Author Topic: Anyone been to the Falklands?  (Read 5452 times)

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #120 on: September 08, 2020, 10:33:55 AM »
I am now concerned that Mrs Nose is a criminal and/or hates me so much she's not only willing to go and have sex with one of those Falkland men in the pub, but is actively looking forward to it.

THANKS CAB.  THAB.

Paul Calf

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #121 on: September 08, 2020, 10:37:41 AM »
gimp on the right


Do you have to bring the BBC into EVERYTHING?

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #122 on: September 08, 2020, 11:55:15 PM »
Why is Belize such a bad posting? Sounds lovely to me.

My uncle was posted there during the 1980’s and he said it was fucking shite
My uncle is an ex copper as well and a big old fashioned racist
I still like him, apart from his old fashioned racism and bigotry

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #123 on: September 08, 2020, 11:58:22 PM »
Quote
Belize has one of the highest per capita murder rates in the world. There have been increased incidents of violent crime (armed robberies, home incursions, murders) against long term expatriate residents; and physical assaults, including rape, of tourists. Armed criminal gangs have also been known to operate in the past around the densely forested areas of Belize, particularly around the border area with Guatemala, close to tourist sites. These incidents are uncommon and the areas are patrolled by the Belize Defence Force.

The majority of muggings occur in Belize City but are common in all districts, including tourist destinations such as San Pedro, Caye Caulker, Placencia and San Ignacio. Avoid dark alleys, don’t hitchhike or accept lifts from strangers, keep valuables out of sight and be aware that wearing expensive jewellery could attract unwanted attention. If possible, travel in groups and use a qualified guide for trips off the beaten track.

Incidents of serious gang-related violence do occur in Belize City, most commonly in the area to the south of the Haulover Creek (known as Southside). While tourists are not normally the targets of gang violence, anyone in the vicinity of an incident could be affected. You should exercise particular caution and remain vigilant of your surroundings if in and around these areas, especially at night.

idunnosomename

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #124 on: September 09, 2020, 12:45:00 AM »
i dont belize ya

dr beat

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #125 on: September 09, 2020, 04:32:13 AM »
Smokie consider rewrite.


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Stewart Lee spam

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I love All Around My Hat'


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BlodwynPig

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #126 on: September 09, 2020, 07:44:35 AM »
I am now concerned that Mrs Nose is a criminal and/or hates me so much she's not only willing to go and have sex with one of those Falkland men in the pub, but is actively looking forward to it.

THANKS CAB.  THAB.

can you ask her to destroy the Thatcher bust.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #127 on: September 09, 2020, 08:03:41 AM »
Cecil Parkinson would have loved to have destroyed the Thatcher bust in her time.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #128 on: September 09, 2020, 08:47:00 AM »
Quote
Belize has one of the highest per capita murder rates in the world. There have been increased incidents of violent crime (armed robberies, home incursions, murders) against long term expatriate residents; and physical assaults, including rape, of tourists. Armed criminal gangs have also been known to operate in the past around the densely forested areas of Belize, particularly around the border area with Guatemala, close to tourist sites. These incidents are uncommon and the areas are patrolled by the Belize Defence Force.

The majority of muggings occur in Belize City but are common in all districts, including tourist destinations such as San Pedro, Caye Caulker, Placencia and San Ignacio. Avoid dark alleys, don’t hitchhike or accept lifts from strangers, keep valuables out of sight and be aware that wearing expensive jewellery could attract unwanted attention. If possible, travel in groups and use a qualified guide for trips off the beaten track.

Incidents of serious gang-related violence do occur in Belize City, most commonly in the area to the south of the Haulover Creek (known as Southside). While tourists are not normally the targets of gang violence, anyone in the vicinity of an incident could be affected. You should exercise particular caution and remain vigilant of your surroundings if in and around these areas, especially at night.

Well, the Falklands doesn't sound so bad now does it!


can you ask her to destroy the Thatcher bust.

Probs don't need to.  Ask her, I mean.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #129 on: September 09, 2020, 09:17:12 AM »


Well, the Falklands doesn't sound so bad now does it!


Probs don't need to.  Ask her, I mean.

We're due to be filming the FINAL instalment of the Minotaur series on the Falklands at the time your wife is there. It's touch and go whether Jen will put pen to paper and make a return for the finale...can you ask your wife if she has any acting experience?

