Author Topic: oh fuck no  (Read 6127 times)

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #60 on: September 01, 2020, 10:14:19 PM »
Say hi to Biggy, for that's who it is.
god he definitely applied to cummings' wildcard and assorted weirdos ad for SPADs didnt he

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
It will all be fine
« Reply #61 on: September 01, 2020, 10:41:56 PM »
Wear a sweat band on each wrist and one on your head.  This is very important.  Don't take any shit from these fucks.  I am synchronising my watches now and will be with you, I will be watching you, throughout.  Do not let us down.

Also, if you get the chance, try to fit the words coming country, coming continuity or similar - obvs pronounce it CUMMINGS CUNTwhatevs - into any speaking opportunity.  So you can laugh about it for the rest of your life.  Which may be short but at least you'll feel like a winner.  A laughing 70's tennis winner.


Cheer up love

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • You wanna plack the rick, you ha.
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #62 on: September 01, 2020, 10:52:26 PM »
You’ll go in, Dom’s up there, you’re down here, right? He’s on top, he’s asking you the questions. Then, all of a sudden, the select committee starts, he asks you some questions, you answer some questions – then, you start asking him the questions, and you flip it. Now, he’s trying to impress you. Turn that shit around on him.

Also keep calling him Domnique Cummies.

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #63 on: September 01, 2020, 10:55:24 PM »
He won't even be there.  He'll be driving the wrong way up Heathrow's famous second runway to test the pilots' eyesight.

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • You wanna plack the rick, you ha.
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #64 on: September 01, 2020, 11:18:04 PM »
When you greet him tell him that you love his work on Don’t Get Done, Get Dom. If he isn’t there find the baldest man in the room and tell him that you love his work on Don’t Get Done, Get Dom. If he isn’t there and someone says towards the end of the meeting “are we all done here?” say “Don’t Get Done, Get Dom”.  If he is there and he says “are we all done here”, say “you’re done, by me”.

Johnny Yesno

  • Member
  • **
  • Perfume of a critic's burning flesh
    • Lines Horizontal
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #65 on: September 02, 2020, 02:39:48 AM »
Good luck Blodders. Even if it goes tits up, it's still a win if you call them a bunch of psychopaths on your way out.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #66 on: September 02, 2020, 03:19:22 AM »
You need a catchphrase, "bung a bob for bogwater"

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #67 on: September 02, 2020, 07:30:30 AM »
Good luck Blodders. Even if it goes tits up, it's still a win if you call them a bunch of psychopaths on your way out.

thanks. although any "good luck" message reminds me of my great grandfather being sent over the top in the first world war by his buddies.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #68 on: September 02, 2020, 07:33:31 AM »
You need a catchphrase, "bung a bob for bogwater"

Mine will be "errrr....ummmm...I'm not even working on this right now. I'm virtually unemployed...errrr"...to which their reply will be "yeh, this is your interview DICK CUNT TWAT...who recommended this guy?"

gahhhhhhh!

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

  • Well ...enjoy your lifetime supply of virginity!
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #69 on: September 02, 2020, 08:34:46 AM »
Just say " Gentleman , you can all go and fuck yourselves"[1], in a homage to Woody Allen in " The Front" ( Dir. Martin Ritt, 1976).
 1.  The Kids From Grange Hill consider rewrite

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #70 on: September 02, 2020, 08:34:59 AM »
Is this so Cummings can have something else to go on the live screens in his new mission control centre?

Quote
MOVING DAY: It’s a big morning in No. 10 as well, where Boris Johnson’s top advisers are about to pack up their desks and move to a new office at 70 Whitehall, as senior aide Dominic Cummings installs his hotly anticipated “mission control” at the heart of the government. Playbook has an early readout from Whitehall officials who’ve had a tour of their new digs — and Houston, we may have a problem.

