Author Topic: oh fuck no  (Read 6190 times)

BlodwynPig

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oh fuck no
« on: September 01, 2020, 02:29:18 PM »
I'm fucked. I got an invitation a few days ago to a workshop on the Covid stuff I'm supposed to be seconded to with the government. Just now I got a phone call telling me its a meeting with Dom Cummings' team - the head guy in data/modelling will be there. It seems I've been dropped in it to defend the academic position and this guy is "very aggressive, so watch out".

What the fuck! I knew government move fast, but I've hardly had time to work on this - well none - and I'm just recovering from food poisoning.

I'm dead. fucked. Career over.

Get the pyre ready.

Puce Moment

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2020, 02:30:38 PM »
The first time you refuse a Government consultation is scary. The second time it is just a wonderful feeling.

BlodwynPig

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2020, 02:33:06 PM »
I'm at the bottom here. The bottom.

BlodwynPig

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2020, 02:37:18 PM »
Its the guy who ran the vote leave computer model, ffs.

they surely know I'm typing this by now and will destroy me.

Mr_Simnock

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2020, 02:38:44 PM »
Could you spell out a little, if you can, about why you are fucked, the CaB hive mind may be able to help

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2020, 02:42:59 PM »
Legend dom is a possible cabber of course

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2020, 02:43:06 PM »

BlodwynPig

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2020, 02:46:25 PM »
Could you spell out a little, if you can, about why you are fucked, the CaB hive mind may be able to help

I've not been working on this topic at all - we proposed an idea that I did some work on a few months ago, didn't get funded, government were contacted, seemed interested, hijacked us a bit and enveloped us into a new task group that have different but aligned objectives. Now they are putting me up in front of the big beast like I'm some world expert on the topic! JEZ FROM PEEP SHOW FUCKED without the ego. Or mark from peep show as posted above

Mr_Simnock

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #8 on: September 01, 2020, 02:49:03 PM »
ha ha ah, very interesting you have been chosen, sounds like arse covering of a major kind going on here, very cowardly people have put you in the firing line. Im just thinking if we could somehow find an angle for you to work on in covering what has actually happened and what was expected so you don't come across like you have been dumped in it. Just all sounds very dodgy.

Paul Calf

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #9 on: September 01, 2020, 02:49:18 PM »
Triple-fried fucked.

Climb out of the window. Fake a brain tumour.

Cerys

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #10 on: September 01, 2020, 02:49:56 PM »
Have you considered going to the meeting and gouting unpleasantness from both ends as soon as they call upon you to say anything?

Thomas

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2020, 02:52:52 PM »
Cough a lot and excuse yourself.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #12 on: September 01, 2020, 02:55:07 PM »
Cough a lot and soil yourself.

Mr_Simnock

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2020, 02:56:23 PM »
I've not been working on this topic at all - we proposed an idea that I did some work on a few months ago, didn't get funded, government were contacted, seemed interested, hijacked us a bit and enveloped us into a new task group that have different but aligned objectives. Now they are putting me up in front of the big beast like I'm some world expert on the topic! JEZ FROM PEEP SHOW FUCKED without the ego. Or mark from peep show as posted above

So the top and bottom of it is someone thinks you have worked on something you didn't get any funding for? But now thinks you are ready with the outcome?

Buelligan

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2020, 02:58:47 PM »
My advice is to remain calm.  Act inscrutable.  If called upon to utter, say something complex and impenetrable, then look the Head Cunt in the eye and give them a micro-acknowledgment.  If asked for an opinion, reiterate both sides or all paths and remind people how incredibly complex and yet, simple, it all is.  Dress like a geek.  All of this should be child's play to you dear Blods.  If you feel anxious at any point, remind yourself, they're employing Dido Ffucking-Harding to run public health now at huge expense, they're clearly not interested in answers or results. 

The Hivemind is with you, never forget that.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2020, 03:02:21 PM »
Looks like you're facing quite the moral dilemma. You could either suck up to them royally and become one of the most powerful and influential people in the country - fucking over the masses in the process, of course, but behind a comforting wall of anonymity - or you could tell them exactly why you think they're a bunch of callous, unprincipled cunts, and become a CaB legend.

As recent years in politics have demonstrated, there's no middle way.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #16 on: September 01, 2020, 03:02:52 PM »
You Clearly have some of background knowledge and knowledge of what they will ask you. The rest you can blag with a bit of confidence and calm. Good luck.

You can do it.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2020, 03:05:02 PM »
The world will always need [insert job society perceives as lowly].

BlodwynPig

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #18 on: September 01, 2020, 03:07:58 PM »
My advice is to remain calm.  Act inscrutable.  If called upon to utter, say something complex and impenetrable, then look the Head Cunt in the eye and give them a micro-acknowledgment.  If asked for an opinion, reiterate both sides or all paths and remind people how incredibly complex and yet, simple, it all is.  Dress like a geek.  All of this should be child's play to you dear Blods.  If you feel anxious at any point, remind yourself, they're employing Dido Ffucking-Harding to run public health now at huge expense, they're clearly not interested in answers or results. 

The Hivemind is with you, never forget that.

