Author Topic: Vacuum cleaners  (Read 659 times)

Vacuum cleaners
« on: August 01, 2020, 10:59:08 PM »
Christ, these are a fucking misery to buy. All I want is something small with reliable suction to get a few awkward corners dealt with and the debris from some v small DIY/crafts projects.

Small/portable ones seem to have such a mad variety of use cases that it's hard to trust any online review without spending £200 on a Dyson. I'd rather have none at all than something that involves loads of gathering dirt up with a brush or my hand into little bundles to vacuum up and I don't want something that's gonna die in a year and be totally worthless.



What's your vacuum cleaner like? How long has it lasted? Would you recommend the same model? Have you ever bought an old Dyson off ebay?

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2020, 11:01:33 PM »
Wanking stories CaB meme etc

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2020, 11:04:42 PM »
https://www.argos.co.uk/product/4498223?istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=c290d9a9-b5d6-423c-841d-2a559621874c&istItemId=ipxaqammi&istBid=t&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7cacid:598-923-9094%7ccid:9549408459%7cagid:97028004439%7ctid:aud-378671944447:pla-884920913950%7ccrid:422748696149%7cnw:g%7crnd:1051168804485671016%7cdvc:c%7cadp:%7cmt:%7cloc:9045651&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=9549408459&utm_term=4498223&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=97028004439&utm_custom2=598-923-9094&gclid=Cj0KCQjwpZT5BRCdARIsAGEX0znny864q2QtLM0m_tRHzzR18ZfWeRquPoq9hIf8uYgDgznupR3hILwaAhsBEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Got that a year ago absolutley fine wood carpet stairs buy it and spend no more time worrying about it. it sucks like fuck and hasnt broken

Cuellar

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2020, 11:10:47 PM »
Got one of these https://www.johnlewis.com/bosch-athlet-bch6ath1gb-60-minute-runtime-cordless-upright-vacuum-cleaner-silver/p2103307

about two(?) years ago - battery already shot to fuck, doesn't last 10 minutes continuous. Putting the hose attachments etc. on it is a pain in the arse. Wouldn't get one. Very cumbersome.

I'd probably spend the extra on one of this stick-like Dysons. We had a VAC stick-like thing that was much more mobile but the suction was shit.

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2020, 11:30:43 PM »
We have a Henry. The hose is too long and gets tangled round your legs. You pull on it to get him to move but the fucker just doesn't go where you want - all the while he's grinning at you like "yeah, you think you're the boss? Fuck you. I do what I want. Oooh is that cat hair?" banging into your door frames and getting deliberately caught against the sofa or just rolling onto his back like some little mad red fucker, roaring boiling hot air against your legs.

Whenever I get an upright vacuum cleaner I just hate them cos they're so fucking unwieldy and wish I had a cylinder jobby. But then you get fucking Henry and his deliberately obstructive demeanour and I'm back wishing for an upright.

And that's why our carpets are such a mess, officer.

Non Stop Dancer

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2020, 11:45:18 PM »
Just don't get a cordless one. They're fucking shit.

Blumf

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2020, 11:51:36 PM »

Pingers

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2020, 12:02:26 AM »
We have a Henry. The hose is too long and gets tangled round your legs. You pull on it to get him to move but the fucker just doesn't go where you want - all the while he's grinning at you like "yeah, you think you're the boss? Fuck you. I do what I want. Oooh is that cat hair?" banging into your door frames and getting deliberately caught against the sofa or just rolling onto his back like some little mad red fucker, roaring boiling hot air against your legs.

Whenever I get an upright vacuum cleaner I just hate them cos they're so fucking unwieldy and wish I had a cylinder jobby. But then you get fucking Henry and his deliberately obstructive demeanour and I'm back wishing for an upright.

And that's why our carpets are such a mess, officer.

Get a Hetty. Smaller and more wieldy. I can't tell you how good I felt carrying my pink Hetty out of Argos in a particularly macho end of the city centre.

Also:
Quote
All I want is something small with reliable suction
. Mate.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2020, 12:21:39 AM »
I bought an upright Shark vac Thursday,  the choice was easy. It was $120 and the rest were over $300. Looks a bit like EVA off Wall E.

Buelligan

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2020, 12:37:40 AM »
I'm a cleaner so I get to use these things.  A lot of expensive ones seem to die young.  Also, a lot of pricey ones have shit tools that fall apart very early on.  The Henry-types, there are knock offs, copies and little ones are cheaper and seem to live forever, I know someone with a Karcher Henry one.  They used it to hoover up the ash from their fire when it was still alight.  Imagine what that did when it entered a paper bag of dry hair and dust, with air being rapidly forced through it.  They threw it in the garden and attacked it with a high pressure hose until it was docile again.  It still works.  Get one of the Henry-types is my advice.  The Dyson ones are shit, btw, lose their suck very easily IMO.  More about having an object than what it does.  Fine if you don't want to do any hoovering.  And who does?

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2020, 02:55:15 AM »
Can't you just suck up the filth with your mouth, lick the skirting board clean and gob the contents into a bin bag?