Not like in the movies: The fabled “NASA-style” control room needs work, according to an official who says it actually resembles an “underwhelming” large open plan whitewashed modern office, “like a call center.” Cummings has arranged rows of socially distanced desks for key aides to sit at, with former Vote Leave data guru Ben Warner at his side (well, two meters away). An early seating plan shows SpAds and officials arranged in banks around this central module, grouped according to policy themes such as the economy and schools. The ultimate aim is to have a series of TV screens and projectors on the walls beaming in extremely detailed live data on coronavirus numbers from private tech companies, then eventually stats on how the government’s “Project Speed” infrastructure programs are progressing. Which does sound kinda cool, but unfortunately for a project titled Speed, they are yet to be installed. A Whitehall “Thick Of It” fan tells Playbook it’s currently more like “DoSAC season 1” than Apollo 11.

To boldly go where no SpAd has gone before: Another Whitehall official reckons: “Who does or doesn’t have proximity to Dom in mission control is yet another source of SpAd stress. Your power now comes from how close you sit to Captain Dom’s chair on the bridge. If you’re not in the room you’re not on the Starship Enterprise, and probably not in a job for much longer.”

https://www.politico.eu/newsletter/london-playbook/politico-london-playbook-welcome-back-gavs-results-day-inside-doms-mission-control/

Zetetic

  • Worrying the carcass of an old song.
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #71 on: September 02, 2020, 08:36:06 AM »
Given the vast amounts of cash they've given to Serco and Deloitte, with no oversight and no responsibility for the series of surprisingly constant fuck-ups over the last few months, this will presumably be a piece of piss (no jokes about wastewater intended). (Edit: And it's not like their dashboards or any good either, unless there's some secret ones reserved for England.)

We're seeing no indication that the UK Government is taking any of this stuff seriously. I imagine it's about making them feel clever and in control, not any kind of actual diligence.

(Edit: 26 minutes this week, before we learnt of another UKG contractor fuckup that none of them seem have known about.)
« Last Edit: September 02, 2020, 08:57:38 AM by Zetetic »

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #72 on: September 02, 2020, 08:38:19 AM »
Is this so Cummings can have something else to go on the live screens in his new mission control centre?

https://www.politico.eu/newsletter/london-playbook/politico-london-playbook-welcome-back-gavs-results-day-inside-doms-mission-control/


fuck...it's Ben I'm speaking with. So Dom will be within earshot. Thanks...not reading any more of this thread

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #73 on: September 02, 2020, 08:40:10 AM »
Given the vast amounts of cash they've given to Serco and Deloitte, with no oversight and no responsibility for the series of surprisingly constant fuck-ups over the last few months, this will presumably be a piece of piss (no jokes about wastewater intended). (Edit: And it's not like their dashboards or any good either, unless there's some secret ones reserved for England.)

We're seeing no indication that the UK Government is taking any of this stuff seriously. I imagine it's about making them feel clever and in control, not any kind of actual diligence.

Yeh, I have the feelings but when you are a nervous wreck, its not the time to get cocky. If my brain worked faster I might have had a chance, but its slow under stress. Especially after a week of food poisoning and high blood sugars

Zetetic

  • Worrying the carcass of an old song.
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #74 on: September 02, 2020, 08:40:31 AM »
Bring a pretty map.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #75 on: September 02, 2020, 08:41:15 AM »
Bring a pretty.map.

Just got a call. They want you to "sit in". I'll send you the coordinates soon.


Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #76 on: September 02, 2020, 09:36:21 AM »
Or, actually, could just stick your webcam up your colon and claim technical difficulties until they all go away.

Is that why some of them have a 'ringlight'?

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
This is Cummings, DO NOT PANIC
« Reply #77 on: September 02, 2020, 10:24:21 AM »
Is this so Cummings can have something else to go on the live screens in his new mission control centre?
Quote
MOVING DAY: It’s a big morning in No. 10 as well, where Boris Johnson’s top advisers are about to pack up their desks and move to a new office at 70 Whitehall, as senior aide Dominic Cummings installs his hotly anticipated “mission control” at the heart of the government. Playbook has an early readout from Whitehall officials who’ve had a tour of their new digs — and Houston, we may have a problem.

