oh fuck no

[bgmnts]

I'm imagining super speed or the ability to communicate with cheese.

[Cerys]

Does that mean holding a conversation with a chunk of Brie, or performing semaphore using slices of Emmenthal?  I think we should be told.

[monkfromhavana]

Does that mean holding a conversation with a chunk of Brie, or performing semaphore using slices of Emmenthal?  I think we should be told.

You could also carve out letters out of any block of non-crumbly cheese and communicate.

[Cerys]

Gouda point.

[BlodwynPig]

Blodwyn has special abilities???

New pork markets

[BlodwynPig]

Brilliant stuff.  Because, of course, during a pandemic the last fucking thing on earth you must do is to work to make it less horrific if you're asked because you have rare knowledge, special abilities and a marvelous pig head on your hoggish shoulders.  Why are you such a cunt btw, DM?

thanks, although I hadn't taken DM's post as nasty or hateful. Just an acerbic jest. If you really despise me DM, please let it be known so I can ignore you ;)

[Zetetic]

Have you started reading Nick Land?

[BlodwynPig]

Have you started reading Nick Land?

Is that Government 101? Fuck accelerationism.

I have to do the DBS Check "Oh it'll just be 25 quid, pretty straightforward", 84 quid and a fucking hassle to get someone to sign my documents while in isolation.

[Shit Good Nose]

I have to do the DBS Check "Oh it'll just be 25 quid, pretty straightforward", 84 quid and a fucking hassle to get someone to sign my documents while in isolation.

And all that confirms is that you haven't been caught yet...

[BlodwynPig]

Getting a bit nervy now. Had a phone chat with a organisation who will help me become a contractor for the first 2 weeks before I get the fixed term contract. Apparently I need to be registered under an Umbrella company which will cost 100 quid. Fine, whatever (I get the money back added to my day rate). But what is throwing me is how chummy everyone is. He kept on repeating "you're a good man, a good man". Couple that with the DHSC HR guy saying "fuck the University, we want you"...I feel like I'm in an alternative reality and want to go back to the good old days of slumming it in obscurity.

[Shit Good Nose]

Getting a bit nervy now. Had a phone chat with a organisation who will help me become a contractor for the first 2 weeks before I get the fixed term contract. Apparently I need to be registered under an Umbrella company which will cost 100 quid. Fine, whatever (I get the money back added to my day rate). But what is throwing me is how chummy everyone is. He kept on repeating "you're a good man, a good man". Couple that with the DHSC HR guy saying "fuck the University, we want you"...I feel like I'm in an alternative reality and want to go back to the good old days of slumming it in obscurity.

So when will you be doing the daily briefing on BBC1?

[BlodwynPig]

So when will you be doing the daily briefing on BBC1?

You can imagine it. Just at the edge of the door that they enter through you see someone offloading a sweating pig like man from a wheeled trolley and prodded with something resembling a cattle prod. He enters, stumbling and gaunt, flopping over the lectern. His first words are just mumbles as he struggles to focus on the camera, his notes fall the floor and a pale yellow liquid pools on the floor.

A journalist pipes up "Prime Minister, Mr. Johnson? Are you ok?"

In the other room you notice the director of the Minotaur franchise lighting a big fat cigar.

[Dr Trouser]

Getting a bit nervy now. Had a phone chat with a organisation who will help me become a contractor for the first 2 weeks before I get the fixed term contract. Apparently I need to be registered under an Umbrella company which will cost 100 quid. Fine, whatever (I get the money back added to my day rate). But what is throwing me is how chummy everyone is. He kept on repeating "you're a good man, a good man". Couple that with the DHSC HR guy saying "fuck the University, we want you"...I feel like I'm in an alternative reality and want to go back to the good old days of slumming it in obscurity.

Gov aren't allowed to pay umbrella companies because of IR35 - check with your people.

[paruses]

Is that Government 101? Fuck accelerationism.

I have to do the DBS Check "Oh it'll just be 25 quid, pretty straightforward", 84 quid and a fucking hassle to get someone to sign my documents while in isolation.

Well done on whatever this job is. Make sure Q doesn't give you the shit gadgets.

Why did the DBS check cost 84 quid though? I did my last one all online for the flat £25.

[BlodwynPig]

Gov aren't allowed to pay umbrella companies because of IR35 - check with your people.

I'll be paying, but the Gov will increase my day rate to compensate

[BlodwynPig]

Well done on whatever this job is. Make sure Q doesn't give you the shit gadgets.

Why did the DBS check cost 84 quid though? I did my last one all online for the flat £25.

Probably went with wrong company?

[paruses]

Probably went with wrong company?

Yea probably - I did same with a passport renewal when there was no need. Very frustrating.

Presume the £100 was to register a ltd company not register WITH an umbrella. Don't get talked into anything because you are told it has to be that way. Agents in the past have told me I had to work through their umbrella company for roles before and it's just bullshit (I know your situation is slightly different but just be aware - others on her probably know a lot more about contracting to the public sector).

[BlodwynPig]

Getting a gov laptop so that Dom can watch me sleep and wake me at 3am for the start of my shift.

[bgmnts]

I'm getting a call from a recruitment company about a job at a sortation place at Amazon next week, so I'm even worse than you Blods. Take comfort in that.

[BlodwynPig]

Guess who I've got a meeting with next week? (100 points)

I haven't even started working for these people yet and they've dumped me off the deep end.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Guess who I've not got a meeting with next week? (100 points)

I haven't even started working for these people yet and they've dumped me off the deep end.

Ashley Banjo?

[bgmnts]

Josef Goebbels?

[BlodwynPig]

Ashley Banjo?

where did that errant 'not' come from...wishful thinking.

Not Ash or Josef.

[Cuellar]

Van Morrison?

[jobotic]

Biggytitbo?

[BlodwynPig]

Barry Admin meets Prince Andrew's Ex.

[Pingers]

Dildo Dodo?

[BlodwynPig]

Dildo Dodo?

NF.

[zomgmouse]

Ike and Tina Turner?

[Blinder Data]

Is it Big Daddy Cummings?