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #130 on: September 09, 2020, 09:18:10 AM »
We're due to be filming the FINAL instalment of the Minotaur series on the Falklands at the time your wife is there. It's touch and go whether Jen will put pen to paper and make a return for the finale...can you ask your wife if she has any acting experience?

She says no but will do anything for a tenner.  Which is news to me.

BlodwynPig

  • The Last Living Member of COVID-20
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #131 on: September 09, 2020, 09:32:28 AM »
She says no but will do anything for a tenner.  Which is news to me.

Finally slay the Minoan uber-bastard, after 23 films, several tele-movies, a comic book series, seven novels, several theatre productions, and a video games franchise?

The contract is worth several million, but if she will take a tenner, then she's got the role and I will inform Jen's agent.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #132 on: September 09, 2020, 09:48:09 AM »
She says if she can get her bit done in two days (evenings only) it's a deal.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #133 on: September 09, 2020, 09:58:43 AM »
She says if she can get her bit done in two days (evenings only) it's a deal.

agreed, is she ok with partial nudity? (Jen was*)

*until lawsuit

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #134 on: September 09, 2020, 10:36:40 AM »
Full gape.  But only if it's tasteful.

Dr Rock

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #135 on: September 09, 2020, 02:14:59 PM »
An island near Argentina, which is a hot place, that has penguins? Come off it.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #136 on: September 09, 2020, 02:19:08 PM »
An island near Argentina, which is a hot place, that has penguins? Come off it.

I don't think it ever gets above about 20degrees in the summer - relatively close to Antarctica innit.

gib

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #137 on: September 09, 2020, 02:21:26 PM »
An island near Argentina, which is a hot place, that has penguins? Come off it.

"near" = 1521km


Dr Rock

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #138 on: September 09, 2020, 02:22:23 PM »
That's one huge beach

moondogs

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #139 on: September 09, 2020, 02:27:13 PM »
I'VE BEEN.

It's certainly an interesting place, quite unlike most places I've ever visited. As others have said, it is pretty bleak. I think that 15 degrees is a balmy day there and the wind never really stops howling as it's a rather flat place in the middle of a fucking vast ocean. I sailed into Port Stanley and it's a strange sensation seeing the names of all of the Navy ships writ large upon the small hills surrounding the harbour.

I don't think I went to the bar in the pictures someone's already posted, but I did go to one right near the dock that was essentially a temporary structure from the 80s filled with guns and regimental pictures etc. There was an RPG hanging from the ceiling. It's that kind of place. Provincial rugby club / regimental mess / small village vibe.

There were lots of English people there as well as a fair few South Africans and Chileans. It sort of felt like a army village somewhere in Dorset crossed with Royston Vasey but instead placed on a rock in the absolute middle of nowhere. You are often reminded of the quite perilous location and conditions by the presence of numerous shipwrecks dotted about the harbour. One of the big 'uns is over 100 years old I think. Port Stanley harbour is quite wide and long? Deep? (I'm no marine expert) and it's often windy enough to stop boats of certain sizes from being able to dock there.

The positives? There is an abundance of beautiful wildlife, mostly birds, and the landscape does have a certain charm if you're into isolation. If your wife likes penguins (the birds, not the chocolate bars, I'm not saying she's a wideload) then she's in luck. We were told there's two main beaches where the penguins live. I chose poorly and only saw one penguin sat in a scratchy-looking bush; once they start molting they don't move, they just sit there shitting everywhere (EVERYWHERE) and you can go up and get real close to them. They only move once they've replaced every single feather.  Those mates that chose wisely went to the decent beach and were treated to the sight of hundreds of them coming out of the water and running around the place.

I felt very much like a foreigner in some other South American countries like Equador and Chile, so I was looking forward to seeing if the Falklands felt any different. Perhaps that's why one of my fondest memories of my visit was getting off the small tender in Port Stanley harbour to find a fucking burger van parked at the end of the pier. I knew then that I'd made it home. And yes, of course I had a 2 quid burger and a tea in a polystyrene cup.

