The Last Straw (trig warning, miserable thread)

[BlodwynPig]

My mum just told me that her friend who is approaching 80 has just had some bad news.

Before the pandemic she was diagnosed with Bowel cancer and had an operation just before lockdown. After a few weeks the consultants said they'd made a mistake and she needed another operation, which she had and it seemed a success but she would have to use a colostomy bag. After 6 months she finally saw her family last week. Coincidentally her son-in-law is a professor of bowel medicine. Yesterday my mum gets a text at 11:30pm saying "the doctors have found the return of the cancer".

It was at this point that I said "I would just give up, book a flight to Canada and go for a 'long walk' to be eaten by bears". It would be the last straw.

But would it. Would you continue to fight, nothing to lose, bring on more surgeries, more worry, more sleepless nights...at 80 years old. I don't know if courage comes into it. Both staying alive and dying are courageous acts in this regard.

Very sad for her.

What would be your last straw?

[wooders1978]

 Very sad for her the poor thing, but wanting to be eaten by a bear as a way out is an odd one, I imagine it would not be a peaceful death

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'd be seriously considering palliative care unless more treatment is very likely to sort it. What does the son-in-law reckon?

[Buelligan]

I don't really think I have a last straw.  Haven't found it so far despite thorough and valiant searching.  But am sanguine about life and death.  We will all die, trick is to do it as gently and gracefully as possible.  Life is about navigating that path.  And having a bit of a laugh.

[Pingers]

I would be tempted to just let go myself. I've never understood the cult of long life, quantity over quality. I fear I am doomed to long life - based on male line genes and absence of cancer in my family I've got a very good chance of going over 100. I sometimes think about ways I can check out earlier without upsetting the kids. Life - going on a bit isn't it? Anyone fancy a pint?[nb] of weedkiller[/nb]

[BlodwynPig]

I don't really think I have a last straw.  Haven't found it so far despite thorough and valiant searching.  But am sanguine about life and death.  We will all die, trick is to do it as gently and gracefully as possible.  Life is about navigating that path.  And having a bit of a laugh.

Permission to be eaten by bear. I believe my spirit will live on with their cubs, plus I may not be tasty, but there is a good winter's worth.

[Buelligan]

Interesting idea about the spirit transference.  I am inhabited by the souls of a billion billion lentils.

[BlodwynPig]

Interesting idea about the spirit transference.  I am inhabited by the souls of a billion billion lentils.

Open the window and let the spirit out!

[Neville Chamberlain]

I think I'd just spend the rest of my days watching nothing but 'Gym Fail' videos on YouTube.

[Buelligan]

Open the window and let the spirit out!

I am trying to limit my emissions.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hatred is a terrific motivational tool. Is there anyone of a similar age she bitterly detests (a bad person, preferably) where she can resolve that 'I am out-living you, cunt, whatever it takes', perhaps visualise leering over their expired existence when the moment comes, colostomy bag fluttering in the breeze, and snarl 'Ha.'

[Shit Good Nose]

It was at this point that I said "I would just give up, book a flight to Canada and go for a 'long walk' to be eaten by minotaurs".

Fixed.

[Butchers Blind]

I'd walk up and down Bermondsey shouting 'Millwall are shit'.  Should do it.

[sirhenry]

I don't really think I have a last straw.  Haven't found it so far despite thorough and valiant searching.  But am sanguine about life and death.  We will all die, trick is to do it as gently and gracefully as possible.  Life is about navigating that path.  And having a bit of a laugh.

She's right. Even at the point that I was too ill to fly, it was far too early to give up. Too many things to see and people to do.

On the other hand I've always wanted to burn down the headquarters of a really large multinational corporation, so if I have to spend my last few weeks in a hospital bed anyway, it would be nice to always have a young policeperson (from a constantly-changing roster) to keep me company and share my opioid dreams with.

[Buelligan]

I like your thinking.  It's one of the reasons I'm so very very private.  Keeping the powder dry for the last huzzah.  Hopefully, there are a shitload of others with similar aspirations.  I'm guessing there absolutely are.

What an extremely encouraging thought!

[Kelvin]

Saw the picture at the top of this BBC article, and thought, "That'll be what finishes poor Blodders off".

Since I don't want anything bad to happen to you Blodders, please don't click this link:   

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/business-53597663/coronavirus-can-rishi-sunak-save-the-economy-from-covid-19 

NOTE: They've changed the title since yesterday, when it called him Super Rishi in the actual headline.

[Zetetic]

Depends how much you like hospitals, really.

[Buelligan]

Saw the picture at the top of this BBC article, and thought, "That'll be what finishes poor Blodders off".

Since I don't want anything bad to happen to you Blodders, please don't click this link:   

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/business-53597663/coronavirus-can-rishi-sunak-save-the-economy-from-covid-19 

NOTE: They've changed the title since yesterday, when it called him Super Rishi in the actual headline.

Just waiting for the reveal that he spends his leisure time feeding baby angora guinea pigs into garden chippers.


And then the British public elects him because Mad Crobbo drove him to it by being alive.

[Barry Admin]

Any time these conversations come up IRL I point out that I want to be kept alive as long as possible, even if I'm just a potato on a vent, plugged into the mains.

Bottom line, I suppose, is that I'm an atheist, so know this is all we get. I could also be living the life of Riley in my head, and enjoying a brilliant, vibrant dream existence. Plus what if a cure comes about right after they turn me off?

