Author Topic: Star Trek: Desolation  (Read 3618 times)

petrilTanaka

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #60 on: August 09, 2020, 01:09:49 PM »
replicator statistical reports weren't autogenerated this morning; have to do it manually. well, trigger the autogeneration manually. it's like three keypresses, but it's an extra 90 seconds of effort

pancreas

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #61 on: August 09, 2020, 02:19:38 PM »
When you read the replicator reports you have to explain to Geordie La Forge that Riker is running up an enormous bill on Ferenghi dildos.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #62 on: August 09, 2020, 03:10:55 PM »
LaForge hides Worf's phaser in a jelly.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #63 on: August 09, 2020, 05:43:33 PM »
trying out a new toilet break pattern for the next few weekend shifts. if all goes well, you'll launch the week-round schedule next month. going to really improve the skiving stats

rack and peanut

  • 'squito'd suck you dry if she could
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #64 on: August 09, 2020, 05:57:12 PM »
Ro Laren beats a Cardy in a darkened room while O'Brien stands at the door, nodding approvingly.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #65 on: August 09, 2020, 06:58:15 PM »
An ageing Riker tries to sit down on a chair with castors, stumbles and ends up accidentally doing the splits on the floor while the chair is sent careering across the room.  The episode is dedicated to him struggling to get up again and the feelings of shame holding him back from tapping his combadge for help.

Discovery is sent further into the future and tries establishing contact with a civilisation of seemingly incommunicative amphibians, reasoning that they managed to communicate with mushrooms once.  They are shocked to discover that they are evolved humans.

On Voyager, an outbreak of SARS-Cov-2375 overwhelms the Doctor's ability to cope and he's forced to remove Harry Kim from a ventilator after Tom Paris is re-promoted to Lieutenant again and is deemed more important to save

An episode about Miles O'Brien's personal life happens.

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #66 on: August 09, 2020, 07:09:26 PM »
PICARD: Well that's another intergalactic problem solved. Full steam ahead, Mr. La Forge!

LA FORGE: Sure thing, Captain!

RIKER: And if I might just interject at this moment, not to be too informal Sir, but myself and the entire crew hope you enjoy your three-week vacation on the holiday planet Paradise #4.

PICARD (smiling): Thank you, Mr. Riker.

WORF: SIR! We are getting an emergency hailing frequency!

PICARD: (heavy sigh) Oh boy...

Lemming

  • Better a "lapdog to a slip of a girl" than a.. GIT
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #67 on: August 09, 2020, 10:30:28 PM »
The Enterprise-D encounters a planet of child molesters. That's literally it, that's the entire culture, the entire basis for their society.

Troi insists that something be done. "Remember, counsellor, the Prime Directive protects us first and foremost from ourselves," Picard lectures her. "Who are we to say what's 'wrong' or 'right'? Perhaps, to them, it is we who are the savages."

Troi is subsequently cleared of murder, her defence of "twat deserved it" sending her smoothly through the Federation courts.

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #68 on: August 09, 2020, 11:20:21 PM »
Picard tearfully checks himself into a four-week Starfleet "sensitivity training" course after losing his rag and calling Worf a "mars bar cunt".

Just want to add that I, too, am amused by this.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #69 on: August 09, 2020, 11:22:33 PM »
Spock spends the entire shift watching Tellarite porn on his scanner, but doesn’t realise the whole bridge crew knows what he’s up to.

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #70 on: August 09, 2020, 11:27:21 PM »
LIKE A FROG VERSION OF PAUL SORVINO: Darmok, his arms wide!

PICARD: Fuck I'm stranded here and I have to deal with this shit on top of it and everything.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #71 on: August 10, 2020, 06:37:01 AM »
KIM: Captain, I’m detecting a...

JANEWAYS: OI! Remember the deal! You can stand there, but you keep your festering gob shut!