The reason I'm a sack of nerves is because I went through this with GSK on a monthly basis, being dominated and crushed by an alpha prick. I got out of that project and vowed never to return. It's not my nature. Now, I've been handed the Platinum level version of that. Dreaming of Cummings tonight aren't I.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #19 on: September 01, 2020, 03:08:15 PM »
You'll be absolutely fine.

You've got something they want. They want to know which department to put it in. This is part of a sordid beauty pageant but DC gets first dibs on the contestants. I've seen it before, if you explain what you've done and be very clear on what you haven't done then you wil have no problem.

At this point I would like to point out that i had a wank in one of the Cabinet Office toilets - not that it's a very sexy environment (it's not), just that I thought i'd never get the chance again.

BlodwynPig

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #20 on: September 01, 2020, 03:10:58 PM »
You Clearly have some of background knowledge and knowledge of what they will ask you. The rest you can blag with a bit of confidence and calm. Good luck.

You can do it.

As my boss told me, you are probably the most wanted man in Britain right now. The issue is, I've not been working on this - there is no bite, not plan, just hunches. The tragedy of the commons. I can see what needs doing but its being sandblasted by other superbrains who are working on this with their own loud voices and egos. I'm a senior post-doc amongst professors, a minnow amongst invasive pike.

Mr_Simnock

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #21 on: September 01, 2020, 03:12:07 PM »
You'll be absolutely fine.

You've got something they want. They want to know which department to put it in. This is part of a sordid beauty pageant but DC gets first dibs on the contestants. I've seen it before, if you explain what you've done and be very clear on what you haven't done then you wil have no problem.

At this point I would like to point out that i had a wank in one of the Cabinet Office toilets - not that it's a very sexy environment (it's not), just that I thought i'd never get the chance again.

I can't imaagine the fantasy needed to be dredged up to get in the mood in an environment like that,  PLEASE TELL ALL

Buelligan

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #22 on: September 01, 2020, 03:12:49 PM »
The reason I'm a sack of nerves is because I went through this with GSK on a monthly basis, being dominated and crushed by an alpha prick. I got out of that project and vowed never to return. It's not my nature. Now, I've been handed the Platinum level version of that. Dreaming of Cummings tonight aren't I.

Yeah, I was going to say, I once was forced to sit on committees and now am free to clean peoples' bogs.  Even if you fail, they can't crucify you.  Well, not literally.

None of it matters, old hog, its all a dream in the imagination of our hearts.  Be your beautiful self and don't give a fig for some twat trying to dominate you.  No one can dominate unless you allow them to.

These alpha-wankers are just lost little kids trying to look as if they know where they're going.  If they knew that, they wouldn't need to ask you.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #23 on: September 01, 2020, 03:13:01 PM »
there is no bite, not plan, just hunches. The tragedy of the commons. I can see what needs doing but its being sandblasted by other superbrains who are working on this with their own loud voices and egos

Mate, this is exactly how the government's strategy is being developed.

QDRPHNC

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #24 on: September 01, 2020, 03:21:27 PM »
You know, one time I had to make a promo video that would going to be watched at a big ceremony by like 2000 holocaust survivors - basically, the last people you want to disappoint. I had no idea how to make a video, at all. But I got to work on Monday morning, slept briefly Wednesday night, was woken by my mad wife screaming about dishes or something, went back to work all the way through to Friday evening. Then, broken, sick, fat, I presented the video to the team, who thought it was shit. Then this video production company went and whipped something up in an afternoon.

Aside from that, I think you might be overestimating how competent other people are.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #25 on: September 01, 2020, 03:21:53 PM »
As my boss told me, you are probably the most wanted man in Britain right now. The issue is, I've not been working on this - there is no bite, not plan, just hunches. The tragedy of the commons. I can see what needs doing but its being sandblasted by other superbrains who are working on this with their own loud voices and egos. I'm a senior post-doc amongst professors, a minnow amongst invasive pike.

I’m a Bonefide chancer and blagger and have fronted my way in and out of some insane situations very much like yours, and in front of terrifying people with fearsome reps. If I can do it, you who hold the cards and some proper gen and a good brain, will be fine.

You hold the cards and is seems to me underplaying yourself.  Be as honest as you can, Be clear, enjoy it even, you will be fine.  Everyone is winging it to a certain extent, even them.

You’ll be fine, but if it did go tits up you’ll at least have a story to tell.

Is there anyone you can do a run through with before you go in for real?

monkfromhavana

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #26 on: September 01, 2020, 03:24:38 PM »
You'll be wheeled out as part of the daily briefing in a few weeks, speaking to the nation.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #27 on: September 01, 2020, 03:26:28 PM »
I've talked with my boss who said pretty much the same, and the other Prof (kind of rival of my boss) will be attending and seems nervous too. There will be one more guy on the project of this other Prof but I've only just met him in a zoom meet last week. It's not like I can do any prep either as there are only unknowns. It will all be reaction.

BlodwynPig

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #28 on: September 01, 2020, 03:27:13 PM »
You'll be wheeled out as part of the daily briefing in a few weeks, speaking to the nation.

HA! Imagine that. Or spread across the front pages "Boris FIRES unemployed bald man for causing 2nd SPIKE...WE REVEAL HIS NAME AND ADDRESS"

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #29 on: September 01, 2020, 03:27:29 PM »
Why the fuck are you people nervous of this cunt? He's not better than you in any way.

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