Author Topic: Holiday Cunts  (Read 4457 times)

Holiday Cunts
« on: August 14, 2020, 10:37:00 PM »
Too bad.

Rizla

  • That's not another knife - THIS is another knife!
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2020, 10:39:34 PM »
Lindsay Buckingham considers rewrite

Butchers Blind

  • I don't want the undertaker stealing my sins
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2020, 10:50:24 PM »
I will not be sharing my holiday sexual exploits for the gratification of the OP.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2020, 11:01:06 PM »
My brother-in-law’s family are on holiday in France. Both adults are permanently working from home from now on whatever happens with the virus and they specifically planned to come back just over two weeks before my nephew goes back to school. In short - they don’t give a fuck.

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2020, 11:04:03 PM »
Let's hope everyone on holiday makes it through OK! 😂😂😂

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2020, 08:54:17 AM »
especially on those jam packed ferries

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #6 on: August 15, 2020, 09:06:44 AM »
I simply don't understand why my friend purchased non-refundable ferry tickets to Rotterdam in September for a fraternal weekend away when all of Europe's infection charts are pointing upwards again. May as well have just made a cash withdrawal and kicked the notes down a fucking well.


Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2020, 09:32:14 AM »
So if you come home and dont into self-isolation: what? Do you go to prison???

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #8 on: August 15, 2020, 09:34:51 AM »
So if you come home and dont into self-isolation: what? Do you go to prison???

10,000 pound fine

bomb_dog

  • Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #9 on: August 15, 2020, 09:40:00 AM »
(Mobile phone rings)
“Good afternoon Mr...John Smith... are you at home?”
“Yes”
“Thank you”
(Click)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Silver Member
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  • Mr Moose is up! It's done done done!
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #10 on: August 15, 2020, 09:43:36 AM »
(Mobile phone rings)
“Good afternoon Mr...John Smith... are you at home?”

*carnival noise*

“Yes”
“Thank you”
(Click)

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #11 on: August 15, 2020, 09:55:40 AM »
(no phone rings)
*Good afternoon Mr...John Smith... are you at home?*
“Yes, Mr...John Smith.”
*Thank you, Mr...John Smith.*
(no click)
...
*fancy loads of pints, Mr...John Smith?*
"Don't mind if I do! Mr...John Smith!"
*LGP lol*

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #12 on: August 15, 2020, 11:07:28 AM »
10,000 pound fine
they say that about dog eggs but never happens

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #13 on: August 15, 2020, 11:39:51 AM »
So if you come home and dont into self-isolation: what? Do you go to prison???

What are the rules on other household members, i.e. if one person in your household goes to a country where you need to isolate on return to the UK, does everyone else need to isolate too?

My flatmate is potentially planning to go to her native Brazil in a few weeks, so aside from the fact that I'm probs DEAD SOON it would be useful to know whether I'll need to sequester myself as well (I can work from home, so that's not a problem, but not being able to even go out for a walk for two weeks would be pretty fucking miserable for me at the moment). Can't find really any information online though.

Better start working on my ATHLETE'S BODY in the meantime

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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  • Mr Moose is up! It's done done done!
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #14 on: August 15, 2020, 12:03:14 PM »
Quote
What are the rules on other household members, i.e. if one person in your household goes to a country where you need to isolate on return to the UK, does everyone else need to isolate too?

I believe so.

Sin Agog

  • Dogs fucked the pope; no fault of mine
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #15 on: August 15, 2020, 12:06:31 PM »
What are the rules on other household members, i.e. if one person in your household goes to a country where you need to isolate on return to the UK, does everyone else need to isolate too?

My flatmate is potentially planning to go to her native Brazil in a few weeks, so aside from the fact that I'm probs DEAD SOON it would be useful to know whether I'll need to sequester myself as well (I can work from home, so that's not a problem, but not being able to even go out for a walk for two weeks would be pretty fucking miserable for me at the moment). Can't find really any information online though.

Better start working on my ATHLETE'S BODY in the meantime

You might be alright so long as you and your flatmate refrain from giving each other Nuru massages for a few days after she comes back.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2020, 12:33:55 PM »
Quote
The technique requires one or more Nuru masseuses to rub their body against the client's body when both parties are nude and covered with   

PHWOAAR


Quote
an odorless and colorless massage lotion.       

Stinking purple goo or GTFO

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

  • Well ...enjoy your lifetime supply of virginity!
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2020, 02:49:25 PM »
The young, ambitious, radio airplay- seeking Madonna judiciously decides to edit song title.

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2020, 03:13:13 PM »
Original version of Hi-De-Hi theme considered 'too risque'

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

  • Well ...enjoy your lifetime supply of virginity!
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2020, 03:46:35 PM »
An affronted Cliff Michelmore angrily demands more family friendly retitling of the programme he'll be presenting.

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #20 on: August 15, 2020, 06:52:24 PM »
It would be hilarious if all these people are rushing back from France needlessly because they could easily have just got back later and lied about going into isolation. Presumably the government will have snoop squads to prevent that, like TV detector vans but called 'Death Virus Vehicles' instead?

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #21 on: August 15, 2020, 07:03:52 PM »
We're all going on a summer holiday
Then in isolation for a week or two
Fun and laughter on a summer holiday
Then stuck in fucking airport queue
For a day or two

We're going where the virus spreads highly
We're going where faces turn blue
We've seen it in the dailies
Now our deaths are due

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #22 on: August 15, 2020, 08:55:10 PM »
got myself a coughin', eatin', wastin', septic

viral load

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #23 on: August 15, 2020, 09:08:20 PM »
Carrie doesn't live her anymore
She's on a ventilator on the second floor.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #24 on: August 15, 2020, 09:36:35 PM »
It’s just a devil virus
With covid in your lungs
Beware the devil virus
It’s gonna get you



Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #25 on: August 15, 2020, 11:14:14 PM »

AllisonSays

  • disappointed bridge
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #26 on: August 16, 2020, 07:24:33 AM »
I've just got back from France and am, supposedly, in two weeks of quarantine from today along with my partner. I knew it was a possibility and I'm happy enough to do it for the sake of the social contract. I can work from home anyway. Also I bought a PlayStation. That being said, it seems to me to be completely and deliberately unenforceable, and really just a wee bit of political theatre designed to give the impression of considered and responsive action. I might occasionally get up early and go for a swim in the sea (100 yards from my house).

Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #27 on: August 16, 2020, 07:50:28 AM »
Way to infect the water supply.

Great work with the PS4.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #28 on: August 16, 2020, 10:04:52 AM »
I've just got back from France and am, supposedly, in two weeks of quarantine from today along with my partner. I knew it was a possibility and I'm happy enough to do it for the sake of the social contract. I can work from home anyway. Also I bought a PlayStation. That being said, it seems to me to be completely and deliberately unenforceable, and really just a wee bit of political theatre designed to give the impression of considered and responsive action. I might occasionally get up early and go for a swim in the sea (100 yards from my house).

No consequences for you. All good.

AllisonSays

  • disappointed bridge
Re: Holiday Cunts
« Reply #29 on: August 16, 2020, 11:53:00 AM »
How's the view up there on Parnassus mate? (I think I mean Olympus, actually. Shit.)

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