On Confidence

[pancreas]

It's a topic which people here regularly raise. Posters' lack of it is a major motivation for their presence here. Confidence is, for many people here, to them, an impossible aspiration. It is is not impossible and let me explain why.

Your basic ethical code—whether derived from Judeo-Christian philosophy, Islamic philosophy, Buddhist philosophy—will be essentially the same. It will found itself on simple messages of equality and harmony. It will abhor detriment to the community for personal gain. So you're on solid, global ground.

The only barrier to invoke these shared principles is your ability to connect, through logic, these principles, to any particular position you might consider holding. And this process is not a piece of magic.

Let me give a non-trivial example: My Italian friends steal from M&S—rest assured it is easy. They have decided that they will steal their lunch and also the lunch of a homeless person to whom they will give that part of the spoils. It is put that we should consider whether to condone this situation or not. In so doing we may assert the principle of property, in which case we agree we abhor theft. We may nevertheless believe in the principle of freedom from deprivation such as hunger, in which case we abhor corporations. We observe that, in condoning the behaviour, that the two principles are in conflict. Meanwhile the Italians made their decision. That's confidence.

Then I think of FerrisWheelBueller, muting his family chat because he can't deal with their politics. And that's not confidence. Why does he not just go in and smash up the furniture? After all, what is really to lose? I have no problem with one using one's family cynically for financial stability. But are you really okay with 'love' conquering abhorrent antisocial opinions?

Many of you are the same. Unless you stand to inherit significant amounts of money, almost all people have nothing on you. There's nothing they can do to you. They may even love you more if you tell them what the fuck is going on. So just go and fucking do it.

[touchingcloth]

On heart.

Let's get together and feel alright.

[Marner and Me]

The Italians boosting lunch I can see the confidence and agree with it to an extent, surely though your moral conscience comes into play and says that is not right?

[confettiinmyhair]

I used to work in retail security for an M&S. We used to catch most of our shoplifters from the sandwich aisle. If  the monthly statistics needed a boost then we would keep the CCTV on that aisle for a couple of evenings a week. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. From my experience that's not confidence, that's stupidity.

[BlodwynPig]

Engorged ego eggs on Egon

[itsfredtitmus]

Sniff some shit

[PlanktonSideburns]

Yes Mr pancs

Pulling myself together as we speak

[Barry Admin]

Sounds like a thin line between confidence and sociopathy here, tbh.

Also:

Posters' lack of it is a major motivation for their presence here.

Yeah, no.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Pancreas's website

https://julienhimself.com/self-help/

[BlodwynPig]

Confidence is easily swelled by a crowd, stripped away by absolute rejection.

Those who have never faced humiliation are living off Egotism not Confidence.

To truly find confidence, one need to feel abject isolation first. Find it, Pancreas.

[Bernice]

I don't see why confidence should dictate that you wade into a family chat for a pointless argument rather than have the wisdom and belief in oneself to shrug and stay out. I also note that this is the fourth post of yours involving ethics and thieving Italians. Please do not engage with age old prejudiced tropes.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Confidence is partly a product of the success - or otherwise - of your overall decisions. People sometimes deal with how they felt about that failure by learning/deciding to do something less. There is an unhealthy point where this expands to cover other aspects of life.

So although it's fine to say people generally don't have anything on you, so get on and do it, things have gone wrong prior to lacking confidence. Rather than it being default timidity it is learnt timidity. People have experienced the consequences of failing and don't wish to risk feeling that way again.

Unfortunately risking that from time to time is, in most cases, a key part of having any kind of fulfilling life. I don't have the self-help advice for people who would like to feel more prepared to face that though.

[Buelligan]

I don't see why confidence should dictate that you wade into a family chat for a pointless argument rather than have the wisdom and belief in oneself to shrug and stay out. I also note that this is the fourth post of yours involving ethics and thieving Italians. Please do not engage with age old prejudiced tropes.

Nah, he's doing it for wanking stories.

On confidence, I see it as about other people/nothing the fuck to do with them.  The root and seed of confidence is belief in ones own decisions, thought processes, motivations and so on.  It's like joining an organisation where you have genuine faith in the leader.  Once that's solid, and IMO, that solidity needs to be based on real shit, confidence flows down like ambrosia.  Other people can give you donated confidence, they can crush your seedling confidence too but real confidence arrives when you realise that they have no power over you.  It's you who is in charge of you and you're a just and merciful deity.  You can still love them, mind.  And care for all god's creatures too.

Confidence based on physical shit is similar but different.  First, understanding of what is important, beauty, possessions or whatevs.  Putting those things in their rightful place according to your own inner law, will bring harmony and acceptance, I think anyway.  If you believe that a person shouldn't be visible unless they are beautiful and you aren't, you probably need to have another look at your ideas, heck, even if you are, they could certainly do with an overhaul.