Not like in the movies: The fabled “NASA-style” control room needs work, according to an official who says it actually resembles an “underwhelming” large open plan whitewashed modern office, “like a call center.” Cummings has arranged rows of socially distanced desks for key aides to sit at, with former Vote Leave data guru Ben Warner at his side (well, two meters away). An early seating plan shows SpAds and officials arranged in banks around this central module, grouped according to policy themes such as the economy and schools. The ultimate aim is to have a series of TV screens and projectors on the walls beaming in extremely detailed live data on coronavirus numbers from private tech companies, then eventually stats on how the government’s “Project Speed” infrastructure programs are progressing. Which does sound kinda cool, but unfortunately for a project titled Speed, they are yet to be installed. A Whitehall “Thick Of It” fan tells Playbook it’s currently more like “DoSAC season 1” than Apollo 11.

To boldly go where no SpAd has gone before: Another Whitehall official reckons: “Who does or doesn’t have proximity to Dom in mission control is yet another source of SpAd stress. Your power now comes from how close you sit to Captain Dom’s chair on the bridge. If you’re not in the room you’re not on the Starship Enterprise, and probably not in a job for much longer.”
https://www.politico.eu/newsletter/london-playbook/politico-london-playbook-welcome-back-gavs-results-day-inside-doms-mission-control/

The more we see and read, the more disturbingly convinced we must become that galaxy-brian Cummings is just that.  Deary me, and he's in charge now, you say?


Captain Dom strategically running away

Captain Z

  • CABBALD
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #78 on: September 02, 2020, 10:31:36 AM »
If it all goes really badly try to win them round with a joke: "Just imagine how much worse this would be if Boris Johnson was in charge!". They'll love that.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #79 on: September 02, 2020, 10:33:37 AM »
Fuck's sake Blods, just call them for the cunts they are.

Mr_Simnock

  • Ես ուզում անդորր
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #80 on: September 02, 2020, 10:43:24 AM »
I wonder what tme Blodders will pre-gape himself for the meeting?

robotam

  • Member
  • **
  • 0-1-1-0-1-fun!!
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #81 on: September 02, 2020, 10:44:14 AM »
BlodwynPig, please screenshare this thread with them. I have a few things I want to tell 'em (don't like them etc.)

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #82 on: September 02, 2020, 12:24:06 PM »
DONE - Fucking hell. FUCKING HELL.

Nah, not that bad at all. A big teddy bear. Even got to confuse him and everyone at the end with real science. Anyway, he's given me his personal e-mail now, so get your requests in.

Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #83 on: September 02, 2020, 12:27:40 PM »
Send him malware.

Fambo Number Mive

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #84 on: September 02, 2020, 12:28:31 PM »
Glad it went ok BlodwynPig.

Captain Z

  • CABBALD
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #85 on: September 02, 2020, 12:40:04 PM »
Right, so we're all agreed - someone needs to take care of Blodwyn.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #86 on: September 02, 2020, 12:43:43 PM »
Right, so we're all agreed - someone needs to take care of Blodwyn.

I've seen inside Dom's new nerve centre too. All big screens around the walls...all of them switched off.

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #87 on: September 02, 2020, 12:46:10 PM »
I am making you a crocheted Death Star Christmas ornament stuffed with something dangerous.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #88 on: September 02, 2020, 01:01:18 PM »
I am making you a crocheted Death Star Christmas ornament stuffed with something dangerous.

Thank you for all your support over the years. Comrade. But a Boris Jedi must find a time to break free from the commune. That time is now.

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: oh fuck no
« Reply #89 on: September 02, 2020, 01:04:04 PM »
You must do what you think is right. 

Tags: