Author Topic: Star Trek: Desolation  (Read 3624 times)

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2020, 10:38:01 PM »
Neelix teleports his laptop into a black hole

Better safe than sorry

He thinks

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #31 on: August 07, 2020, 10:49:59 PM »
Worf and Troi drunkenly sneak into Riker's quarters during a works do and Worf drops a big smelly Klingon curry shit into Riker's saxophone for a laugh as they collapse into hysterics and run off. Unfortunately a drunk Riker later starts telling everyone on the bridge about his Bill Clinton on Arsenio impression and rushes off to get it, after returning he struggles to make a note until he gathers up one big breath and goes for a low B flat which sends a typhoon of soggy feculence into Picard's face.

Lemming

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2020, 10:51:18 PM »
A freak transporter accident makes Harry Kim's cock permanently 0.0003 cm smaller.

Seven's Borg implants malfunction and force every episode of "Birds of a Feather" to be broadcast directly into her retinas.

Have to get a DS9 one in here:

Kira screams in terror as Odo continues to shift his entire body mass into his shapeshifted cock. "Is this big enough for you?" he nervously asks as his head gruesomely shrinks and withers, its mass redistributed to the unviable, still growing monster-cock.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2020, 10:53:14 PM »


Have to get a DS9 one in here:


Booo

Do voyager ones

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #34 on: August 07, 2020, 10:56:42 PM »
Neelix double checks the door to his quaters are locked, pulls the spacecurtains, fires up his new laptop, types

Vidiian Phage Porn

What's happening to me? A distant part of his mind cries, but is inaudible over the sound of rushing blood

Lemming

  • Better a "lapdog to a slip of a girl" than a.. GIT
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #35 on: August 07, 2020, 11:06:06 PM »
Chakotay is summoned to deal with a minor altercation between two crewmembers in the mess hall.

"Fantastic," he thinks to himself, genuinely thrilled. "I'm not just a token Maquis hire."

"This is what being a First Officer is all about," he wrongly adds as he jogs off to the mess hall.

Meanwhile, Janeway negotiates with the Borg alone. Chakotay is not consulted.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #36 on: August 07, 2020, 11:07:27 PM »
Ensigns go on strike over the amount of cum they have to wipe off the holodeck, and the strike is broken by an angry Worf telling them he will make them fight him to the death if they do not go back to work. Worf then punishes them by doing a big jizz all over the holodeck floor.
Oh no. No no. It's much worse.

All holodecks are locked on Safe Mode. It's impossible to create a pornographic program.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #37 on: August 07, 2020, 11:07:51 PM »
Quote
Dr Bashir's favourite holodeck programme is Hollyoaks (2015).

I laughed. My surrogate also loved it.

Wonderful Butternut

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #38 on: August 07, 2020, 11:55:41 PM »
Meanwhile, on Voyager's bridge, Janeway orders Tuvok to 'enhance the shields' as they prepare to engage 20 Borg Spheres and 42 Klingon Negh'Var class attack cruisers.

They are successful because plot armour demands it.

5 minutes later however, they're defeated by a Space Spider with 7 of its legs cut off.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #39 on: August 07, 2020, 11:58:53 PM »
One of the lower deck lot starts playing with a transports blast shield:

"IT'S A BLAST SHIELD AND IT GOES UP AND IT GOES DOWN BLAST SHIELD!"

Is taken to sick bay and promptly treated by being beamed directly into the center of the nearest sun.

Wonderful Butternut

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #40 on: August 08, 2020, 12:11:34 AM »
Over on the USS Discovery, someone says 'fuck'.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #41 on: August 08, 2020, 12:37:12 AM »
Picard tearfully checks himself into a four-week Starfleet "sensitivity training" course after losing his rag and calling Worf a "mars bar cunt".

