Mob Handed (2016)

[kaprisky]

Do you remember that splendidly titled thread Upcoming British Film Disaster: KILL THE PAEDOS!!!? Well the subject of that thread, Mob Handed, turned up on Freeview channel London Live last night (and is on again late Friday and Saturday if you wish to be entertained). Is it any good? No. Is it unintentionally hilarious? Absolutely!

It's difficult to describe it so here is a summary of what appears: paedos being gunned down in various places like public toilets and showers (full frontal male nudity!) and garages, paedos being locked in the boot of a car and crushed by a tank, paedos being gunned down by quad bike-riding vigilantes, ex-super-middleweight champion Robin Reid shagging an anti-paedo MP for info, the female journalist shagging a male prostitute while her daughter is being attacked at home, Dirty Den as a cop, Sam Butcher cameo, Reg Hollis from The Bill (even he can't save this), a vigilante who swears every other word in his dialogue (might be Jason Marriner)... Burnside from The Bill, Cathy Tyson, Lysette Anthony as a defence solicitor for the main paedo, etc.

The script keeps banging on about "paedos in Westminster" and High Court judges (Jess Conrad plays this despite walking into Wellingborough Court), the cinematography has the same type of lighting regardless of the location and one review online describes the music as being "low-rent pop music". The ending is baffling.

I suppose the joke is on us since the makers actually got a film made and released, something which other budding filmmakers out there may not have managed. Hooray for British exploitation cinema!