Other people SLAMMING the music you like

[The Mollusk]

Took my then boyfriend to see The Fall which resulted in the immortal line "If I wanted to see a drunk man yell at his wife I'd visit my parents more often".

Inspired by the above corker, what fucking glorious things have other people said about the music you like (or don't, whatever)? I often find the best takedowns about music are ones which I cannot dispute at all, despite being a fan myself. Fair enough mate, I will hold me hands up, you've got me dead to rights there.

I've been listening to krautrock for long enough now to not question the genre name at all. It's just an ingrained piece of musical vernacular. But I remember being pissed with a few pals a couple of years ago and someone was on about a specific type of music and wondered if there was a term for it. I said that what they were describing sounded "a lot like the kosmische end of krautrock" which, judging from their reaction, was the single most hilariously absurd string of words they'd ever heard. They outright refused to believe that either of those terms was real and that I was just taking the piss. I thought that was so delightful that I couldn't even really be bothered to try and enlighten them beyond showing them a quick flash of the wiki page. They were right to laugh, out of context it is funny.

The best one I've ever heard though was when I was about 16 and discovered black metal for the first time. I went round to my mate's house and I was playing him a Darkthrone track and his absolute weapon of a dad who hated my guts came in and said it sounded like "a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin". Fucking magnificent observation and totally spot on. Nice one, prick dad. I almost regret that time I accidentally smashed your heirloom glass lampshade with your son's wooden katana after that comment.

[sevendaughters]

as an embarrassing teen I got a cafe owner in Affleck's Palace to put on whatever post-hardcore shite I'd spent my savings on, only for him to jab it off and say "bloody monkeys with guitars". bang on, I love it. i love having my stuff dissed, it is very funny to me.

[Egyptian Feast]

My friend's mum walked in on him playing Chocolate Synthesiser by Boredoms and concluded that the band were playing an elaborate practical joke on people like him. "They're thinking about you listening to this and laughing their heads off about what an idiot you are and they'll probably record that and sell it to you next year" was the gist of it. In fairness, it was my CD and I would've totally bought the album she described.

When I was sharing a flat with my sister, she came back one night with a friend while I was listening to 'Kuntz' by Butthole Surfers and found it difficult to accept that music such as this existed and that people actually listened to it for pleasure. She was confused rather than dismissive, but it was funny how much it blew her mind, especially when I told her they had a song on the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack. 'Kuntz' is quite a lovely little tune, she could've walked in on much worse. I'd love to have seen her reaction to Boredoms.

My favourite recent reaction was my partner's youngest son walking in at the end of Scott Walker's 'Hand Me Ups', playing at terrifying volume. The song ends with Scott singing "I felt the nail driving into my foot, while I felt the nail driving into my hand". After a perfect pause he cheerfully said "Haven't heard this one before!" which cracked me up for some reason.

[Neomod]

I took my then girlfriend to see Belle and Sebastian at the Roundhouse. Her response at the end of the gig was that Stuart Murdoch was a bit creepy.

[His Name Is Death]

My boyfriend calling my beloved Bach "crap" in the middle of a church recital was a relief to me.

Most of the time, when people want to say they don't like Bach they feel they have to qualify it by saying "well, no doubt he's a master craftsman" and suchlike, so I love it when someone shamelessly calls him "shit" or "a fucking bore".

The amount of po-faced idolatry around him gets on my tits sometimes.

[Phil_A]

I took my then girlfriend to see Belle and Sebastian at the Roundhouse. Her response at the end of the gig was that Stuart Murdoch was a bit creepy.

I wouldn't disagree with her to be honest, and I'm a fan of a lot of B&S stuff. There's something unsettling about a man in his fifties[nb]Yes it's true, Stuart Murdoch is fifty-one![/nb] adopting the speech mannerisms of someone around thirty-years younger.

[gilbertharding]

Don't know if this counts, but the day I bought the album Earth 2 by Earth, my housemates asked my why I'd apparently spent an hour and a half hoovering my room.

[The Mollusk]

Don't know if this counts, but the day I bought the album Earth 2 by Earth, my housemates asked my why I'd apparently spent an hour and a half hoovering my room.

Haha that deffo counts

[Oz Oz Alice]

My uncle once described Big Black as sounding like "a watered down Pet Shop Boys". I have no idea what he meant.

[holyzombiejesus]

I wouldn't disagree with her to be honest, and I'm a fan of a lot of B&S stuff. There's something unsettling about a man in his fifties[nb]Yes it's true, Stuart Murdoch is fifty-one![/nb] adopting the speech mannerisms of someone around thirty-years younger.

