Star Trek: Desolation

[Glebe]

"Haha - Will, I just found out that one of crew is called Jeff Tube!"

"That's just a joke going around the ship, Jean-Luc."

"-FUCK OFF! Just FUCK OFF!"

[Hand Solo]

Will Riker explains how to join the Harry Kim fan club.

[Alberon]

After four weeks Harry Kim realises that the Secondary Bridge he's been reassigned to is actually a broom cupboard.

[Glebe]

After four weeks Harry Kim realises that the Secondary Bridge he's been reassigned to is actually a broom cupboard.

On a different ship.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Quark's been bottling his piss and selling it to Starfleet members as "an authentic Ferenghi drink".

A bored Odo changes into giant letters saying "Dr Bashir fucks goats" and sits on the Promenade for several weeks, despite attempts to drag him to the brig.

Whilst making love, Keiko O'Brien notices her husband's arsehole looks very much like the wormhole.

[petril]

Q turns up, slowly looks around, shrugs, sighs and then quietly wanders back down a corridor

[Glebe]

Harry Kim gets a face transplant to make himself look not like Harry Kim but everyone still knows it's him and he gets even more slaggings.

[Glebe]

Worf wanking naked.

[petril]

Harry Kim's birthday drinks see the creation of a new sport, a game of strategy, patience, deception and defecation. It's name? Ship's Log. It has a lot of the same mechanics as Bogies

[Glebe]

The Voyager lands on a planet where everyone has the face of Harry Kim. As a diplomatic gesture, Janeway and co. are forced to attend a sports event and the crew cannot help chanting "HARRY KIM, HARRY KIM, HARRY KIIIIIIM!"

[petril]

Harry Kim bets Tom Paris that his name's so common there are loads of Harry Kims in the Delta Quadrant

[Fambo Number Mive]

Worf wanking naked.

On the bridge during red alert.

[Glebe]

On the bridge during red alert.

"Lt. Worf, what are you doing?"

"Go on without me Captain, I must bring myself off! Harry Kim, Harry Kim, Harry Kim, Harry Kim..."

[petril]

another week, another new species, another culture, and another round of telling our new friends that you respond to hearing Harry Kim's name by saying "Gouranga" every time

[dr_christian_troy]

Jadzia Dax hears a vague non-canon rumour that Worf has two cocks. They get married and she's both elated and exhausted. Apparently.

[Glebe]

"Engage, warp factor Kim!"

[petril]

O'Brien looks at the Bolian crewman in anger

"OH DON'T FUCKING TELL ME, YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO FUCKING TELEPATHY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME AS WELL"

[dissolute ocelot]

O'Brien looks at the Bolian crewman in anger

"OH DON'T FUCKING TELL ME, YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO FUCKING TELEPATHY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME AS WELL"

"Everybody can do telepathy, O'Brien. Even the Crusher boy."

[Glebe]

Date stands above a sleeping Deanna for until she begins to stir.

[Fambo Number Mive]

The Enterprise is hailed by the USS Shippy Mc Shipface.

[PlanktonSideburns]

"Everybody can do telepathy, O'Brien. Even the Crusher boy."

love it

[Glebe]

"Sir, we are being hailed by Darmok!"

"Oh not that fucker again. Tell him to leave a message with, I dunno, Wesley."

[Chollis]

A steaming turd is left on the bridge in protest at the Enterprise's continued use of synthesized alcohol in Ten Forward. Two more weeks in the brig for Ensign Gary.

[Glebe]

"Sir, we have arrived at Tenagra!"

"What?! Lt. Worf, that was not our destination!"

"Sir, we are being hailed!"

"Fuck, it's gonna be that melted Paul Sorvino guy."

"No it's me, Harry Kim! Hey guys!"

"Whoop-de-fuckin'-doo."

[petril]

Kira tries to explain a delicate matter with a small, peaceful movement on Bajor being a bit stubborn

"Oh, so they're just culchies then?"

[Glebe]

Picard dresses up as Harry Kim for Halloween. "A success!" he smiles to himself as everyone runs away in terror.

[Fambo Number Mive]

The Enterprise is at Darnock 7, home of an alien race who wank really loudly. A group of Darnockians are beamed about and are honoured with the cabines next to the captain's quarters. Picard puts headphones on but can still hear the loud masturbation at night. In the end he tells O'Brien to "accidentally" beam them back to the planet.

[Glebe]

"Darnock and O'Brien, on the ocean of ejaculate."

[petril]

The Enterprise is at Darnock 7, home of an alien race who wank really loudly. A group of Darnockians are beamed about and are honoured with the cabines next to the captain's quarters. Picard puts headphones on but can still hear the loud masturbation at night. In the end he tells O'Brien to "accidentally" beam them back to the planet.

four months earlier, a Star Trek writer gleefully looked over a list of Scottish place names for inspiration. And asked a free friends at an LA Bar for Scottish references. The actually is what you'd expect - good enough to tick a box and that's it

[Glebe]

"This Ferengi Ambassador and his cortège have beamed aboard, Captain."

"Very good Chief O' Brien. Commander Riker, would you take the bridge while I... Will, what on Earth are you wearing on your face?!?"

"We're not on Earth now, Captain. Anythingcrazy can happen. Including me sporting this Harry Kim mask."