Going back to China

[Chedney Honks]

I made a number of changes in my life towards the end of last year and started doing some volunteering outside of work which I'd never done before. I found that in some ways I was a quite different person to what I'd thought, and after forty years of being told that I'm 'smart', it was really good to work with people who didn't give a shit and who treated me like I was on the YTS. It was also just good to do what I was asked and not have to think about anything else and know that I was part of something helpful, even if just a pretty unimportant part.

I took a break from this place not long after because I didn't feel like goofing off after working with people who need actual help and it also clicked that even if I assume we're pretty much all on a similar page here, and happy to take the piss out of each other, that's actually not always necessarily healthy or even true. To be honest, after this long, I don't know how else to be on here really. Castro made a great post a year or so ago which stuck with me about how I always posted like I was satirising something but the target was never clear. I don't know why but after taking this as a compliment all this time, the penny dropped and I realised how little of substance I contributed. It's like going back to your hometown for a quiet pint and you always end up getting hammered, sniffing glue and setting fire to a massive pile of polystyrene because you're both too comfortable and no longer sure how to deal with it. Anyway, I just started to regret posting when I slipped into that mode. It's no criticism of anyone else or anything but my own habits, and so I stopped posting.

I had a really good couple of months, to be honest. I won't get too much into it but I felt happy, anyway. I did some little projects which I was really pleased with, and which built my confidence and belief that I wanted to do more. I started setting up some bigger plans and I got in touch with an old mate from China who runs a charity school in Vietnam. He lives pretty modestly and I guess he's been lucky not to have fallen ill but he's never been happier. Anyway, we started making some plans in China with a few other old mates and contacts who've settled down now and it felt like I had some project/work I really wanted to do for the first time since...well, since I was in China. And then Covid started rumbling...and it all fizzled out.

I don't know why, ehh, I do. I started posting on here again because I'm attached to the place and the people, basically. I went about it in a weird erratic hectoring way, though. I was pretty worried and gutted about a couple of mates in Hubei losing parents, family and friends and it seemed to be building rapidly and I was exasperated by people here shrugging and stuff. To be honest, selfishly, I was also losing my shit because my plans were crumbling and the time and energy I'd put into something I really wanted to do were for nothing. Anyway, I wish I'd been a bit more chilled about Covid stuff on here because I ultimately didn't help as I intended to, and I slipped into old habits pretty quickly. A few months down the road I was back in the well-worn groove, being an obtuse clown and I'm past tired of that.

This morning I got an email from my Vietnam mate that he's heard things can start moving again in China and one of my best mates in Germany is moving back there with his wife and he wants to get involved, and I can't tell you how happy I felt. It's like the first time I've looked forward to anything in months. I literally started crying and laughing. I don't know exactly what the time frame will be but I feel like I have a focus again and I can see a future. Stuff is quite restricted over here still but I'm going to start volunteering again and use my time and whatever ability I have to make a contribution. I've spent too much time trying to play king of the smart arses and I've probably only got twenty years left if I'm lucky (Manifesto 62, ©BlodwynPig). One way or another I'm going back to China and honestly, deep down, if not for my wife, I'd never have felt at home again in this country. Without her, I'd be gone in a second so I'm ecstatic that she's open to it, as well. I don't know where I'll end up exactly but I feel like I've long exhausted anything I can contribute on here. I won't single anyone out because they already know. You've brought me a lot of proper belly laughs and tears on here, and I'll still read because it's the funniest and most interesting part of the Internet, but I've made my last post and it's in the most appropriate place. I wish everyone here the very best.

Xia ci jian.

X

[Bazooka]

Is this Art?

[Small Man Big Horse]

I enjoyed reading your twentieth goodbye post, and look forward to the twenty first.

[Ferris]

6/10 for the flounce. The idea was good, but the execution was overlong.

[Cuellar]

I'm going going, back back, to China China

[Captain Z]

Looking forward to your new username in two weeks time.

[BlodwynPig]

Good bye and good luck, friend.

[Annie Labuntur]

Chedney flouncing bothers CaB not (3,6,4)

[popcorn]

[Ferris]

Chedney flouncing bothers CaB not (3,6,4)

Massachusetts crustacean is the definite article! [3,6,4]

[Neomod]

Bangles rethink early single title.

[ASFTSN]

Forums always seem to have one massive racist and then one of these.

[BlodwynPig]

Massachusetts crustacean is the definite article! [3,6,4]

Motorcyclist goes around and around. Geordie goes at the end. [18]

[wosl]

I enjoyed reading your twentieth goodbye post, and look forward to the twenty first.

Final goodbyes must be so nice to do, it would be a shame to be restricted to one.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Watch out for machete wielding Chinese people

Cheers

[BlodwynPig]

Can't believe he's gone. This place is empty now.

[Bazooka]

China isn't big enough for two of us CaB Ghouls.

[imitationleather]

I hope for your sake you're not really a Muslim then!

<laugh cry emoji><laugh cry emoji><laugh cry emoji>

[rue the polywhirl]

Good luck in the RRRRC (Real Recognise Real's Republic of China).

[Blinder Data]

Feel like pure shit just want TBC back x

[madhair60]

Animal Collective are unlistenable

[Bazooka]

Animal Collective are unlistenable

Barry there is a problem with the forum source code, madhair tried to type "Animal Collective are the most innovative band in existence, and beyond my intellectual capacity" but it came out all gibberish, if you can look into it please, don't want people to think he is wrong about games and music.

[Pinball]

Will post again soon,
VPN cloak around.
Hope the CCP
Don't kick the door down.

[Famous Mortimer]

Let me see if I can draw out his socko:

those bullet hell games fucken suck

[Cuellar]

England cricket second only to India, in my opinion. Two teams at their absolute pinnacle, full of dynamic, energetic players oozing with talent and desire for sexual partners above the age of consent.

[Ferris]

I think a gaming pub is a great business idea and have already discussed the purchase of a local deconsecrated church - anyone have any tips on CRT monitors I should purchase?

[popcorn]

I wish we could send Ferris back to China.

[Ferris]

I wish we could send Ferris back to China.

I even used the word "purchase" twice in the same sentence. Sending to China's too good for 'em me.

[Smeraldina Rima]

Embarrassing bump to say goodbye. Erm, show China what you're made of. x

[Astronaut Omens]

Tao was always nameless.
When for the first time it was made to act, it was named.
Inasmuch as names are given, one should also know where to stop.
Knowing where to stop one can become imperishable.
x
Ps What can I give him, poor as I am?