Author Topic: oh fuck no  (Read 6129 times)

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Stitched up
« Reply #30 on: September 01, 2020, 03:28:22 PM »
You'll be wheeled out as part of the daily briefing in a few weeks, speaking to the nation.

I shall get knitting immediately.  Produce a marvelously offensive woolen bodysock with integrated mask and snood for the occasion.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #31 on: September 01, 2020, 03:31:41 PM »
If you're meeting in a restaurant check if any of the other patrons look like they've been in Channel 4 reality shows.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #32 on: September 01, 2020, 03:34:53 PM »
Say hi to Biggy, for that's who it is.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #33 on: September 01, 2020, 03:37:30 PM »
'Meet the man who caused the second wave'

Calamitous corona clown unveiled, and of course he's a lefty! Embittered Corbyn fanatic who took the cruelest revenge on the nation that spurned his hapless hero...

Daily Mail journo's banging on the door all day long. "Mr. Pig! Mr. Pig!! Do you feel any guilt for the lives you've ended Mr. Pig? Is it true you strong armed the government into this plan?"

QDRPHNC

  • Golden Member
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  • "A soupçon of pizzazz."
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #34 on: September 01, 2020, 03:39:31 PM »
shiv the fuck

chveik

  • I feel like swimmin' in rat piss
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #35 on: September 01, 2020, 03:47:44 PM »
pies and pints all round!

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #36 on: September 01, 2020, 03:49:53 PM »
I can't imaagine the fantasy needed to be dredged up to get in the mood in an environment like that,  PLEASE TELL ALL

The toilets reeked of Thatcher

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #37 on: September 01, 2020, 04:06:07 PM »
Do you have any money or connections? This could be the start of you failing your way upwards into the highest echelons of government.

The toilets reeked of Thatcher

Of course, they now reek of Priti Patel. Still the odour of Thatcher, but with a hint of madras.*

*Pitching this to the new BBC comedy regime to get a gig on HIGNFY. It's anti-Tory but also simultaneously sexist and racist. Something for everyone.

monkfromhavana

  • Member
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  • Top one, nice one, get sorted
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #38 on: September 01, 2020, 04:32:39 PM »
If they give you any grief just tell them to go and fuck themselves. They're not family, friends, your boss or your better. If they knew about this stuff they wouldn't be asking you along in the first place.

Just don't sign anything before letting some responsible people give the document a once over (I.E. us).

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #39 on: September 01, 2020, 04:44:21 PM »
Adopt the baffle with bullshit approach, none of the other attendees will want to put their head above the parapet and admit they've no idea, it's all emperor's New clothes. Quoting lots of facts and figures always helps.

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
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  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #40 on: September 01, 2020, 05:38:58 PM »

You'll be good as Ollie in thick of it

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #41 on: September 01, 2020, 05:39:09 PM »
One tactic when feeling unprepared is to throw back questions, so stall by asking how, why, where, what, if, etc, and use their responses to those to gather data to help you respond either during the meeting or something to 'get back to you' on.

It makes you look thorough, responsive, eager and you can even end all that with a credible excuse to set up a second meeting.

Also, take any excuse possible to talk at length on a tangent about a subject you are completely on top of as a prompt that you aren't a chancer.

There’s also the availability to put on a credible but severe stutter that impedes any real progress being made, buying you time to respond in writing to these p... Pppp... at a later date.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #42 on: September 01, 2020, 05:46:17 PM »
All good advice, but moot in this case. however, just spoke to the Prof who will be joining me and he is nervous too. he's been co-i on a large project looking at wastewater surveillance of covid for 6 months now and says he thinks he knows even less now than when he started. He also thinks that political interference has hampered how this is being done (something I must try not to speak out loud tomorrow...must not belittle Johnson....not diss the Johnson). We've kind of worked out that the ***** lackey who has been banging on No. 10 trying to get them to listen is resorting to us to try and make ***** and chums actually do something to support it. Superbrain and Galaxybrain, be READY!

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #43 on: September 01, 2020, 05:48:25 PM »
When will we be able to drink out of rivers again Blodwyn?

