Working with the Government

[olliebean]

If this comes off, I could be working with the Government. This may mean you observe more rational and sensible posts from me moving forward.

I'm sorry, which Government is this?

[Dr Trouser]

I work very closely with the U.K. Gov (BEIS, Cabinet Office, DTI) and the Scottish Gov. All are full of people trying to do the right thing but unfortunately are hampered by political twats.

If you started an SME to look at poo based COVID levels the IUK would cover you in sweet sweet funding. Cab Off don't have much direct funding but can get money from Treasury but it's more likely you'll be asked to apply via another ministry. I do wonder if there's something in emergent alliance that you could tap into.

[BlodwynPig]

And BTW I've found Blodders in the BBC news, he seems about to attack a co-worker with a scaffolding pole, though it may also be him in the video wearing his smart new work suit.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-53635692

Singer leads another Wastewater surveillance project that my colleague is part of, it includes quite a few universities including Bangor, Edinburgh, Bath. It was the reason UKRI didn't fund my project (too many turds in the pipe). Anyway, they haven't got a method to predict prevalence correctly - in essence, they are shouting loudest but can't back it up with the beans...that's where my project will step up and smack them down a notch or two.

Cue: Blodwyn being interviewed by Squeee on BBC breakfast "I think the Government and the BBC are the true heroes in all of this. God bless you Munchetty&Walker"

[BlodwynPig]

I work very closely with the U.K. Gov (BEIS, Cabinet Office, DTI) and the Scottish Gov. All are full of people trying to do the right thing but unfortunately are hampered by political twats.

If you started an SME to look at poo based COVID levels the IUK would cover you in sweet sweet funding. Cab Off don't have much direct funding but can get money from Treasury but it's more likely you'll be asked to apply via another ministry. I do wonder if there's something in emergent alliance that you could tap into.

tbh, I only found out about the cabinet office involvement yesterday, it wasn't something I was thinking about, plenty of programmes down the usual funding routes, but they are getting a lot more strategic and tighter with applications. I will see what these guys say and suggest, but they seem very keen (excitable even), which is novel for me, having usually to jump through hoops even just to be noticed let alone accepted.

oh, and thanks BTW.

[Dr Trouser]

You need to big up the TRL and how fast you can get to a usable solution. That will get them salivating. If you can articulate the ROI in terms they understand then it should be easier.

PM me if you want some of my poo to inspect need any advice

[monkfromhavana]

Blod, have you never seen O Lucky Man!? That's what they've got in store for you.

No, of course I jest, good luck working in all your evil endeavours.

[BlodwynPig]

You need to big up the TRL and how fast you can get to a usable solution. That will get them salivating. If you can articulate the ROI in terms they understand then it should be easier.

PM me if you want some of my poo to inspect need any advice

It's so "simple" that it is already TRL max, and it is cheap (my salary), so ROI is massive.

I think they get that already as I wrote quite an extensive email and that's presumably why the responded instead of binning the message.

[Neville Chamberlain]

.

[Jockice]

A schoolfriend of mine is a very bigwig in the civil service, based in the Cabinet Office. He refuses to discuss his work with us (and apparently isn't allowed to go on any social media platform) so it was rumoured for years that he was a spy. He's not but he is involved in national security at a very high level.

The thing is that he did the same subjects as me at A-level and got exactly the same results. So he's no more intelligent than me, just much more ambitious. And confident. He's a good-looking bloke who obviously knows that this works in his favour. I'm not jealous though. Much. It must be extremely hard and stressful plus he no doubt has to deal with cunts on a daily basis. While I only have to deal with you lot.

[BlodwynPig]

A schoolfriend of mine is a very bigwig in the civil service, based in the Cabinet Office. He refuses to discuss his work with us (and apparently isn't allowed to go on any social media platform) so it was rumoured for years that he was a spy. He's not but he is involved in national security at a very high level.

The thing is that he did the same subjects as me at A-level and got exactly the same results. So he's no more intelligent than me, just much more ambitious. And confident. He's a good-looking bloke who obviously knows that this works in his favour. I'm not jealous though. Much. It must be extremely hard and stressful plus he no doubt has to deal with cunts on a daily basis. While I only have to deal with you lot.

I now have to deal with you lot AND those cunts.

[BlodwynPig]

Meeting with the Government today, please do not disturb me
Meeting with DEFRA on Monday.

"so Blodwyn, one final thing...I see you don't use social media, how did you vote at the last election?"

[BlodwynPig]

Crikey, obviously can't say too much but they are looking at seconding me into the government. Scary. Especially as one guy had to drop out to speak with No. 10.

[Shit Good Nose]

A schoolfriend of mine is a very bigwig in the civil service, based in the Cabinet Office. He refuses to discuss his work with us (and apparently isn't allowed to go on any social media platform) so it was rumoured for years that he was a spy. He's not but he is involved in national security at a very high level.