I joined a B&S facebook page a while back and recently, whilst drunk, I made my sole post which stated that I thought Murdoch was creepy (and that Stevie's songs were rubbish and they shouldn't let people dance on stage). Their fans got so prickly. I used to love them so much but he definitely needs to rein in the pretty girls stuff.

Talking of which, when FYHC,YWLAP came out, we were playing it in the car with some friends and when A Nice Day For A Sulk came on, my friend Rebecca looked at me with such disdain and casually reached across and flicked my ear.

[PaulTMA]

It must have been early 1997 when I brought in a tape of B&S 2nd Mark Radcliffe session into school and had it played during art class, perhaps naive in the assumption that everyone would go completely insane with joy at that slow version of Seeing Other People with Isobel singing rather appallingly

[jobotic]

Belle & The Bollock as my friend once called them.

For listening to the Butthole Surfers on one occasion, and Eno on another I have been accused to of listening to things purely so that I appear to be interesting.

My favourite was my girlfriend of thirty years ago's mum asking, when we were listening to some hip-hop, "doesn't the trumpet player get bored playing the same two notes over and over?"

[Neomod]

I wouldn't disagree with her to be honest, and I'm a fan of a lot of B&S stuff. There's something unsettling about a man in his fifties[nb]Yes it's true, Stuart Murdoch is fifty-one![/nb] adopting the speech mannerisms of someone around thirty-years younger.

Ha ha, that's exactly what she said and to be honest I couldn't disagree when 'that moment' happened.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNbPeAdmRNM

The pre gig seafood platter at Marine Ices was nice though and I still enjoy B&S.

[jobotic]

I saw them in 1997 in Oxford. I don't remember this pretty girls being pulled out of the crowd thing but half the crowd seemed to be their mates down from Glasgow and it did feel a bit like we'd gatecrashed a party for the beautiful people. They came on very late too.

They were pretty bloody good though.

I bought a t-shirt with a bus on that was too tight even for the streak of piss I was then.

[ASFTSN]

I was playing him a Darkthrone track and his absolute weapon of a dad who hated my guts came in and said it sounded like "a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin"

Fucking hell that is superb.

[Brundle-Fly]

I was listening to Martin Newell's rather twee nostalgic song, 'My Old School' and my (at the time) GF came in the room and said, "Ugh, turn this shit off, he makes Colin Moulding sound like Biohazard!"

A friend on XTC "Bunch of carrott crunching smart arses"

A friend's opinion as I was playing The Residents Commercial Album in my car once more. "Oh god, it's Kermit the Frog and the fuckin' Smurfs again."

Another on the Cardiacs "Ooo, look at us, we're so ker-wayzee. I bet they run a T.I.E touring group in their spare time."

On Ween? "This is music for boys who ask you to pull their finger."

On Danielle Dax, a mate's rather green-eyed girlfriend. "Oh, that worthless blond goth bitch."

[Famous Mortimer]

I was looking after my nieces one afternoon, and we were playing stuff on Youtube. They picked several, I picked one, that sort of thing. Sadly, I don't remember the song I put on, but the response from a child "is this music?" stuck with me.

[Oz Oz Alice]

Another few from my uncle: Around Christmas me, him and my dad were putting things on YouTube and I picked Death of Samantha by Yoko Ono. Me and my dad have very similar tastes and I grew up flooded with cool things being played by both my parents. We were having a nice sentimental chat about how grateful I am for this fact when my uncle interjected "I fail to see how anyone could like this but not Elvis Costello!". Elvis Costello had not been mentioned.

On another occasion he came around to visit me; as I was making him a cup of coffee, I noticed him picking up a copy of a Psychic TV album, chuckling and saying "I don't know where you find the time.".

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I was looking after my nieces one afternoon, and we were playing stuff on Youtube. They picked several, I picked one, that sort of thing. Sadly, I don't remember the song I put on, but the response from a child "is this music?" stuck with me.

Was it an early Teenage Fanclub track? Maybe your niece was a real hip indie child, and was triumphantly naming the song. I hope you didn't give too much of a shamefaced reaction, for that could have crushed the girl's burgeoning indiespirit. Who knows, your niece could grow up to be the next Caitlin Moran ( except without the fucking gurning when a camera gets put in front of her , and the looking like Damon Albarn in drag, and the massive ego and the just being annoying in general, hopefully).

[Jerzy Bondov]

The best one I've ever heard though was when I was about 16 and discovered black metal for the first time. I went round to my mate's house and I was playing him a Darkthrone track and his absolute weapon of a dad who hated my guts came in and said it sounded like "a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin". Fucking magnificent observation and totally spot on. Nice one, prick dad. I almost regret that time I accidentally smashed your heirloom glass lampshade with your son's wooden katana after that comment.