I seem to be particularly sensitive and bad at dealing with pain, proven by the sheer amounts of morphine and stuff they had to send me home with last year (which they don't usually do), but if I was in chronic pain I'd still struggle on, and moan and moan and moan.

My Great Granda was in so much pain that he reportedly screamed that he wanted to die, as he was in his last days of dealing with cancer, but I'm a stubborn lil shit and will fight, and moan, and fight, and moan.

[bgmnts]

Unsure really. I think it would be maybe if the became a place where I'd have to do incredibly evil things in order to just survive. Being ordered to do evil things maybe and having to do it.

Then I'd go out in a blaze of glory, like Bon Jovi.

Or if somebody ate the last ever crisp.

[Gurke and Hare]

I'd walk up and down Bermondsey shouting 'Millwall are shit'.  Should do it.

What, you reckon you'll get glassed by a hipster for disturbing their peace while they're eating an artisan pizza?

[peanutbutter]

Bowel cancer can be pretty fucking fast without treatment can't it?

I'd either get treatment or just hype myself up into a suicide. It's all pretty irrelevant at that stage I guess

[Small Man Big Horse]

My Great Granda was in so much pain that he reportedly screamed that he wanted to die, as he was in his last days of dealing with cancer, but I'm a stubborn lil shit and will fight, and moan, and fight, and moan.

Having seen a couple of relatives die slowly and very painfully of terminal cancer, if I'm ever given that diagnosis I'll be taking an overdose and shortly afterwards jumping off a very tall building. It's not something I say lightly either, and if it's something that can be fought with chemo / an operation I'd definitely do that, but terminal cancer is fucking horrific and I want no truck with it.

[Pijlstaart]

Death is not for the likes of me, my place is in the hamster wheel racking up nectar points. Imagine giving up the fight just because you've got a colostomy bag, shameful, if I had a colostomy bag I'd wield it with aplomb; pillow-fighting, bagpipes, crop-dusting, you name it, you've got a valuable new tool in your arsenal. In your final years you get to shrivel up into an unprecedented shape, iconic, and it could be what defines you, Churchill was a handsome man with a rich full life but we remember him fondly as this stooped bog ogre. You'll grow into it.

Imagine if the nation's saviour Tom Moore had killed himself each time the Daily Mail told him the muslims have taken christendom. "This is the last straw!" he'd harrumph, pulling the bath plug and letting the current take him, and it'd be a great death, no question about it, orgasmic, but without him there'd be no hospitals anymore, none. Just you think about that then.

[ollyboro]

Having seen a couple of relatives die slowly and very painfully of terminal cancer, if I'm ever given that diagnosis I'll be taking an overdose and shortly afterwards jumping off a very tall building. It's not something I say lightly either, and if it's something that can be fought with chemo / an operation I'd definitely do that, but terminal cancer is fucking horrific and I want no truck with it.

Do not jump off a tall building, you selfish cunt, think about the poor bastard who'll have to scrape you up. If you're prepared to pay for my ticket, then I'm happy to take you to Switzerland. And push you off a mountain. Saint Moritz in Feb suits....okay yah?

[Bence Fekete]

Putting together an extensive psychedelic loot capsule with 2 years supply I'm going to bury up in the woods near my parents.

Terminal diagnosis = (remaining days/ lsd tolerance cycle) x heroic doses, so I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to it but on some level I'm looking forward to it. 

[honeychile]

On the other hand I've always wanted to burn down the headquarters of a really large multinational corporation, so if I have to spend my last few weeks in a hospital bed anyway, it would be nice to always have a young policeperson (from a constantly-changing roster) to keep me company and share my opioid dreams with.

Yes. For god's sake, if you're got terminal cancer and don't want to face out what's left, don't die with dignity surrounded by the people you love; don't just take an overdose or jump off a tall building; use the pain, man. Self-immolation outside saudi embassy with yemeni flag painted on face. Hang self from tree opposite BP headquarters protesting fossil fuels. March up and down Canary Wharf DLR station denouncing oligarchism and inequality before hurling self in front of oncoming train. Live stream denunciations of cuts to rural bus routes before strapping heavy boulder around neck and diving into Thames.

Use the pain, man.

[monkfromhavana]

Probably gobble loads of acid.

[sirhenry]

Having seen a couple of relatives die slowly and very painfully of terminal cancer, if I'm ever given that diagnosis I'll be taking an overdose and shortly afterwards jumping off a very tall building. It's not something I say lightly either, and if it's something that can be fought with chemo / an operation I'd definitely do that, but terminal cancer is fucking horrific and I want no truck with it.

My dad died slowly and very painfully from lung cancer when I was a teenager and it was horrific to watch, so when they told me I had terminal lung cancer (with a 6% chance of surviving 2 more months) I was determined not to do that to my kids. So I focused on making the fortnightly comedy podcast, having fun with the kids and sourcing a good target or two for when things got bad. But they never did.

One of the worst things I did was taking the kids to see Guardians of the Galaxy as it had just come out when I got my diagnosis. That opening scene was unexpected and fucking traumatic for us all.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Do not jump off a tall building, you selfish cunt, think about the poor bastard who'll have to scrape you up. If you're prepared to pay for my ticket, then I'm happy to take you to Switzerland. And push you off a mountain. Saint Moritz in Feb suits....okay yah?

Nah, I intend to spend every penny I have on drugs and prostitutes before my death, so alas it's not to be. But to meet you (sort of) half way, I am prepared to strap ten jars of strawberry jam around my stomach (and more if there's the space) so at least while scraping me up the poor bastard would be surrounded by a pleasant odour.