Author Topic: Star Trek: Desolation  (Read 3233 times)

PlanktonSideburns

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Star Trek: Desolation
« on: August 07, 2020, 04:22:50 PM »
A weeping Pakled rubs one out in a Jeffries Tube

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2020, 04:24:25 PM »
A weeping Pakled rubs one out in a Jeffries Tube

G.N.D.N - just like my spunk, he thinks

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2020, 04:34:26 PM »
Data: "I can't lay in the sun too long because I'm ginger and pale. "

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2020, 04:48:50 PM »
Another "who is the best captain" argument breaks out in ten forward.

Lemming

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2020, 04:54:37 PM »
Picard tearfully checks himself into a four-week Starfleet "sensitivity training" course after losing his rag and calling Worf a "mars bar cunt".

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2020, 05:06:15 PM »
The turbo lift shitter strikes again.

rack and peanut

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2020, 05:25:23 PM »
Gowron startles himself in a mirror

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2020, 05:27:53 PM »
In the middle of them snogging, Troi realises Riker's beard is actually his glued on pubes.

Odo turns into a lamp and watches Quark rubbing his ears to orgasm.


Glebe

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2020, 05:33:22 PM »
UHURA: Any stuff I can do, sir?

KIRK: Nah, you just sit at the back looking pretty, there's a good girl.

rack and peanut

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2020, 05:39:11 PM »
Jadzia dutifully informs Chief O'Brien that the toilet on the Defiant is blocked. O'Brien can barely avoid smirking as he makes a mental note to tell his wife, "She only managed to block it again, I don't know what she's eating."

Years later, an offhand comment by Keiko has Ezri vowing no Dax will ever trust an O'Brien again.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2020, 05:39:54 PM »
Spock actually isn't that smart and gets most of his comments from podcasts.


rack and peanut

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2020, 05:53:42 PM »
Commander Riker secretly loathes his beard, but the taunts of "Ensign Baby-face" still ring in his ears

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2020, 06:07:05 PM »
Due to an early morning mix up, a dementia-prone Kirk wanders onto the bridge wearing a tribble on his head. Apart from a few exasperated looks between Chekov and Sulu, nobody says anything.

rack and peanut

  • 'squito'd suck you dry if she could
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2020, 06:13:42 PM »
Prior to the V'ger incident, Dr Mcoy is stricken with anxiety after a botched routine procedure that will get him struck off. He is jubilant when the patient is killed in a transporter accident that erases all evidence.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2020, 06:23:35 PM »
Reg Barclay overhears another anecdote and trots off to work out how long to leave it before passing it off as his own

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #15 on: August 07, 2020, 06:31:16 PM »
The is Jean Luc Picard of the Star Trek Enterprise, I desperately need alien minors to fuck and kill. Do you possess any such beings to transport onto our starcraft in order for me to fuck and kill.

rack and peanut

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #16 on: August 07, 2020, 06:32:26 PM »
Cardassian interrogator leaves his torture remote on when he nips back home to make sure he didn't leave the oven on. When he returns 3 hours later to a near dead Picard he apologises profusely; "Sorry mate I only live 20 minutes away but I bumped into a guy I haven't seen in years and just got carried away chatting..."

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #17 on: August 07, 2020, 06:36:57 PM »
"Shaka, when the walls fell."

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #18 on: August 07, 2020, 07:30:42 PM »
Ensigns go on strike over the amount of cum they have to wipe off the holodeck, and the strike is broken by an angry Worf telling them he will make them fight him to the death if they do not go back to work. Worf then punishes them by doing a big jizz all over the holodeck floor.

Dr Bashir's favourite holodeck programme is Hollyoaks (2015).




PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #19 on: August 07, 2020, 07:39:12 PM »
Picard tearfully checks himself into a four-week Starfleet "sensitivity training" course after losing his rag and calling Worf a "mars bar cunt".

Toppled me

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #20 on: August 07, 2020, 07:40:28 PM »
Plankto realises that by having only ever liked,and therefore only properly watched voyager, most of the whimsy in a thread of his own creation will go over his head

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #21 on: August 07, 2020, 08:52:12 PM »
Everyone in ten forward realises that next up to tell an anecdote about growing up is Tasha Yar

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #22 on: August 07, 2020, 09:43:37 PM »
"Tea. Earl Grey. Hot" - Riker tries to emulate his idol but each time receives a lukewarm mug of PG Tips.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #23 on: August 07, 2020, 09:56:09 PM »
Picard and the crew have to stifle their laughter while opening up communications on the viewscreen to broker a Star Fleet trade agreement with Jordan Peterson, leader of the planet of the Jordan Peterson clones. Things go from a shaky start when everyone starts to snigger and half-cover their mouths as he regales them in a croaky high voice about how his planet was created as a last bastion of masculinity in case sissies took over the universe. Things start to smooth as the mutually beneficial trade in clonazepam is being discussed, but then break down when Peterson's eyes become as pinholes when he suddenly notices a young ensign is of the J'naii race who are genderless and starts quizzing the crew about bathroom protocol.

Due to the breakdown of the young ensign after a thorough diatribe from Peterson and the council of Petersons, the viewscreen is failed to be cleaned properly leaving a perfectly square bit of black dirt in its centre. Relations over Carbonara supplies don't go at all well when communications are later opened with leader Graham of planet Glinner.

Alberon

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #24 on: August 07, 2020, 10:11:16 PM »
Harry Kim does a computer search and finds out he’s the oldest ensign in starfleet.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #25 on: August 07, 2020, 10:27:50 PM »
JANEAWAY: Oh and Harry

JANEAWAY RAISES EYEBROW

stay away from the caves you fucking TWINK

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #26 on: August 07, 2020, 10:30:03 PM »
The goatee on finally wears his 'nards down to a bump by fucking up the weird way he sits down too many times

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #27 on: August 07, 2020, 10:34:58 PM »
Harry Kim discovers he’s outranked by all the replicators on Deck 3.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #28 on: August 07, 2020, 10:36:23 PM »
Harry Kim discovers he’s outranked by all the replicators on Deck 3.

Can totally imagine the face he does looking up from his terminal as he discovers this

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #29 on: August 07, 2020, 10:37:05 PM »
Can we please keep all posts about voyager by the way? Much better

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