Having compassion for others, for yourself, goes a long way in this game.  Once you give, you understand better that you may receive and that's something safe, to help you on the high wire.

Btw, I don't think he's saying that you should wade into a family chat, more that doing so is an expression of confidence.  An example.  I may be wrong, of course.

[poo]

Just be a successful, athletic, 6ft 3in white alpha male with well-off parents. Does wonders for your confidence.

[BlodwynPig]

Just be a successful, athletic, 6ft 3in white alpha male with well-off parents. Does wonders for your confidence.

I came across the corpse of one of these in a Japanese forest.

[Buelligan]

In fairness, I've known a few like that, most of them crying inside.  Being human is not easy.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm confident that stealing from big supermarket chains is basically fine, especially if you're giving to people who can't afford it in the process but not confident enough to do it for fear of getting caught.

[Jerzy Bondov]

I came across the corpse of one of these in a Japanese forest.

You should not contaminate a crime scene with your bodily fluids

[Pijlstaart]

I would never steal from M&S and would much rather give to M&S, donating homemade goods and treasured family pets for resale. M&S is a family business and that's what family is all about, one day you'll realise confidence doesn't stand the test of time, stealing and arguing doesn't stand the test of time, it is family that lives on. A proper homeless person would reject M&S food, it is much too good for his sort, and it's too good for many of you too, it's for Annunziata and her herringbone-tweed boarhounds. Why let confidence ruin a good thing?

[ASFTSN]

The root and seed of confidence is belief in ones own decisions, thought processes, motivations and so on.  It's like joining an organisation where you have genuine faith in the leader.  Once that's solid, and IMO, that solidity needs to be based on real shit, confidence flows down like ambrosia.  Other people can give you donated confidence, they can crush your seedling confidence too but real confidence arrives when you realise that they have no power over you.

Trouble is, it's all or nothing isn't it. You can't really do any of that by halves and have it work. Unless I'm missing something.

[Brundle-Fly]

Let me give a non-trivial example: My Italian friends steal from M&S—rest assured it is easy. They have decided that they will steal their lunch and also the lunch of a homeless person to whom they will give that part of the spoils.

Sorry, but stealing the lunch of a homeless person and then to give them what you've just stolen from M&S seems wrongheaded. What if the homeless person doesn't like Buffalo Mozzarella and Tomato Focaccia and was quite happy with their Greggs egg mayonnaise bap?

[Twit 2]

Confidence in a few key areas in which you know your shit, mixed with an all consuming doubt which causes the occasional panic about your very footfall.

[Buelligan]

Trouble is, it's all or nothing isn't it. You can't really do any of that by halves and have it work. Unless I'm missing something.

I think that's where compassion has a role to play.  Being honest, IMO, many people doing the old parenting, teachers, other irresponsible adults, damage young growth dreadfully.  Not always on purpose but it takes some getting over, constantly being told you're weak or ugly or stupid.  I was lucky, in that my parents were so scathing in their diminution of me, that even someone who was born yesterday (as I was at one point), could notice something was not quite on the level.  This helped me to reject my programming and build from the ground up.  But anyway compassion, forgive yourself your trespasses as you forgive those that trespass against you.  Nice solid safety net that, obvs, don't forgive anything.  There has to be a line.

I'd say, a good beginning is to begin noticing all the good shit you do, your good decisions, even acknowledging and feeling grateful for, good things that just happen by happenstance.  These are all building blocks, IMO, towards a feeling that you can deal with shit.  That good things are possible and they happen in your life even if they're rare and small.  Keep at it, and, as I suggested, forgive yourself and others when you can or need to.  Try to change your inner dialogue from worried to mulling over good things and planning more.  It's slow, but I think it can work.  And also, bear in mind, they really can't hang you.  What's the worst that can happen?

[the]

I have no problem with one using one's family cynically for financial stability.

     

[Captain Z]

Confidence is partly a product of the success - or otherwise - of your overall decisions.

Parklife!

[wooders1978]

I'm off to nick sarnies from Marks and Sparks so I feel like less of a cunt ! 

I'll blame it on a homeless if I'm caught

[Brundle-Fly]

I'm off to nick sarnies from Marks and Sparks so I feel like less of a cunt ! 

I'll blame it on a homeless if I'm caught

Do they sell torches in M&S?

[Small Man Big Horse]

I used to lack confidence but then I spent three years working in a fish and chip shop in Surrey and gained confidence. So for anyone who lacks confidence, I recommending spending three years working in a fish and chip shop in Surrey.

[rack and peanut]

I'm off to nick sarnies from Marks and Sparks so I feel like less of a cunt ! 

I'll blame it on a homeless if I'm caught

When M&S is out of business cos of the sarnie pinchers and the workers are on the streets HOW ARE YOU GONNA FACKIN FEED EM?!!!

[Buelligan]

Qu'ils mangent de la brioche, you tit.