Star Trek: Desolation

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Spock gets cunted on absinth

Starts shouting LETS JUST DO IT, COME ON, LET'S JUST DO IT

[Glebe]

Picard just starts bumming Worf. I mean he JUST STARTS BUMMING HIM.

[Wonderful Butternut]

Janeway eats a raw baby.

[pancreas]

'Warp 9, Laforge! Get us out of here!'

'Captain, we can only manage Warp 6 while we finish the cleaning process. The dilithium crystals have been polluted with what appears to be Klingon semen.'

[petril]

a meeting is convened to announce a zero tolerance policy on telling new crew members that "you just shit yourself and the transporter sorts in within a few seconds. completely sanitised"

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Star Trek: Below Decks exists.

[Glebe]

JANEAWAY: Harry Kim has gotten stuck in a Jeffries tube.

GLEBE: I have never watched Voyager.

[Fishfinger]

Chief O'Brien wakes to find himself married to Danger Man.[nb]See last CaB Mafia game[/nb]

[Fishfinger]

After a glance at what's left of the returning away team, Chief O'Brien sets the 'days since the last life-changing teleporter accident' counter to zero. With a blushing emoji.

[Alberon]

Harry Kim discovers his cabin has been turned into a roller disco by Tom Paris.

[pancreas]

The latest Borg attack is not looking good for Corbyn.

[PlanktonSideburns]

JANEAWAY: Harry Kim has gotten stuck in a Jeffries tube.

GLEBE: I have never watched Voyager.

nailed it regardless

[jenna appleseed]

Riker switches off Data and puts him in a cupboard.

Captain Picard 'switches off' Wesley and locks him in a cupboard on a shuttle.

[Glebe]

nailed it regardless

I recognized him when I Googled the name. Does everybody hate him or summit?

Captain Picard 'switches off' Wesley and locks him in a cupboard on a shuttle.

"Er, hello, Beverly!"

"Captain, have you seen Wesley!"

"DON'T GET ANY BLANKETS!"

[PlanktonSideburns]

I recognized him when I Googled the name. Does everybody hate him or summit?

No its more like he's the baby of the group - he seems really lovely so it's funny to flush his head down the bog

Also if he as much as looks at a cave system he's gone gone like a chicken in the corn!

[Glebe]

"Chief O' Brien, what are you doing on the bridge?"

O' Brien ignores Picard and approaches Worf.

"I LOVE YOU!"

"Sir, Chief O' Brien's breath stinks of Guinness!"

O' Brien leaves the bridge in tears.

[Glebe]

"Captain, could I make you some tea, Earl Grey, hot, in your favourite cup?"

"Yes, that would be lovely, Wesley!"

"Oh sod it I've dropped your favourite cup and it smashed!"

"Oh fu... er, never mind. I'll make that tea myself!"

"Look I'm sorry Captain I-"

"-JUST LEAVE!"

[Glebe]

HARRY KIM: Captain, the Romulans are hailing us!

CAPTAIN JANEWAY: Fuck, and I was just going to sneak off for a crafty wank.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Ensigns go on strike over the amount of cum they have to wipe off the holodeck, and the strike is broken by an angry Worf telling them he will make them fight him to the death if they do not go back to work. Worf then punishes them by doing a big jizz all over the holodeck floor.

This problem goes away after Reg realises his mistake and sets his 'me and troi' program to private.

[Fambo Number Mive]

O'Brien beams another one of his turds into Wesley Crusher's bed. He's been on a special diet for weeks now to make them as smelly and runny as possible.

Picard agrees with O'Brien that a strange alien life form must be doing it, and tells Data to launch a probe. Nothing is found, but by then O'Brien has switched to other methods.

[Glebe]

PICARD: Haha look at O' Brien's curly, brown Irish hair!

O BRIEN: At least I have hair!

PICARD (very hurt): There was no call for that! Way below the belt, mate!

[Sebastian Cobb]

Geordi ends up with a genetically engineered brain parasite made by one of the Federation's enemies that was intended to wipe civilisations out by making them celibate.

Nobody notices.

[Glebe]

Birthday party for Worf.

"Are you having a good time, Captain?"

"Yes, Worf, fabulous! This Romulan cocktail is fan-tastic! Woo!"

"There is no need to pretend, Captain. I too am disgusted by this human display of 'fun'."

[Glebe]

"Happy Birthday Wesley! There's a lovely cake for you and everything!"

"Thanks Captain! Er, where is the cake?"

"It's in a Jeffries Tube. It's in a Jefferies Tube. Be careful."

[Glebe]

Picard shoots Harry Kim into a wormhole. "No idea who he is, but he looked like a cunt."

[dissolute ocelot]

Your 4000-word essay on why Star Trek wiki Memory Alpha should rewrite all its entries in the future tense is erased when you over-enthusiastically spill Klingon Bloodwine on your brand new £1800 laptop.

[Glebe]

"Hey Wesley! Look at my new space boots! They've got cleats!"

"Er... yes, that's really 'rad', Captain."

[petril]

Cirroc Lofton(Jake Sisko) snaps and decides to appear in every episode

[dr_christian_troy]

[Glebe]

^YES.