Star Trek: Desolation

[Glebe]

Picard: I'm feeling incredibly excited about our next mission, sure it'll be filled with plenty of life-affirming exploration of discovery!

Q: Life is a meaningless joke.

FAKE EDIT: New Trekker Deso Page Twat. Here's Petrils post from last page:

this weeks wind up was getting Quark to black up then go to Sisko's office. Bashir was pissing himself while diagnosing the specifics of the kicking

[Fambo Number Mive]

Figures from the holodeck come alive again, but this time it's during Riker enjoying an Are You Being Served holodeck experience.

Geordi glues Wesley Crusher to a shuttlecraft seat and sets the shuttlecraft to autopilot onto a deserted planet before telling Chief O'Brien "One to beam up Chief."

[Alberon]

Harry Kim puts cotton wool in his ears to block out the noise of Tom Paris banging the Delaney Sisters next door.

Because of the cotton wool Kim totally misses the ship being attacked by sentient barstools. No one notices he's missing.

[petril]

Today's disciplinary: resolving the dispute over saving preferences locally on consoles instead of just logging in and saving it to your profile like you're meant to

[Lemming]

That little kid Worf adopted into the House of Mogh discovers that Worf's discommendation inexplicably effects him too. A visiting Klingon ambassador angrily accuses him of being a "p'takh" who is "without honour". He is 12 years old.

Midway through a long moralising speech, Picard realises that even he doesn't agree with the shit he's coming out with.

O'Brien is possessed by a malevolent alien entity, a creature of pure rage that results in abusive outbursts. Keiko fails to notice any change from normal.

Kira has a once-in-a-lifetime moment of lucidity and realises that the "Prophets" are pretty clearly just weird wormhole aliens. She frantically slaps a Bajoran ceremonial drum until the uncertainty passes.

[Hand Solo]

Gene Roddenberry: So I've got this idea for a new species of aliens for The Next Generation.

Producers: Oh that's interesting, Gene.

Gene Roddenberry: They're called the Ferengi, and they are kind of slimy and untrustworthy. Obsessed with money and visually their outstanding physical characteristic is they have giant noses.

Producers: Hmm. Don't you think people could read something into tha-

Gene Roddenberry: Giant ears?

Producers: Sold!

[Glebe]

RIKER'S QUARTERS.

RIKER: ENTER!

TROI: Hi Will. Thought I might stay the night.

RIKER: Nah mate just wanna play the saxophone on me own.

TROI: You are sad and our relationship is over.

[idunnosomename]

instant, maxwell house, lukewarm

[pancreas]

TASHA YAR: I am a trained actress, reduced to the status of a bum.

PICARD: One more episode, mate. The rest of us aren't happy with the situation either.

[Glebe]

KIRK: Beam us up, Scotty!

SCOTTY: Aye aye Cap'n! But if you don't mind I'm going to not let you fully-materialise for a while for fun!

Three hours later.

SCOTTY: I'm enjoying this!

[Hand Solo]

Ensign Wesley Crusher experimentally downloads Space Grindr on his communications device and scrolls through the profiles in a quiet moment on the bridge while the Captain is in his Ready Room. He then notices he recognises the face on nearest profile is the Captain himself! He receives an unsolicited dick pic from said profile, and the message "How about this Captain's Log, eh Wes? How about a quick blowie?"

Wesley nervously closes down the app, but is then summoned into the Ready Room by the Captain over his com badge. He tentatively gets up and walks in to greet 'Captain Prick Hard'.

The Captain looks at Wes and points to his crotch, "Make it slow."

[Glebe]

DR. BEVERLY CRUSHER: I HAVE NO SON.

WESLEY: What was that, Mom?

[idunnosomename]

Darth vador: luke i am your fathor

[Glebe]

WORF: Sir! The Ferengi Ambassador wishes to make visual contact!

PICARD: Onscreen!

FERENGI AMBASSADOR: Picard, we meet aga-

PICARD: -FUCK ME, you're an ugly-looking cunt and no mistake!

[petril]

TWO middle aged Bajorans try to run a bakery on Deep Space 9 while slowly succumbing to alcoholism

[Ferris]

In an update for the new generation, the Kobayashi Maru exercise becomes a "discussion" with an #FBPE twitter account.

[Glebe]

Riker switches off Data and puts him in a cupboard.

[petril]

Saru has snuck his personal padd on shift so he can skive off and organise his SNES ROM collection

[Glebe]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCbHD1Cf3LQ#t=4m35s

[Fambo Number Mive]

Is that Captain Edmonds in the chair?

[Glebe]

Is that Captain Edmonds in the chair?

Indeed it is Yer Edmonds. From House Party, I think?

[pancreas]

You spend the whole of your Pon Farr ritual wanking over pictures of Romulans.

[petril]

nightshift is almost ruined when the long running Stellaris save is corrupted and they can't remember which backup they were meant to restart from

[Glebe]

Kirk uses Spock's ears as cocktail sticks for cheese cubes.

[Alberon]

The rest of the crew hide from Harry Kim all week.

[PlanktonSideburns]

A privilege I am once again denied

Harry thinks

[Glebe]

During a quiet period Picard plays dominos on his own, while Riker is in the bog with the shits and Data is sorting his VHS collection into 'Fictional' and 'True Life'.

[Glebe]

Chekov spots a 'Watch out! There's a communist about!' poster in the ship canteen.

[Glebe]

"Hello, will you be long in that cubicle?"

"Just a minute, Captain. I'm having a piss, be out in a mo."

"Oh hi, Beverley!"

[petril]

Reg Barclay shrugs, abandons his dreams of adventure and settles for Chicken & Mushroom Pot Noodle from the replicator again