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March 29, 2024, 11:28:04 AM

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oh fuck no

Started by BlodwynPig, September 01, 2020, 02:29:18 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

idunnosomename

Quote from: jobotic on September 01, 2020, 03:34:53 PM
Say hi to Biggy, for that's who it is.
god he definitely applied to cummings' wildcard and assorted weirdos ad for SPADs didnt he

Buelligan

Wear a sweat band on each wrist and one on your head.  This is very important.  Don't take any shit from these fucks.  I am synchronising my watches now and will be with you, I will be watching you, throughout.  Do not let us down.

Also, if you get the chance, try to fit the words coming country, coming continuity or similar - obvs pronounce it CUMMINGS CUNTwhatevs - into any speaking opportunity.  So you can laugh about it for the rest of your life.  Which may be short but at least you'll feel like a winner.  A laughing 70's tennis winner.


Cheer up love

touchingcloth

You'll go in, Dom's up there, you're down here, right? He's on top, he's asking you the questions. Then, all of a sudden, the select committee starts, he asks you some questions, you answer some questions – then, you start asking him the questions, and you flip it. Now, he's trying to impress you. Turn that shit around on him.

Also keep calling him Domnique Cummies.

Buelligan

He won't even be there.  He'll be driving the wrong way up Heathrow's famous second runway to test the pilots' eyesight.

touchingcloth

When you greet him tell him that you love his work on Don't Get Done, Get Dom. If he isn't there find the baldest man in the room and tell him that you love his work on Don't Get Done, Get Dom. If he isn't there and someone says towards the end of the meeting "are we all done here?" say "Don't Get Done, Get Dom".  If he is there and he says "are we all done here", say "you're done, by me".

Johnny Yesno

Good luck Blodders. Even if it goes tits up, it's still a win if you call them a bunch of psychopaths on your way out.

evilcommiedictator

You need a catchphrase, "bung a bob for bogwater"

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Johnny Yesno on September 02, 2020, 02:39:48 AM
Good luck Blodders. Even if it goes tits up, it's still a win if you call them a bunch of psychopaths on your way out.

thanks. although any "good luck" message reminds me of my great grandfather being sent over the top in the first world war by his buddies.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: evilcommiedictator on September 02, 2020, 03:19:22 AM
You need a catchphrase, "bung a bob for bogwater"

Mine will be "errrr....ummmm...I'm not even working on this right now. I'm virtually unemployed...errrr"...to which their reply will be "yeh, this is your interview DICK CUNT TWAT...who recommended this guy?"

gahhhhhhh!

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Just say " Gentleman , you can all go and fuck yourselves"[nb] The Kids From Grange Hill consider rewrite[/nb], in a homage to Woody Allen in " The Front" ( Dir. Martin Ritt, 1976).

steveh

Is this so Cummings can have something else to go on the live screens in his new mission control centre?

QuoteMOVING DAY: It's a big morning in No. 10 as well, where Boris Johnson's top advisers are about to pack up their desks and move to a new office at 70 Whitehall, as senior aide Dominic Cummings installs his hotly anticipated "mission control" at the heart of the government. Playbook has an early readout from Whitehall officials who've had a tour of their new digs — and Houston, we may have a problem.

Not like in the movies: The fabled "NASA-style" control room needs work, according to an official who says it actually resembles an "underwhelming" large open plan whitewashed modern office, "like a call center." Cummings has arranged rows of socially distanced desks for key aides to sit at, with former Vote Leave data guru Ben Warner at his side (well, two meters away). An early seating plan shows SpAds and officials arranged in banks around this central module, grouped according to policy themes such as the economy and schools. The ultimate aim is to have a series of TV screens and projectors on the walls beaming in extremely detailed live data on coronavirus numbers from private tech companies, then eventually stats on how the government's "Project Speed" infrastructure programs are progressing. Which does sound kinda cool, but unfortunately for a project titled Speed, they are yet to be installed. A Whitehall "Thick Of It" fan tells Playbook it's currently more like "DoSAC season 1" than Apollo 11.

To boldly go where no SpAd has gone before: Another Whitehall official reckons: "Who does or doesn't have proximity to Dom in mission control is yet another source of SpAd stress. Your power now comes from how close you sit to Captain Dom's chair on the bridge. If you're not in the room you're not on the Starship Enterprise, and probably not in a job for much longer."

https://www.politico.eu/newsletter/london-playbook/politico-london-playbook-welcome-back-gavs-results-day-inside-doms-mission-control/

Zetetic

#71
Given the vast amounts of cash they've given to Serco and Deloitte, with no oversight and no responsibility for the series of surprisingly constant fuck-ups over the last few months, this will presumably be a piece of piss (no jokes about wastewater intended). (Edit: And it's not like their dashboards or any good either, unless there's some secret ones reserved for England.)

We're seeing no indication that the UK Government is taking any of this stuff seriously. I imagine it's about making them feel clever and in control, not any kind of actual diligence.

