Author Topic: Anyone been to the Falklands?  (Read 3766 times)

buzby

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #60 on: September 07, 2020, 10:53:03 AM »
What the fuck is the point of these islands? I mean, fuck.
Lucrative fishing territories (signed over to firms from Norway, Chile and New Zealand in 2018 - TAKING BACK OUR FISHING RIGHTS, there), untapped potential oil reserves and our (now suspended) claim to a chunk of Antartica.

In the past, it was also the base for the UK's whaling fleet (see the Whalebone Arch, built using Blue Whale jawbones in 1922. The islands were also mined for guano (bird shit), which was used as fertiliser.

The armed forces do regard being posted there as punishment - prior to 1982, a 'punishment posting' in the RAF would have been to Belize or the radar stations in Benbecula or Saxa Vord. Nowadays it's RAF Mount Pleasant.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #61 on: September 07, 2020, 10:56:16 AM »
Just remembered that a bloke I worked with was there for three months after the war, fixing shit. Spent all that time living with other blokes in a shipping container.

That's your wife's hotel.

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #62 on: September 07, 2020, 10:59:56 AM »
Why is Belize such a bad posting? Sounds lovely to me.

gilbertharding

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #63 on: September 07, 2020, 11:08:21 AM »
My Great Great Grandad spent some time there getting his ship repaired after it was damaged in a gale off the Horn in 1911. I don't think he liked it much.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #64 on: September 07, 2020, 11:09:23 AM »
Can't be much worse than England. If she did go and really didn't enjoy it, would she be expected to go back the year after? Or would it be a one off? I think it would be an interesting experience as a one-off, I'd quite like to visit for a few days. If she became the Falklands liaison and had to visit for a few days every year, that might be less fun.

The islands look really beautiful from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cg-2UN0d0pI

I'd love to walk around the Falklands Islands.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #65 on: September 07, 2020, 11:13:15 AM »
Can we ask what she's going there for?

To secure that once in a lifetime career defining guano deal?

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #66 on: September 07, 2020, 11:13:38 AM »
Why is Belize such a bad posting? Sounds lovely to me.

Sounds like bellies to me (unlovely ones)

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #67 on: September 07, 2020, 11:18:42 AM »
By 2024, this will be one of the few places that the government will allow British people to holiday in. It will be an offence to travel abroad for leisure purposes punishable by one month in the G4S re-education camps and a fine of £50 4 shillings 1/4 pence.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #68 on: September 07, 2020, 11:20:55 AM »
Why is Belize such a bad posting? Sounds lovely to me.
Very hot, very very wet, and full of mosquitos and other bitey insects. Still beats the South Atlantic, imo.

buzby

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #69 on: September 07, 2020, 11:36:51 AM »
Why is Belize such a bad posting? Sounds lovely to me.
It wasn't exactly metropolitan. If all you wanted was sunbathing (when it wasn't raining), diving, getting pissed, coke and hookers (usually sex-trafficed from Guatamala and El Salvador) it was great, but there wasn't much else to do there. The camps were basically sheds in jungle clearings. Also lots of nasty tropical diseases, STDs and parasite infections.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #70 on: September 07, 2020, 11:37:08 AM »
Has anyone here been to Belize. I want to hear terror stories of giant biters and month long jungle fevers.

edit: Buzby fails to deliver the goods

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #71 on: September 07, 2020, 11:42:08 AM »
It wasn't exactly metropolitan.

I guess, but I can't help thinking if that's what you want then don't join the army.

The Mollusk

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #72 on: September 07, 2020, 11:45:52 AM »
Very hot, very very wet, and full of mosquitos and other bitey insects.

We still on about SGN’s wife?

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #73 on: September 07, 2020, 11:57:16 AM »
Also, what existential threat to the UK are we opposing by putting soldiers in Belize? They could at least go and collect some tax from Michael Ashcroft.

buzby

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #74 on: September 07, 2020, 12:05:13 PM »
Has anyone here been to Belize. I want to hear terror stories of giant biters and month long jungle fevers.
My cousin did a posting there when he was in the Army. Botfly larvae, Hookworms, Roundworms, Whipworms, Leishmaniasis (transmitted by Sandfly bites) and obviously Malaria. They used to get tarantulas in their barracks hut too.

I guess, but I can't help thinking if that's what you want then don't join the army.
I was talking about the RAF, dear boy.
Also, what existential threat to the UK are we opposing by putting soldiers in Belize? They could at least go and collect some tax from Michael Ashcroft.
We were 'asked back' in 1981 after they had declared independence as they were under threat of invasion from Guatemala.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #75 on: September 07, 2020, 12:15:35 PM »
We still on about SGN’s wife?

