Author Topic: You Can Send ONE British Wild Animal back in time, What Would You Send & Why?  (Read 725 times)

Cuellar

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Can I sent a beaver back to Francis Drake and have it eat his ship? Then we'd all be eating paella.

Dr Rock

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It's a fine idea, but Beavers aren't a British animal. I think.

The Mollusk

  • I spoke with fervour, embracing the evening
I would send a modern day hedgehog back to the times before roads were invented. I’m not saying we’d end up subservient to hedgehogs in the present day or anything but I reckon you could bet your fucking arse that “King of the Road” safety advert from the ‘90s would have an extremely different tone to it.

seepage

  • sweaty robot
It's a fine idea, but Beavers aren't a British animal. I think.

They are, I saw some on Springwatch!

Sherman Krank

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Can I sent a beaver back to Francis Drake and have it eat his ship? Then we'd all be eating paella.

It's a fine idea
No it isn't.
An adult beaver working ten hours a day would take 3.7 years to consume a ship of that magnitude.
Also I half remember reading something about Drake* being a bullshitting cunt who's success was mostly derived from taking the credit for other peoples achievements, so a better plan would be to train a duck to repeat the basic phrase 'He's lying mate' whenever it hears Elizabethan english being spoken then send it back to follow Drake around.
Viaduct Why a duck? Because people of that time period were phenomenally stupid and seeing the duck and knowing Drake's surname they would automatically assume the duck to be a relative of his and as such it's words would be given more weight.

An even better plan would be to send a wise old owl back to befriend the young king of Spain so that over time it could win his trust and persuade him not to put a bunch of fuckwits in charge of his armada.

They are, I saw some on Springwatch!
Used to be.
The one's you saw were Canadian immigrants,
Coming over here, eating are trees etc.


Edit - *Actually I may have been thinking of Walter Raleigh from that Blackadder episode. I always get those two mixed up.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2020, 02:07:27 PM by Sherman Krank »

Sherman Krank

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I would like to humbly and unreservedly apologise to all Canadian beavers for any perceived offence they may have taken to my previous post.

I have, with immediate effect, resigned from my position as professor emeritus and removed myself from all of the 17 committees upon which I currently sit.

I will however remain as a sitting Conservative MP as I've done a lot of dodgy shit that I don't want to see in the papers (also Mr Cummings has promised me a Lords gig if I stick it out until Brexit's done).

Shamefully & regretfully yours,
Dr. David Racist BSC SSC WMD BFG YMCA (+bar)

touchingcloth

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<tag>Richard Herring leaves thread jamming draft of Emergency Questions 8 into a pocket.</tag>

Probely send an ELF to cure the great Fire of London.

gib

  • still within the realms of safety
Used to be.
The one's you saw were Canadian immigrants,
Coming over here, eating are trees etc.

WRONG

Quote
The beavers are confirmed as disease-free Eurasian beavers and, with the agreement of local landowners, they have been returned to the wild

https://www.rspb.org.uk/our-work/our-positions-and-casework/our-positions/species/beaver-reintroduction-in-the-uk/

kittens

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is a spunk an animal? just 1 of my zoomed in little tadpole spunks. yeah that's an animal. it's alive and it moves. animal confirmed. it's british because it comes from me, i'm as british as white bread me. i'm as british as dame judy dench. i'm as british as tinned dog food and striped toothpaste. i'm as british as a barn owl pecking at a broken pocketwatch in a tithe barn. i'm as british as a torn petticoat fluttering in the wind attached to a barbed wire fence.  so i send my 1 british spunk back in time 2020 years and where i send it is up the virgin mary's fanny. so either i'm jesus's daddy or i'm jesus's brother's daddy. either way i'm getting into heaven on the family ticket, no matter what i do down here. once i am certain i have changed history and become jesus's daddy i will begin killing every single person i see so that when i'm in heaven people will be like "he's killed the most people out of all the people in heaven" and then i'll be like 'except god of course' like a real cheeky bitch and they'll be like damn makes u think and god'll be like don't be a wanker mate for the last bloody time and I'll be like what you gonna do send me to hell? i'm jesus's daddy mate. untouchable.

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