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #44 on: September 01, 2020, 05:51:05 PM »
When will we be able to drink out of rivers again Blodwyn?

Depends on river, location along river, time of day and if there have been any overflows, industrial pollution or dead sheep incidents upstream prior to your drink. Best not to unless you are dying of thirst.

Dr Rock

  • The BEST of luck!
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #45 on: September 01, 2020, 05:53:42 PM »
Probly time to go all V For Vendetta. We're with you Blod.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #46 on: September 01, 2020, 05:54:44 PM »
Probly time to go all V For Vendetta. We're with you Blod.

Its via MS Teams!

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #47 on: September 01, 2020, 05:56:50 PM »
Depends on river, location along river, time of day and if there have been any overflows, industrial pollution or dead sheep incidents upstream prior to your drink. Best not to unless you are dying of thirst.

Thought so. You guys need to fix that. Blow em all up.

Captain Z

  • CABBALD
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #48 on: September 01, 2020, 07:37:42 PM »
Don't forget to wear a "I went to Barnard Castle and all I got was this lousy Covid" T-shirt.

Or this one:


Twonty Gostelow

  • Sent from my bum using Crapatalk
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #49 on: September 01, 2020, 08:02:39 PM »
All good advice, but moot in this case. however, just spoke to the Prof who will be joining me and he is nervous too. he's been co-i on a large project looking at wastewater surveillance of covid for 6 months now and says he thinks he knows even less now than when he started. He also thinks that political interference has hampered how this is being done (something I must try not to speak out loud tomorrow...must not belittle Johnson....not diss the Johnson). We've kind of worked out that the ***** lackey who has been banging on No. 10 trying to get them to listen is resorting to us to try and make ***** and chums actually do something to support it. Superbrain and Galaxybrain, be READY!










Good luck

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #50 on: September 01, 2020, 08:15:07 PM »
Well you all now know how easy it is to enter the corridors of power...even for nanoseconds. This is how they defeat your dreams of revolution.

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #51 on: September 01, 2020, 08:39:22 PM »
Don't let them defeat you piggers.  Don't sell your sweet hoggish arse to these terrible monsters.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #52 on: September 01, 2020, 09:02:43 PM »
Daedelpig flew too close to the sun


Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Dance little peegy, DANCE!
« Reply #53 on: September 01, 2020, 09:03:58 PM »
Is it tomorrow that your wax melts?

Operty1

  • Frankie says you're 83% a real person
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #54 on: September 01, 2020, 09:14:05 PM »
Easiest way through this is to wait for the first person to make any kind of point, then shout ‘YES’ nod knowingly, lift up a folder of papers while still nodding and repeatedly tap at them. Pop the folder down and say ‘Exactly this, this guy’s got it’.

Big smile, slurp of coffee, light a fag.

Post results to Cab.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Dance little peegy, DANCE!
« Reply #55 on: September 01, 2020, 09:28:21 PM »
Is it tomorrow that your wax melts?

Yeh, find out at 2pm today, meeting at 11am tomorrow.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #56 on: September 01, 2020, 09:30:02 PM »
Easiest way through this is to wait for the first person to make any kind of point, then shout ‘YES’ nod knowingly, lift up a folder of papers while still nodding and repeatedly tap at them. Pop the folder down and say ‘Exactly this, this guy’s got it’.

Big smile, slurp of coffee, light a fag.

Post results to Cab.

Their opening gambit

“So, Dr....Pig, i see you post regularly on a web forum called CookdandBombd...”

Operty1

  • Frankie says you're 83% a real person
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #57 on: September 01, 2020, 09:36:51 PM »
If you’re backed into a corner blame 5G towers.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #58 on: September 01, 2020, 09:59:20 PM »
Make sure to get in lots of sexist BANTER while everyone's getting their webcams sorted / putting their trousers on / establishing if everyone/anyone can see or hear them properly, so they know you're on board.

Or, actually, could just stick your webcam up your colon and claim technical difficulties until they all go away.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #59 on: September 01, 2020, 10:10:08 PM »
Give your sweaty ring a good buffing with a finger before shaking hands.

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