Brilliant

petrilTanaka

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #42 on: August 08, 2020, 12:39:19 AM »
the rediscovery of a lost human colony reveals a society modelled on the single piece of media they had: Baddiel's Syndrome

rack and peanut

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #43 on: August 08, 2020, 05:58:48 AM »
Seven of Nine emerges dishevelled from her alcove every morning after another night of quality drone porn beamed directly into her brain.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #44 on: August 08, 2020, 10:15:51 AM »
Trump, facing criminal charges and having lost the 2020 election, turns himself into a cyborg and travels forward in time to become President of Earth, turning Starfleet into the America First Fuck Everyone Else Spaceforce. Instead of the Starfleet logo, the communication badges have Trump's face on. The replicators only serve fast food and the only medicine that the sickbays stock is hydroxychloroquine.

Due to a mix up, Voyager is actually given an emergency medical holographic program of Dr. Kenneth Tinkle.


Spoon of Ploff

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #45 on: August 08, 2020, 10:16:58 AM »
Picard discovers someone has been using his Ressikan flute as a sex aid.

petrilTanaka

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #46 on: August 08, 2020, 10:34:53 AM »
Picard is discovered playing a Washington Redskins branded flute

Alberon

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #47 on: August 08, 2020, 10:37:05 AM »
Harry Kim discovers he’s living in one of the holodecks and Voyager actually got back to Earth four years previously.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #48 on: August 08, 2020, 11:26:00 AM »
"Captain, why do almost all our group holodeck adventures involve America in the early twentieth century?"

"Erm...look Data, a gangster with a machine gun! Get down!"


The Enterprise crew visit a planet full of people who have modelled their society on broadcasts of Fox News, pornography and Alex Jones videos beamed across space by a reclusive far-right billionaire in the early 21st century. Picard is unable to use the Prime Directive to interfere in any way.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #49 on: August 08, 2020, 12:22:48 PM »
"Tea: Earl Grey: Hot. Tea: Earl Grey: Hot, with a dash of arsenic"

be-beep

"Ah, Wesley, come in. I've made us tea already. Here is your cup".

petrilTanaka

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #50 on: August 08, 2020, 01:43:51 PM »
Everyone feels awkward because some Klingon lad's are stopping by for a bit, and some folk have started the comments that will inevitably slide into racist patter. Nobody feels as awkward as the HR manager, who grew up in the Romulan commuter belt

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #51 on: August 08, 2020, 03:05:39 PM »
Picard discovers someone has been using his Ressikan flute as a sex aid.

Wesley Crusher gets up from his chair and accidentally farts an F#.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #52 on: August 08, 2020, 04:02:58 PM »
Wesley Crusher gets up from his chair and accidentally farts an F#.

It makes Picard’s D-flat.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #53 on: August 08, 2020, 04:54:23 PM »
Chief O'Brien pronounces it "dilittium crystals" again. Riker raises an eyebrow and La Forge sniggers, the pair of cunts.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #54 on: August 08, 2020, 09:47:16 PM »
Wesley Crusher sees a premonition of his future career in a black hole and climbs into an airlock, flushing himself into the vacuum of space. A voice says (telepathically, you can't hear voices in the vacuum of space): "You cannot die, you are the star child!" It is Jim Parsons, come to claim him.

petrilTanaka

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #55 on: August 08, 2020, 10:52:56 PM »
Tuvok spends the day pretending to be neil off of The Young Ones

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #56 on: August 09, 2020, 12:36:41 AM »
Due to timetravel fuckery by Spock Prime going uncorrected by Spock Prime, Star Trek: Enterprise is now the only series which is still canon.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #57 on: August 09, 2020, 01:57:25 AM »
Maxwell House, not too hot mind, and one of those biscuits that looks like a plaster if you would

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #58 on: August 09, 2020, 11:38:03 AM »
Deanna Troi tells Captain Picard she has somehow become empathetically bonded to a non-corporeal entity "in distress and experiencing great pain" and proceeds to writhe around on the bridge floor making noises while rubbing one out. Picard spends a long time in the Ready Room afterwards.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #59 on: August 09, 2020, 12:48:31 PM »
Deanna Troi's perception transcends the fourth wall, and she becomes acutely aware of each teenage fan rubbing one out in his bedroom.

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