I also had no idea of the very real tensions that still exist in the area. I went next to Ushuaia and all over the port they have signs in Spanish and English stating that they don't recognise the British occupation of the islands, they're still the Malvinas etc. I went for a lovely walk around the city with a friend who wore a Falklands Island beanie and an elderly Argentinian man came up to us and made it very clear that my friend should take her beanie off to avoid offending the locals. He even helpfully took it off her head and shoved it into her hands.

You can spend your English pounds there as well as yankee dollars (iirc). There are no cash machines but I'm sure they have ways and means of getting cold hard cash if you live on the island.

I have some pictures but they're on my other PC, I might add some a bit later.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #140 on: September 09, 2020, 02:34:51 PM »
Thanks for all that moondogs.  Mrs Nose is keen on wildlife - particularly birds and that - but she probably won't have enough time to do much and, as she's going (IF she goes) in the winter I'm guessing the days are short.

RE the "tensions" - I think they're only in the political offices these days.  I saw a documentary about the war a few years ago and there were plenty of civilians on both "sides" that didn't really seem to care one way or another, I'm guessing because it's so desolate.

moondogs

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #141 on: September 09, 2020, 03:12:12 PM »









moondogs

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #142 on: September 09, 2020, 03:17:26 PM »
Thanks for all that moondogs.  Mrs Nose is keen on wildlife - particularly birds and that - but she probably won't have enough time to do much and, as she's going (IF she goes) in the winter I'm guessing the days are short.

RE the "tensions" - I think they're only in the political offices these days.  I saw a documentary about the war a few years ago and there were plenty of civilians on both "sides" that didn't really seem to care one way or another, I'm guessing because it's so desolate.

I agree about the tensions. The actual islanders seemed like friendly people and the place feels very British, there's no issues or conflict at all amongst the people there (that I could see), it was only in parts of Argentina where you felt like it was probably best not to go around bleating about the Falklands.

It's a really unique place and it would be an adventure to live there for a while.

Blue Jam

  • Last of the great avuncular magicians
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #143 on: September 09, 2020, 03:42:47 PM »
Belize looks beautiful but any place where Saul Goodman sends his clients' enemies can't be good.

Also it's got botflies. I never want to go anywhere that has botflies. I'm not squeamish and I generally like creepy crawlies but botflies can fuck right off.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2020, 03:56:05 PM by Blue Jam »

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #144 on: September 09, 2020, 03:46:08 PM »
Thanks for the pics moondogs.  It looks...brown.


Also it's got botflies. I never want to go anywhere that has botflies. I'm not squeamish and I generally like creepy crawlies but botflies can fuck the fuck off.

Agreed.  Mrs Nose is a big fan of things like Embarrassing Bodies and Dr Pimple Popper, and she watched one on YouTube recently where a guy had one just about to come out.  Looked like he had a third nipple that had a mind of it's own (idea for Man With the Golden Gun sequel).  Grim.

Blue Jam

  • Last of the great avuncular magicians
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #145 on: September 09, 2020, 03:58:57 PM »
I once allowed my morbid curiosity to get the better of me and watched a video of a woman having about seven of the fuckers removed. I think seeing just one get popped out was enough for me. Not to mention the big fucking hole it left behind.

I'll stay up here with the wee Highland Midges, thanks.

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #146 on: September 09, 2020, 04:04:41 PM »
Belize looks beautiful but any place where Saul Goodman sends his clients' enemies can't be good.

Also it's got botflies. I never want to go anywhere that has botflies. I'm not squeamish and I generally like creepy crawlies but botflies can fuck right off.

Yeah but watching them get pulled out of animals/people gives me the most perverse pleasure and sense of shared relief. Almost worth the risk.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #147 on: September 09, 2020, 04:08:29 PM »
Yeah but watching them get pulled out of animals/people gives me the most perverse pleasure and sense of shared relief. Almost worth the risk.

That's exactly why Mrs Nose loves all that stuff.

It's odd - she can quite happily watch things like that and real operations without batting an eyelid, but when I'm watching some shit very low budget 70s Italian horror film she thinks I'm a sick weirdo.

Captain Z

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #148 on: September 09, 2020, 04:09:13 PM »
An island near Argentina, which is a hot place, that has penguins? Come off it.

South Africa has penguins.

imitationleather

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #149 on: September 09, 2020, 04:10:13 PM »
Australia has Tim Tams.

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