(Edit: 26 minutes this week, before we learnt of another UKG contractor fuckup that none of them seem have known about.)

BlodwynPig

Quote from: steveh on September 02, 2020, 08:34:59 AM
Is this so Cummings can have something else to go on the live screens in his new mission control centre?

https://www.politico.eu/newsletter/london-playbook/politico-london-playbook-welcome-back-gavs-results-day-inside-doms-mission-control/


fuck...it's Ben I'm speaking with. So Dom will be within earshot. Thanks...not reading any more of this thread

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Zetetic on September 02, 2020, 08:36:06 AM
Given the vast amounts of cash they've given to Serco and Deloitte, with no oversight and no responsibility for the series of surprisingly constant fuck-ups over the last few months, this will presumably be a piece of piss (no jokes about wastewater intended). (Edit: And it's not like their dashboards or any good either, unless there's some secret ones reserved for England.)

We're seeing no indication that the UK Government is taking any of this stuff seriously. I imagine it's about making them feel clever and in control, not any kind of actual diligence.

Yeh, I have the feelings but when you are a nervous wreck, its not the time to get cocky. If my brain worked faster I might have had a chance, but its slow under stress. Especially after a week of food poisoning and high blood sugars

Zetetic


BlodwynPig

Quote from: Zetetic on September 02, 2020, 08:40:31 AM
Bring a pretty.map.

Just got a call. They want you to "sit in". I'll send you the coordinates soon.


Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: brat-sampson on September 01, 2020, 09:59:20 PM
Or, actually, could just stick your webcam up your colon and claim technical difficulties until they all go away.

Is that why some of them have a 'ringlight'?

Buelligan

Quote from: steveh on September 02, 2020, 08:34:59 AM
Is this so Cummings can have something else to go on the live screens in his new mission control centre?
QuoteMOVING DAY: It's a big morning in No. 10 as well, where Boris Johnson's top advisers are about to pack up their desks and move to a new office at 70 Whitehall, as senior aide Dominic Cummings installs his hotly anticipated "mission control" at the heart of the government. Playbook has an early readout from Whitehall officials who've had a tour of their new digs — and Houston, we may have a problem.

Not like in the movies: The fabled "NASA-style" control room needs work, according to an official who says it actually resembles an "underwhelming" large open plan whitewashed modern office, "like a call center." Cummings has arranged rows of socially distanced desks for key aides to sit at, with former Vote Leave data guru Ben Warner at his side (well, two meters away). An early seating plan shows SpAds and officials arranged in banks around this central module, grouped according to policy themes such as the economy and schools. The ultimate aim is to have a series of TV screens and projectors on the walls beaming in extremely detailed live data on coronavirus numbers from private tech companies, then eventually stats on how the government's "Project Speed" infrastructure programs are progressing. Which does sound kinda cool, but unfortunately for a project titled Speed, they are yet to be installed. A Whitehall "Thick Of It" fan tells Playbook it's currently more like "DoSAC season 1" than Apollo 11.

To boldly go where no SpAd has gone before: Another Whitehall official reckons: "Who does or doesn't have proximity to Dom in mission control is yet another source of SpAd stress. Your power now comes from how close you sit to Captain Dom's chair on the bridge. If you're not in the room you're not on the Starship Enterprise, and probably not in a job for much longer."
https://www.politico.eu/newsletter/london-playbook/politico-london-playbook-welcome-back-gavs-results-day-inside-doms-mission-control/

The more we see and read, the more disturbingly convinced we must become that galaxy-brian Cummings is just that.  Deary me, and he's in charge now, you say?


Captain Dom strategically running away

Captain Z

If it all goes really badly try to win them round with a joke: "Just imagine how much worse this would be if Boris Johnson was in charge!". They'll love that.

Norton Canes

Fuck's sake Blods, just call them for the cunts they are.

Mr_Simnock

I wonder what tme Blodders will pre-gape himself for the meeting?

robotam

BlodwynPig, please screenshare this thread with them. I have a few things I want to tell 'em (don't like them etc.)

BlodwynPig

DONE - Fucking hell. FUCKING HELL.

Nah, not that bad at all. A big teddy bear. Even got to confuse him and everyone at the end with real science. Anyway, he's given me his personal e-mail now, so get your requests in.


Fambo Number Mive

Glad it went ok BlodwynPig.

Captain Z

Right, so we're all agreed - someone needs to take care of Blodwyn.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Captain Z on September 02, 2020, 12:40:04 PM
Right, so we're all agreed - someone needs to take care of Blodwyn.

I've seen inside Dom's new nerve centre too. All big screens around the walls...all of them switched off.

Buelligan

I am making you a crocheted Death Star Christmas ornament stuffed with something dangerous.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Buelligan on September 02, 2020, 12:46:10 PM
I am making you a crocheted Death Star Christmas ornament stuffed with something dangerous.

Thank you for all your support over the years. Comrade. But a Boris Jedi must find a time to break free from the commune. That time is now.

Buelligan

You must do what you think is right.