The thing is that he did the same subjects as me at A-level and got exactly the same results. So he's no more intelligent than me, just much more ambitious. And confident. He's a good-looking bloke who obviously knows that this works in his favour. I'm not jealous though. Much. It must be extremely hard and stressful plus he no doubt has to deal with cunts on a daily basis. While I only have to deal with you lot.

The civil service is one of the very few places left where you can literally go in at the very bottom with nothing other than an average school education and still have the possibility of working your way up to the top (or near top) level.  Everyone who joined around the same time I did in the late mid-to-late 90s and still works there is in either a senior manager role in a local department or a middle tier role in London.  There IS also still a large element of "if your face fits" which, in my experience there, was always more important than ambition and drive.  One of the guys I worked with, who at the time you'd never imagine would amount to much as he had, by his own admission, no ambition and was just happy with what he was doing (which is fair enough - my dad always said it was a VERY lucky person who enjoyed their job), but his face fit and he's now a department director in Bristol.  My face did fit and, had I stayed, I reckon I'd be in a pretty cushy role and earning a significant chunk more than I am now, but I wasn't happy with certain things that happened and the way that it was run, so I had to get out.  And I have no regrets - whilst money is important, there's not much point having it if you're unhappy with the role in which you're earning it.

[poo]

used to kill foreigns for HM gov

[BlodwynPig]

The big time today. Was invited to sit in on a S^GE meeting after publishing a S^GE paper yesterday. Got some praise from V^ll^nce and positive feedback.

You can find the paper as it should be open published on their website at some point.

[Jasha]

Blod brings Hancock his latte and donut while Shitty Patel calls him an asshole

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

All our plans have worked, a splinter cell broken into the seats of power. Progress to Level 2.

                 L O A D I N G         L E V E L    2

L e v e l     2      :     T o t a l       F u c k d o w n 

[BlodwynPig]

All our plans have worked, a splinter cell broken into the seats of power. Progress to Level 2.

                 L O A D I N G         L E V E L    2

L e v e l     2      :     T o t a l       F u c k d o w n 

I have a meeting with Br0 n z e Command next week...2 steps from H^ n c0ck!

[Jockice]

The civil service is one of the very few places left where you can literally go in at the very bottom with nothing other than an average school education and still have the possibility of working your way up to the top (or near top) level.  Everyone who joined around the same time I did in the late mid-to-late 90s and still works there is in either a senior manager role in a local department or a middle tier role in London.  There IS also still a large element of "if your face fits" which, in my experience there, was always more important than ambition and drive.  One of the guys I worked with, who at the time you'd never imagine would amount to much as he had, by his own admission, no ambition and was just happy with what he was doing (which is fair enough - my dad always said it was a VERY lucky person who enjoyed their job), but his face fit and he's now a department director in Bristol.  My face did fit and, had I stayed, I reckon I'd be in a pretty cushy role and earning a significant chunk more than I am now, but I wasn't happy with certain things that happened and the way that it was run, so I had to get out.  And I have no regrets - whilst money is important, there's not much point having it if you're unhappy with the role in which you're earning it.

Just seen this. I also have two mates who are civil servants in Sheffield. One of them is a bit of a plodder, reliable but not particularly outgoing. I think he's been in the same position for years, is approaching retirement age and seems to be pleased about it. The other is more ambitious ,much more extroverted and again, a good-looking well-spoken chap (I've mentioned him before. He's the one who everyone assumes is really posh until I tell them that his dad was a driving instructor and he went to a comprehensive). He's been on a work placement in Barbados for the last two years. So obviously his face does fit. I wouldn't say that he was more intelligent than the other chap though, or even me come to think of it. It's just that his face fits more. Fair play to him though. He's a decent bloke.

I've never ever wanted to be in charge of other people though, so that's me fucked.

[BlodwynPig]

Well SGN is correct. I'm now a Civil Servant after passing the interview despite the zoom connection descending swiftly into chaos and having to dial in.

Shame it's not the old 4 day week, 3pm sign-off Civil Service, but the 7 day week 14 hour day one.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Well SGN is correct. I'm now a Civil Servant after passing the interview despite the zoom connection descending swiftly into chaos and having to dial in.

Shame it's not the old 4 day week, 3pm sign-off Civil Service, but the 7 day week 14 hour day one.

Breadline Britain

And I'm sat here with my freshly ironed copy of the Daily Mail telling me about the billions of WASTE and INEFFICIENCY in the public sector.

[BlodwynPig]

Breadline Britain

And I'm sat here with my freshly ironed copy of the Daily Mail telling me about the billions of WASTE and INEFFICIENCY in the public sector.

Hairline Britain.

Does this mean I will die with an orange in my mouth and an umbrella up my arse?

[FredNurke]

Could be the other way round, you never know.

[idunnosomename]

you WANT me to suck on your COCK?!

[BlodwynPig]

you WANT me to suck on your COCK?!

My HanCOCK, yes. Something that I might have to do if I get invited to the GOLD meetings, chaired by the great man.

If anyone thinks I am being cocky about this, I genuinely believe I have "failed upwards" as they say.