Buelligan

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2020, 07:21:15 AM »
Not on minimum wage.

seepage

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2020, 07:32:16 AM »
only sucker partner's been happy with is this Einhell thing: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00JXKNBFY/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 . Makes a sound like a Panzer IV having a bad day in the Ardennes but gets the job done apparently.

NoSleep

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #13 on: August 02, 2020, 07:32:19 AM »
Yup, get a henry.

thenoise

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2020, 08:51:08 AM »
Since they inherited money and are pretending to be rich people, my parents to through Dysons like Tory ministers go through secretaries. Our 80s Henry saw us through the whole of my childhood. It was never brilliant, and it didnt make my mum feel like Nigella Lawson when she pushed it around and barked at us to lift our feet up. But it sucked up dust and it kept going and you didnt have to empty it 4 times just to cover the whole house. And at the end of a long afternoon's vacuuming, by jove he was still smiling. That's the spirit Henry!

We have a Miele, came with the house. It's ok. Better than a Dyson.

Buelligan

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #15 on: August 02, 2020, 08:59:32 AM »
I've had two Miele's, the first was pretty good and lived long.  The second, an upgrade, lasted only a few years.  I don't know if they went off the boil build-wise or it was just a rogue but, on balance, money for old rope bagged, no bargain.

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2020, 11:46:21 AM »
Also in the exciting world of cleaning - Henry would be my first choice too. Just need to get the knack of not ending up like one of those click bait pictures of a dog wrapped in a boa constrictor.
Miele seem very robust and good suction but the one I have at home weighs a tonne.

Not quite sure how bently  has managed to antagonise his so much.

Jockice

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2020, 12:14:54 PM »
Vacuum cleaners shouldn't have faces. End of. I have a Vax. It's okay.

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2020, 12:30:26 PM »
We recently got a Morphy Richards SuperVac for the flat. It's nice and sleek and lightweight, quiet as a mouse, and being able to snap out the handheld vac bit is good, but I'm not convinced it's got the most amazing suction for the price (about £70) as the suction and storage is all in the handheld bit so essentially you're buying a handheld vac with a fancy upright charger.

Admittedly it's been put through its paces as my flatmate and I both have long hair which tends to moult a fair bit, and the flat's also been occupied by a very fluffy dog since our old vac broke about a few weeks ago, so there was a fair backlog to get through.

A few years ago I had a bright green one from Clas Ohlson which cost about £30 and was pretty decent for that price. Can't find it on their confusing Amazon store now though.

Blumf

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2020, 01:02:26 PM »
only sucker partner's been happy with is this Einhell thing: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00JXKNBFY/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 . Makes a sound like a Panzer IV having a bad day in the Ardennes but gets the job done apparently.

Seems it had a bad pint:


Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2020, 07:02:02 PM »
Key point here guys: I live in a tiny studio apartment and I doubt I'm gonna be in much bigger of one in the near future.  Portable ones seem like a bit of a scam in this case cos I'm paying way more for the premium of okay suction with no cord. I am totally okay with a cord.


Are the smaller Henry ones any good? Henry Micro? His cousin Thomas?

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #21 on: August 02, 2020, 08:46:06 PM »
Fuck Henry. Fuck Henry in his motherfucking ass.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #22 on: August 02, 2020, 08:52:03 PM »
Wish I'd liberated one of the many Nilfisk vacs that were lying unwanted in our works changing room.

sirhenry

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #23 on: August 02, 2020, 08:55:51 PM »

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #24 on: August 02, 2020, 09:27:57 PM »
Just remembered that one the internet killer had that was traced on Don't F**k With Cats looked pretty decent.

PlanktonSideburns

  • and now the dream is over: the pingu is awake
Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2020, 10:33:41 PM »
Key point here guys: I live in a tiny studio apartment and I doubt I'm gonna be in much bigger of one in the near future.  Portable ones seem like a bit of a scam in this case cos I'm paying way more for the premium of okay suction with no cord. I am totally okay with a cord.


Are the smaller Henry ones any good? Henry Micro? His cousin Thomas?

Get the one I said

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #26 on: August 02, 2020, 11:06:41 PM »
Trying to find the video someone posted here a few years ago which was called something like "Henry ultimate suck-off challenge" (it was a Henry enthusiast pitting various models against each other in seeing how fast they could clean up bits of fluff), and now I've ended up in the weird bit of YouTube filled with ASMR wanking videos about sentient vacuum cleaners noshing each other off: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feyCumArcus

Blumf

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Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2020, 11:08:11 PM »
Youtuber ibaisaic[1] should sate your vacuuming needs.

He has Bob Belcher thing going on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd28AILNe_s
 1. "It Beats As It Sweeps As It Cleans", old Hoover slogan

Re: Vacuum cleaners
« Reply #28 on: August 02, 2020, 11:20:15 PM »
Quote
"It Beats As It Sweeps As It Cleans"

I bet that's what some of the subscribers to those channels are doing too.

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