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Star Trek: Desolation

Started by PlanktonSideburns, August 07, 2020, 04:22:50 PM

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Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

The crew rescues a stasis pod and defrosts Insane Clown Posse, forever dating the show horribly.

pancreas

Guinan is in the brig for tagging #BLM in the lifts.

Spoon of Ploff

Neelix returns to his quarters to find someone has spray painted "Kill the Talaxian Pedo Nonce" across the entrance... again.

dissolute ocelot

Scott Bakula is still expecting to teleport into the body of a black basketball player in 1968. He drums his fingers on the console, noticing how short his arms are.

petril

Quote from: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on August 11, 2020, 11:23:19 PM
The crew rescues a stasis pod and defrosts Insane Clown Posse, forever dating the show horribly.

Shaggy 2 Dope racks up the extra fees for responding to every technological bit of talk with a simple enquiry as to how works.

the episode ends with the pair leaving the ship because WCW has offered them another run

Glebe

WORF: What are you staring at?

DATA: Your weird head. It is different to the humans.

RIKER: Captain, Worf has dismantled Data.

Glebe

RIKER: O Captain O Captain there's like a sort of alien thing out there!

PICARD: Dafuq?

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

The writers get into an online argument with some Star Wars fans over whether the Enterprise could beat a Star Destroyer in a battle, and start aggressively writing in new scenes and technobabble to prove that it TOTALLY CAN

Glebe

BRIDGE INTERCOM: Hello, Captain Picard? This is the Head of the Cleaning Department.

PICARD (slightly apprehensive): Yes, go ahead.

BRIDGE INTERCOM: I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but one of my cleaning staff said you left a cubicle in a right old state. I know we handle the sanitation and everything but apparently this was particularly bad, a really shitty bowl, and we have to draw the line somewhere. I know you're the Captain and everything but still. I'd appreciate it if you'd come down and 'sort out your own mess', as it were.

PICARD: Yes. Picard out. I'm sorry you all had to hear that. Commander Riker, would you take the bridge please. I'd er... better go and sort that out.

petril

"oh jaysus", because Bashir is going through a bit of a GAA phase

petril

"welcome to Deep Space Nine, and sorry, the closest thing we have to real snooker is Big Break Christmas Tape holonovels."

rack and peanut

Chief O'Brien tries hard to hide his chagrin at the news his wife will be returned to adulthood.

Glebe

PICARD: Tea, Earl Grey, hot.

REPLICATOR: I'm sorry but I'm out of Earl Grey at the moment. How about a nice hot choc-

PICARD: -LOOK I'VE HAD A HARD DAY AND I WANT MY BLOODY EARL GREY! Oh. I'm sorry. I've been through a very trying afternoon negotiating with the Klingon Ambassador, and the Ferengi are giving us gyp again.

REPLICATOR: That's alright Picard mate, not to worry. Oh, I've got a bit of Lapsang souchong going, how about that?

PICARD: Alright. That would be nice, thank you.


Wonderful Butternut

Quote from: petrilTanaka on August 13, 2020, 11:37:34 AM
"oh jaysus", because Bashir is going through a bit of a GAA phase

He's annoyingly better at hurling than O'Brien cos of his genetically engineered bullshit. So O'Brien breaks his leg during a match on the holosuite.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

Quote from: Wonderful Butternut on August 13, 2020, 05:53:09 PM
He's annoyingly better at hurling than O'Brien cos of his genetically engineered bullshit. So O'Brien breaks his leg during a match on the holosuite.
Being from Dubalin O'Brien is better at football anyway


PlanktonSideburns

anyone ever notice that all the crockery in star trek looks likeit was bought at a barnardos is essex?

Glebe

PICARD: Why aren't you at your station, Number One?

RIKER: Sorry Captain, just nipped out for a 'chekky' pint, heh!

PICARD: What?

RIKER: Oh sorry sir, it's just a little in-joke me and the lads have. Whenever you pop to the ship canteen for a beaker of blue milk or whatever, you say, "I'm just nipping out for a 'chekky' pint!

PICARD: This is an outrage, Officer Riker. I won't have this kind of lackadaisical behaviour continue aboard my ship.

RIKER: I'm sorry Captain, it won't happen again.

PICARD: You're darned right it won't. William Riker, you are suspended from duty until further notice.

RIKER: What?! Oh come on, sir, it was only a few minu-

PICARD: - That's enough, Riker. Please leave the bridge.

RIKER: Yeah, fuck you, you balding prick. You probably have phimosis as well!

PICARD: NUMBER ONE!

Alberon

Scotty gets stuck in a Jeffries Tube again. He insists a Spatial Anomaly is making them all shrink, but McCoy thinks it's more likely the two dinners he has every evening is responsible.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

A crossover with Red Dwarf has the crew reacting with utter bafflement to the Dwarvers' antics (dialled up to 11 for WACKY HIJINKS). The end result is painful.

Glebe

PICARD: Engage.

WORF: Captain, if I can just bring up an issue... the various lights are constantly reflecting off your bald pate and making it hard to see the controls back here WELL SOMEBODY HAD TO SAY IT!

rack and peanut

 Bad guy from RoboCop makes Troi wear sensible clothes, the bastard

petril

Riker's hobby for this week is steering work conversations to the subject of piss to get Picard to say Number One

Glebe

PICARD: Well that's another species enlightened. Mr. La Forge... engage. Oh and by the way, Counselor Troi could you please start wearing the skirt from the early episodes again? Thanks pet.

Cloud

Picard and Dr Crusher finally get married but immediately find themselves cancelled as they had their wedding in the buff and were called out by Troi for cultural appropriation

Fambo Number Mive

Riker, Wesley Crusher and Ro Laren form a band (Laren on vocals and Crusher on guitar) which Picard refers to as "a band of wankers"

petril


Chollis

spin off series: Deep Space Guinan

rack and peanut

Riker doesn't understand why his trombone solo was met with laughter, until he notices his mouthpiece is smeared with lipstick.

petril

this weeks wind up was getting Quark to black up then go to Sisko's office. Bashir was pissing himself while diagnosing the specifics of the kicking