I wouldn't give him too much credit, even though it's really funny. It's a reasonably obscure phrase but not original. The first time I saw it was in Tim Moore's book You are Awful (But I Like You), published in 2012. I had to put the book down because it was making me laugh so much, and it kept setting me off when I thought about it. I was so excited to tell my friend about it and he just looked at me blankly and said, 'Have you never heard that one before?'

The oldest mention I can find on Google is from 2006, but it's someone quoting their sister's friend and there's no indication of when they heard it. Generally it seems to be used to describe broken engines. Might be an old mechanic joke or something. Maybe your mate's prick dad made it up. But I doubt it.

[Hooverbag Sherlocks]

My five-year-old niece dismissed Napalm Death as 'poo-poo zombies'. 

[FredNurke]

I wouldn't give him too much credit, even though it's really funny. It's a reasonably obscure phrase but not original. The first time I saw it was in Tim Moore's book You are Awful (But I Like You), published in 2012. I had to put the book down because it was making me laugh so much, and it kept setting me off when I thought about it. I was so excited to tell my friend about it and he just looked at me blankly and said, 'Have you never heard that one before?'

The oldest mention I can find on Google is from 2006, but it's someone quoting their sister's friend and there's no indication of when they heard it. Generally it seems to be used to describe broken engines. Might be an old mechanic joke or something. Maybe your mate's prick dad made it up. But I doubt it.

August 1998 on Usenet.

[Egyptian Feast]

My five-year-old niece dismissed Napalm Death as 'poo-poo zombies'.

That's beautiful.

[Phil_A]

I joined a B&S facebook page a while back and recently, whilst drunk, I made my sole post which stated that I thought Murdoch was creepy (and that Stevie's songs were rubbish and they shouldn't let people dance on stage). Their fans got so prickly. I used to love them so much but he definitely needs to rein in the pretty girls stuff.

I was at the If You're Feeling Sinister anniversary show at the Royal Albert Hall, they were fine I guess, but Murdoch's cringey stage patter (he's basically turned into a real life version of Limmy's vlogger character), and the aforementioned "getting audience members on stage" stuff was embarrassing. It all got very panto during The Boy With The Arab Strap, as the video evidence demonstrates:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kT613FAsGk

I guess it's the problem of bands just going on too long, in a way I wish they'd never had mainstream success and remained a tiny cult band that broke up after a few albums, kept the mystique intact.

[BlodwynPig]

I was looking after my nieces one afternoon, and we were playing stuff on Youtube. They picked several, I picked one, that sort of thing. Sadly, I don't remember the song I put on, but the response from a child "is this music?" stuck with me.

I thought they would have been more receptive to The Beatles, unless they were > 10 years at the time

[Pauline Walnuts]

I wouldn't give him too much credit, even though it's really funny. It's a reasonably obscure phrase but not original. The first time I saw it was in Tim Moore's book You are Awful (But I Like You), published in 2012. I had to put the book down because it was making me laugh so much, and it kept setting me off when I thought about it. I was so excited to tell my friend about it and he just looked at me blankly and said, 'Have you never heard that one before?'

The oldest mention I can find on Google is from 2006, but it's someone quoting their sister's friend and there's no indication of when they heard it. Generally it seems to be used to describe broken engines. Might be an old mechanic joke or something. Maybe your mate's prick dad made it up. But I doubt it.

"The sound of a harpsichord – two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. "


― Sir Thomas Beecham

[boki]

A friend's opinion as I was playing The Residents Commercial Album in my car once more. "Oh god, it's Kermit the Frog and the fuckin' Smurfs again."

on that note...

[Bazooka]

Other than my one mate at uni who had broad tastes, I've never even bothered to try and expose other people(minus girlfriends) to the music I like, I know the person well enough for it to be a collosal waste of time.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

I remember a mate telling a Jamiroquai fan we worked with "He's got some fucking nice hats at least" after he asked him his opinion when one of their songs came on the radio. Damned with the faintest of praise, his hats made him look like a tool as well.

[Chriddof]

Another on the Cardiacs "Ooo, look at us, we're so ker-wayzee. I bet they run a T.I.E touring group in their spare time."

- Johnny Cigarettes, NME

On Danielle Dax, a mate's rather green-eyed girlfriend. "Oh, that worthless blond goth bitch."

Now, I wholeheartedly agree with this one.

The thing that does strike me when this sort of thing happens (and is referred to by multiple posters here), is the determined belief people have that you can't just genuinely like whatever weird music it is, and you must be faking your enthusiasm, or the artists are pulling a prank, etc.