Glebe, my office, please.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Good morning Glebe.

It has been six weeks since we promoted you to H.S. Art stock controller after a very impressive interview where you demonstrated you either met or exceeded all of the KPIs we associate with the role.

Yet, today I've gone into the stock room to discover;

• No stock of anus jokes
• In excess of 70 John Challis references that are past their expiry date
• Bailiffs refusing to take part in Edmonds threads due to social distancing
• Paedophiles and geese all mixed up
• Gapes measured in imperial measurements rather than metric as per H.S. Art policy
• popcorn, nude

I know these are challenging times, but we expected better of you. I expect to see a massive improvement over the next week or so, or else Mr. Gasgoigne and I will have no option but to terminate your contract.

Thank you for your time.

[Glebe]

To answer your criticisms, Mr. Babkins:

1. Shoulders is in charge of arse gags, y'git!

2. Challis references are classed as 'dry foods' and have an extended shelf-life.

3. I've sent a 'fresh' bailiff out this morn to Crinkley Bottom. He will wear a face mask when he approaches the stately manor.

4. Somebody must have thrown those paedos into the Geese File.

5. Poo is in charge of gape-measurement and well you know it!

6. We're scrapping the barrel here. You're not seriously suggesting I take responsibility for the clothing of my arch-enemy popcorn, are you?

Oh and by the way, you can tell Old Gazza to go and stuff 'imself!

[Huxleys Babkins]

Mr. Gascoigne is not impressed with your attitude.

[popcorn]

I have not been paid my daily fee of £25 in weeks so you can only expect me to become nuder unless Glebe gets his act together.

[Glebe]

I have not been paid my daily fee of £25 in weeks so you can only expect me to become nuder unless Glebe gets his act together.

You've been paid in full. Now put some clothes on, mate!

[Ferris]

To answer your criticisms, Mr. Babkins:

1. Shoulders is in charge of arse gags, y'git!

2. Challis references are classed as 'dry foods' and have an extended shelf-life.

3. I've sent a 'fresh' bailiff out this morn to Crinkley Bottom. He will wear a face mask when he approaches the stately manor.

4. Somebody must have thrown those paedos into the Geese File.

5. Poo is in charge of gape-measurement and well you know it!

6. We're scrapping the barrel here. You're not seriously suggesting I take responsibility for the clothing of my arch-enemy popcorn, are you?

Oh and by the way, you can tell Old Gazza to go and stuff 'imself!

Pathetic. "Ooh it was someone else's fault mister!"

Huxley should have given me the job and he fucking knows it.

Hux - when you're ready to ditch the Glebe and get with a real HS Art Controller, I'll be waiting.

[Glebe]

Ferris, we're good workmates and I enjoy winding down with a G&T with you at the bar every Friday night, but YOU ARE NOT GETTING MY JOB!

[Ferris]

Ferris, we're good workmates and I enjoy winding down with a G&T with you at the bar every Friday night, but YOU ARE NOT GETTING MY JOB!

That was ONE TIME and I ended up PAYING for BOTH G&Ts after you left to take a call about "anus delivery" and never came back.

Wise ol' Hux makes the call on jobs, I think it's clear what he needs to do here. I won't deny my record on getting grants for HS Art Improvement combined with my "post to anus joke" ratio make me a formidable candidate, and I make no apologies for that.

[Glebe]

That was ONE TIME and I ended up PAYING for BOTH G&Ts after you left to take a call about "anus delivery" and never came back.

Wise ol' Hux makes the call on jobs, I think it's clear what he needs to do here. I won't deny my record on getting grants for HS Art Improvement combined with my "post to anus joke" ratio make me a formidable candidate, and I make no apologies for that.

Drinks where ON THE HOUSE that night!

And who left that loose anus in the Juggy section? Answer me that!

[pancreas]

This is fucking bullshit. He is a wastrel. Everyone can see it. He is guilty. Everyone can see it. He should be sanctioned. He should be physically sanctioned.

[Glebe]

This is fucking bullshit. He is a wastrel. Everyone can see it. He is guilty. Everyone can see it. He should be sanctioned. He should be physically sanctioned.

This is a witchhunt!

[pancreas]

WITH ONE WITCH

[Ferris]

And who left that loose anus in the Juggy section? Answer me that!

It was never conclusively proved.

[Glebe]

Really getting pissed off now. You'd swear I was responsible for the entire department!