Kim nods sadly and goes back to his game of solitaire.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #72 on: August 10, 2020, 11:19:18 AM »
Everything from the replicator is flavored with bergamot.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #73 on: August 10, 2020, 01:07:52 PM »
An ensign strangles his bunkmate after the fifth night of having to listen to a four hour wanking session, complete with commentary and loud groaning at the end. Janeway sentences the murderous ensign to have to eat Neelix's food and pretend it is nice every day. The ensign opts for being shot out the airlock instead.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #74 on: August 10, 2020, 02:29:19 PM »
Kira is just snapping and bringing up the Occupation in every conversation. has been all month. Even Odo's fucked off with it

Lemming

  • Better a "lapdog to a slip of a girl" than a.. GIT
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #75 on: August 10, 2020, 03:51:00 PM »
Kira is just snapping and bringing up the Occupation in every conversation. has been all month. Even Odo's fucked off with it

O'Brien is branded a "Cardie sympathiser" for daring to pipe up with a meek "I think you're taking this a bit far, Major". The resulting stress pushes his marriage to absolute breaking point

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #76 on: August 10, 2020, 10:51:17 PM »
PICARD: I'm sorry O' Brien but I gave you your last warning. This is the third time you've turned up for work late stinking of Guinness. I'm afraid I'll have let you go.

CHIEF O' BRIEN: Yeah you can take your shitty job and shove it anyway yeh English cunt.

PICARD: I'm French actually.

O' BRIEN: Whatever I'm off to end it all, what's the fucking point?

O' BRIEN leaves Picard's office. Picard starts crying for five minutes. The camera zooms in slowly on this existential moment.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #77 on: August 11, 2020, 01:08:59 AM »
this week's team motivation contest is seeing who can get through to Quark at work, call him a prick and then hang up the most times without being identified

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #78 on: August 11, 2020, 11:28:43 AM »
Data's emotion chip is jammed on, swiftly resulting in a physical intervention and his demotion to 'hat stand'. The chip props up a wobbly table in an unpopular shuttle bay.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #79 on: August 11, 2020, 02:25:24 PM »
Wesley refers to himself repeatedly as "The Crusher" after a creditable second place in the Thursday evening tridimensional chess social.

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #80 on: August 11, 2020, 03:55:22 PM »
Picard cradles Riker as the life leaks out of his first officer's shattered form. He leans close, as if overcome. "I want you to know... that every time I called you Number One... I was genuinely calling you Piss." Riker drowns in blood as Picard hoots with laughter into his stupid, bearded face. "Every time!"

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #81 on: August 11, 2020, 03:57:39 PM »
Picard catches Wesley Crusher sniffing his seat again.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #82 on: August 11, 2020, 04:37:00 PM »
Chakotay's new hobby is making hoax threats under the name "The Real Maquis". They'll never catch him.

They know it's him, they're just not arsed. cigs.

rack and peanut

  • 'squito'd suck you dry if she could
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #83 on: August 11, 2020, 04:46:52 PM »
Captain Pike is seen getting up and walking around normally, using his blue badge to gain parking priviledges. His defence of boop boop doesn't pass muster.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #84 on: August 11, 2020, 05:19:05 PM »
Picard cradles Riker as the life leaks out of his first officer's shattered form. He leans close, as if overcome. "I want you to know... that every time I called you Number One... I was genuinely calling you Piss." Riker drowns in blood as Picard hoots with laughter into his stupid, bearded face. "Every time!"

lovely

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #85 on: August 11, 2020, 07:11:44 PM »
Paris gets Harry Kim to join him in his new holonovel of the Drunken Bakers

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #86 on: August 11, 2020, 07:13:15 PM »
O'Brien drops his phone in the toilet

Kryton

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #87 on: August 11, 2020, 07:14:40 PM »
We've had to close the holodeck because we've discovered human faeces all over the walls.

Kelvin

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Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #88 on: August 11, 2020, 08:10:52 PM »
For the third night in a row, Jean-Luc stares tearfully at his wigged head in the mirror, and peels it off with a trembling hand.

The seam is just too obvious. 

Re: Star Trek: Desolation
« Reply #89 on: August 11, 2020, 08:27:18 PM »
In close on Picard. "But, after all we've learned... is it really... so wrong to... have sex with... all these lovely..." Behind the gleam of the captain's dome, the multiple teleportations are as obvious as they are ignored.

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