Author Topic: Generous Seagull sues Birds Eye!  (Read 284 times)

Glebe

  • Please beware as there is a draclea on the loose.
Generous Seagull sues Birds Eye!
« on: September 05, 2020, 01:25:08 AM »


The famous Birds Eye logo.

There were incredible scenes at the Old Bailey today as Generous Seagull's recent legal action targeting the Birds Eye company officially went to court. The noted 'giving' bird is suing the famed frozen food company for, as he claims, "using his likeness" for their famous logo.

We shall look into these claims further with exclusive excerpts from an interview Generous gave this morning, but first, some context is needed.

Let's look at the facts.

The Birds Eye company was founded in New York in 1800 by Aloysius Arbuthnot Braithwaite Birdseye, when he noticed the lack of proper frozen foods available to settlers along the Eastern seaboard of the United States [citation needed]. Since then, the company has grown exponentially, spreading throughout European during the 20th Century and being a particularly popular brand in the UK, thanks to Captain Birdseye, a British seafarer and one-time heir to the Birds Eye fortune before fate dealt him a deadly blow, leaving him to scrape out a living by advertising the company he was once set to take over [more citations needed].

There is no record as to when the Birds Eye logo took shape in the form of a seabird, but, as he revealed exclusively in today's The Daily Star, Generous is "convinced" the giant corporation stole his image to advertise their frozen goods.

"There's no doubt about it," Generous told the much-loved periodical, "Birds Eye used my personage in their well-known logo. Lawyers for BE are saying that there's not much likeness, suggesting that it's merely a 'generic' seabird, but you'd have to be blind not to recognize the similarities with my own fizzog. Meanwhile, I've been involved in various negotiations with them which have all come to nowt, which is why I have taken them to court. And they needn't think I'll go easy. I'm gonna take 'em to the fucking cleaners! Especially after some of the dirty tricks they pulled to try and stop the legal action going ahead. I can't go into too much detail with the trial ongoing, but I will fill you in on every juicy incident that I can!"



Generous aboard Birdeye's schooner.

"At first I tried to work with Birds Eye, offering to forego the heavy sum I was looking for in favour of a reasonable fee if they would take me on as a consultant. I suggested various catchphrases to the advertising department, such as 'Nothing passes the gull's eye!' and 'As fresh as the moment that the gull caught the fish!' but they told me that those ideas were not original enough to use. Then they tried to fob me off with a luxury hamper filled with delicious products from their extensive range, but I said 'No way, mate!' and began legal proceedings!"

In the meantime, Generous became close friends with the 1980's Captain Birdseye, who (as previously stated) was once heir to the Birds Eye fortune, but ended up hocking the family products as an advertising gimmick. "He's enjoying his retirement now, but he was once the most famous of the Birdseyes... I think they have a woman doing it now!" laughs Generous, with a roll of the eyes. "Anyway, I met him during preparations for the case, and he became a suprizing ally in all of this. He invited me aboard his ship, where I was given special place at the Captain's Table. Then in he came, carrying a plate of lovely fish fingers! "Only the best for the Captain's Table!" he chuckled! And, indeed, they were the finest fish fingers I have ever tasted. I'll give Birds Eye one thing, they use only the finest fish for their produce!"



Birdseye caught at secret strip session.

So didn't his new-found friendship with the former company man help Generous with his case? "Alas, no," sighs the gull sadly. "They had given him a lifetime's supply of fish fingers along with his gold watch, but the Captain was still angry about being denied his birthright. And he was all set to assist me in my legal case when all of a sudden things went pear-shaped!"

How so? "As soon as BE caught wind of my dinner engagement with their former mascot they sent in the dirty tricks department! I received an anonymous phone call one rainy night, and was instructed to meet a mysterious, cigarette-smoking man in an underground carpark. He remained in shadow, but handed me a photograph of the Captain himself, apparently taken at some seedy sex session! It was their way of telling me to 'Back off!'"

He may have lost the help of the Captain, but nevertheless the gull proceeded with his legal action, and today's first hearing saw fireworks fly, with Generous' hotshot lawyer Buford J. Firefly flying in from Louisiana to make one of this famous bullish opening statements at the Old Bailey. Sparks flew when one of Birds Eyes' legal representatives suggested Generous should drop the case before if goes any further. This infuriated Firefly, spurring him on to one of this great courtroom performances.



Buford J. Firefly, representing Generous in court today.

"Sah, I say, sah," puffed Buford, moping his brow, "we got your fish company six ways to Sunday on this! Now the court is going to listen to my clients testimony whether in the hell you like it or not!"

The lawyer then stood on the judge's desk and began to play an incredible saxophone solo, to whoops and cheers from those their assembled.

The trial continues.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2020, 04:00:35 AM by Glebe »

Glebe

  • Please beware as there is a draclea on the loose.
Re: Generous Seagull sues Birds Eye!
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2020, 01:59:17 PM »
"Hi guys, Gen here... just to let you know that sadly I lost the case, but am now planning to sue Bird's Custard. Caw! Caw!"


Re: Generous Seagull sues Birds Eye!
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2020, 07:59:34 PM »
Sorry to say I'm glad Generous lost the case, he didn't have a leg to stand on and was clearly riding on the goodwill the general public has towards him. Frankly I think it's about time people started questioning exactly how "generous" he really is, when you look at his history of lawsuits

Glebe

  • Please beware as there is a draclea on the loose.
Re: Generous Seagull sues Birds Eye!
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2020, 11:13:21 AM »
Sorry to say I'm glad Generous lost the case, he didn't have a leg to stand on and was clearly riding on the goodwill the general public has towards him. Frankly I think it's about time people started questioning exactly how "generous" he really is, when you look at his history of lawsuits

"What about the time you tried to sue the writer of the song 'Popcorn', mate?! The hypocrisy of it... caw! Caw!"

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