Star Trek: Desolation

[petril]

A glitch in Voyager's main computer results in a Howard Shipman hologram becoming the new EMS.

An ancient culture that communicates through bumming causes havoc for the Enterprise away team. The anus-free Data saves the day but not before Riker and several red shirts prolapse in spectacular fashion. Guest starring Dom DeLuise and Rip Torn.

they're all Rip Torn by the time etc

[Fambo Number Mive]

The Ferengi travel back in time to the 1980s and get some advice from Margaret Thatcher and Norman Tebbit on updating the Rules of Acquisition.

[Glebe]

Harry Kim is given redshirt status and beamed down alone onto a hostile planet.

[Fishfinger]

Ensign Jefferies, ironically, was born without a tube. He joined Starfleet hoping to get away from all the jokes. It's just a five-year mission, he tells himself in the mirror. Just five. Years.

[pancreas]

An ancient culture that communicates through bumming causes havoc for the Enterprise away team. The anus-free Data saves the day but not before Riker and several red shirts prolapse in spectacular fashion. Guest starring Dom DeLuise and Rip Torn.

#Clowne.

[Glebe]

"Harry Kim, will you please personally deliver this Jeffries Tube to the Cardassian Empire?"

"Yes Captain, I will. I will do that."

[petril]

the new ensign is sent to fetch a tartan, left handed, long-weight Jeffries Tube

[Glebe]

JANEWAY: Seven, where is Harry Ki-

SEVEN: -Jeffries Tube.

JANEWAY: Thought as much, just double-checking.

[Mr_Simnock]

Quark wonders how long it will take Rom to work out his daily morning raktajino is actually kira's warmed up period juice

[bgmnts]

Q gets pissed on Tennants and wipes out half the delta quadrant.

[Glebe]

TROI: You seem to be coming to a lot of sessions with me lately Troi.

WORF: Yes, Counsellor, I, er... have a lot if problems.

TROI: I've also noticed you take awhile to stand up at the end of each session, and you kind of crab-walk out the door covering your groin.

WORF: Yeah ah me leg gets cramp.

[bgmnts]

Captains Log, Stardate 74225.7:

The Enterprise has been contacted by a race known as the Centrosians, on the planet Centroid III deep in the heart of the Beige Cluster.

Their motives are currently unknown but a surface scan of the planet detects a startling lack of life.

[Glebe]

SEVEN: Captain, what's the RED ALERT code again?

CAPTAIN: HARRY KIM.

[petril]

a cluster of Borg are spotted on Bajor. they're left alone to drink a few cans on some waste ground while the dog barks and runs about a bit before the bookies opens

[Glebe]

"Our mission: to seek out new life. To boldly go where no Harry Kim has gone before."

[dr_christian_troy]

QUARK: Moogy, what the fuck are you doing with your fucking clothes on?

ROM: Moogy I need milk

QUARK: Come on mum get your tits out

[bgmnts]

WESLEY: Holodeck, run the Dr Crusher sex dream simulation.

[dr_christian_troy]

NEELIX: Captain, you look famished! Come and sit down and I'll prepare you a delicious meal. We have Croopian Malt Eggs, Seasoned Ferengi Fungi, Darakian Onions, and a nice glass of Klingon Blood Wine on the side.

CAPTAIN: Thank you Neelix.

NEELIX: Captain, I was wondering I may ask for your advice?

CAPTAIN: What's this regarding?

NEELIX: I'm worried about Kes.

CAPTAIN: What seems to be the problem?

NEELIX: She seems to have the mindset of a child.

CAPTAIN: Neelix, you're dating a 1 year old. I know we're all tolerating this because we need your assistance on our journey home but the second we reach the Alpha Quadrant we're pushing you out of an airlock, you absolute nonce.

[petril]

the rest of the crew sigh in relief, having had to keep it zipped because you just know he'd just turn it into another guilt trip about that fucking genocide. money's on Chakotay to be first to lose the rag and take a swing. a real dark horse.

[dissolute ocelot]

Jennifer Lien: How Harry Kim's Sex Appeal Ended Her Career

[pancreas]

Harry Kim manages to reprogram the EMH to let him felch him.

[Glebe]

Harry Kim is on the ocean, but neither Darmok nor Jalad could give two fucks, their arms wide.

[petril]

Harry Kim is on the ocean, but neither Darmok nor Jalad could give two fucks, their arms wide.

giving it "BY FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR THE GREATEST TEAM, THE WORLD'S EVER SEEEEN", then applauding themselves

[Glebe]

"It's Harry Kim, Jim, but not as we know him."

[idunnosomename]

Darth Vader: Don't you know who I am?

Jean-Luc Picard: no sorry

[Glebe]

Darth Vader: Don't you know who I am?

Jean-Luc Picard: no sorry

PICARD: Look, if we're doing a crossover, can you take Harry Kim with you?

VADER: Not a chance, mate. Not a chance.

[Glebe]

SEVEN: Captain, who are you selecting for the reconnaissance mission?

JANEWAY: Anyone you like except Harry Kim, obvs.

[petril]

O'Brien's sideline doing house repairs down on Bajor is rumbled when he is stung on one of those cowboy builder programmes

[Glebe]

"Sir, Darmok and Jalad are waiting for you on the Holodeck."

"Thank you, Worf. I'll deal with them later."

[Glebe]

"Sir, we are being hailed!"

"Onscreen, Mr. Worf!"

"Help us... we are the Jubnovlians, a peaceful race! We need your assistance!"

"Engage all missles, FIRE!"

"But sir-"

"Just DO IT, Mr. Worf."

"No survivors, sir."

"Why did you do that, Captain?"

"I'm... I'm sorry Will... I don't know what came over me. I'll hand in my resignation in the morning. Just going to have a pint and think things over, see you later everyone."