Inconsistent Ivan!

[Glebe]

"I really think they should bring back hanging. Like, for the worst crimes."

"But Ivan, yesterday you told me that the death penalty was a bad thing because innocent people were sometimes executed!"

"Oh yeah, so I did! Thanks for pointing that out, 'Correcting' Keith, I'll try and be more 'consistent' in my views in future!"

"Not likely Ivan - I'm sure there'll be many 'inconsistent' chuckles ahead! Chuckle!"

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Ivan is holding court again in his local
" What about that lass who plays that glamorous assassin in that television series , something about Killing that sour- faced  Korean looking woman, eh? I really don't know what people see in her. Half the time she looks like that Susan Tully what used to be on " Eastenders" with a bit more slap on, and all those different outfits and different accents, especially the Posho Home Counties accent which she likes doing ( you can tell) , along with all that fucking gurning are all just a smokescreen to cover up for what a distinctly mediocre, if not downright rubbish , actress she is."
" well said, Ivan" says Suck -Up Simon.
Correcting Keith steps up again.
" Hold on, Ivan ...wasn't it only yesterday that you said the young lady who plays the glam assassin was one of the most beautiful women in the entire world, her eyebrows alone showing more pulchritude than all the frankly overrated and tarty looking supermodels in the land put together, along with being one of the most versatile and entertaining actresses you've ever seen, and that she was robbed of a Bafta this year just because Glenda Jackson's about 100 years old, and the Bafta folk felt obliged to give her the award just as tribute to her still being alive, for playing a doddery old Mrs. Brady type, hardly a stretch for her nowadays, and she even just used her own accent, the one she's used in everything she's ever acted in? You were quite animated about it all, I seem to remember."
" Oh.... Yeah." is all a sheepish Ivan can muster.

[idunnosomename]

YESTERDAY

Inconsistent Ivan: Beastiality is always wrong because no animal is capable of consent.

TODAY

Inconsistent Ivan: This isn't what it looks like

[Glebe]

"I'll tell you what, this bloody pandemic is a farce. It's all a made-up conspiracy by the government."

"But Ivan, you spend a full hour ranting against 'super spreaders' yesterday!"

"Oh yes, so I did, silly me! Inconsistent!"

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

" The Goodies! Absolute comedy classic! They just don't make 'em like that anymore!"
" You said it was a load of old shit yesterday."
* with accompanying weary sigh*
" Yes, I know I fucking did."

[Glebe]

"Johnson is the worst PM in history. Oh wait yesterday I said he was a national treasure. Fuck me I'm really living up to me name of late."

[Mr Farenheit]

'CORRECTING' KEITH: Ivan, for heavens sake! There are only three items of sanitaryware in this room, can't you try and remember which is which and use the same one each and every time for its intended purpose?! My grandmother is 83 years old and she can manage it! Really Ivan, is a little bathroom CONSISTENCY too much to ask??!

IVAN: What are you doing in my bathroom?

KEITH'S GRANDMOTHER: What are you doing in my bathroom? (plop)

KEITH: You're not my grandmother

KEITH'S GRANDMOTHER: I'm your conscience

KEITH: Fuck is going on?

IVAN: Let's get out of here

KEITH: There's no doors

IVAN: There's no walls either fucknuts

SHOP MANAGER: Hoi, you lot! Get out of my Curry's

IVAN: Keith, it wasn't sanitaryware it was a DVD player, I think YOU need some correcting this week Keith! haha right readers?

KEITH: You still took a dump in it didn't you- that's a first even for you. And NOT what I call consistent, Ivan!

IVAN: I'm against captial punishment

MEMBER OF IVAN'S NONCE-HUNTER GANG: Wait, whaaaaaat????

KEITH, KEITH'S GRANDMOTHER & SHOP MANAGER: Oh, Ivan!!!

[the midnight watch baboon]

Oh, Ivan!