thing where I initially feel sorry for any tourists who end up going there, then immediately realise they've brought it on themselves. Instant karma.