Definitely not - she's as dry and barren as the Falklands due to crazy pills completely killing off her libido (this is true).


Can we ask what she's going there for?

To secure that once in a lifetime career defining guano deal?

Heh.

She works for the VF Corporation (they own North Face, Dickies, Timberland etc) and her department is taking this one on from the Mexico office (who would normally cover all around there) as they're massively overworked, so this is probably just a one off as her department's main territory is Europe (including the UK) and the middle East (so they do go to worse places).  They've got some ultra long-term contract there (I'm assuming it's for civilian military personnel and/or government on the islands) to provide workwear and health and safety wear.  What they do is go over to the respective country (Falklands in this case, but it could just as easily be some dangerous war-torn place in the middle East [although they do have a specific employee who covers the middle East only - he's from Pakistan and knows the areas and the people, so he's about as "safe" as any outsider can be in some of the places over there, and he gets paid mega danger money as well obvs]) whenever they need their stuff renewed or redesigned or whatever, and they take all the samples with them and all the different bits and bobs (buttons/zips/fastenings, different materials etc etc).  I did ask why they didn't just ship all the samples over and then do a Zoom or Skype meeting, but there are so many variables the only way they can guarantee to get it right is to be there in person to explain all the differences and make sure there are absolutely no misunderstandings.  Given that both sides are operating on very tight budgets and timescales, I can understand that - a couple of thousand quid for flights and accommodation versus tens or even hundreds of thousands and a legal dispute if an order is fucked up.


I believe they also have a contract in Belize, but that would be the Mexico office again.

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #76 on: September 07, 2020, 12:45:10 PM »
invasion from Guatemala.

"We want to be independent, but not *that* independent. Oh, and all your rich people will pretend to live here to avoid tax." Nice deal if you can get it.

dr beat

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #77 on: September 07, 2020, 12:52:37 PM »
Tbf I wouldn't have been comfortable living next door to Efrain Rios Montt when he took over in '82.

kngen

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #78 on: September 07, 2020, 01:58:21 PM »
Definitely not - she's as dry and barren as the Falklands due to crazy pills completely killing off her libido (this is true).


Port Stanley Swingers Assoc. leave thread disappointed, mumbling '... maybe next year then ... '

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #79 on: September 07, 2020, 02:03:09 PM »
Port Stanley Swingers Assoc. leave thread disappointed, mumbling '... maybe next year then ... '

Presumably they're the chaps in the pic that Mollusk posted on the previous page...

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #80 on: September 07, 2020, 02:11:55 PM »
Also, what existential threat to the UK are we opposing by putting soldiers in Belize? They could at least go and collect some tax from Michael Ashcroft.
The British army seems to devote a lot of its time to training for jungle warfare, in Belize, Papua New Guinea, and elsewhere. I'm uncertain where we're planning to invade. Maybe if we run out of cobalt or diamonds it might come in handy.

Jockice

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #81 on: September 07, 2020, 02:58:26 PM »
Someone from there did work experience at the paper I worked for in the early 90s. A sort of gothy girl she was. A colleague was rather taken with her and turned up at her flat one night with wine and flowers. She told him to fuck off. I've ever seen her since the work experience and can't even remember her name.

Another top quality anecdote there. I have plenty of others too.


Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #82 on: September 07, 2020, 03:17:00 PM »
Someone from there did work experience at the paper I worked for in the early 90s. A sort of gothy girl she was. A colleague was rather taken with her and turned up at her flat one night with wine and flowers. She told him to fuck off. I've ever seen her since the work experience and can't even remember her name.

Another top quality anecdote there. I have plenty of others too.

Almost as good as my "I saw Duncan Goodhew and he said hello" anecdote.

We should write a book.

Jockice

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #83 on: September 07, 2020, 03:24:42 PM »

We should write a book.

You're the second person who has said that to me today. No chance. I want to die an enigma.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #84 on: September 07, 2020, 03:26:22 PM »
You're the second person who has said that to me today. No chance. I want to die an enigma.

Chapter 2 - That Time I Saw Someone Who Looked A Little Bit Like Kenny Rogers (but obviously wasn't)


I tell ya, we'll be beating Parky and Wogan away with sticks.

kngen

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #85 on: September 07, 2020, 04:01:18 PM »
Presumably they're the chaps in the pic that Mollusk posted on the previous page...

A man can dream ...

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #86 on: September 07, 2020, 05:24:31 PM »
The British army seems to devote a lot of its time to training for jungle warfare, in Belize, Papua New Guinea, and elsewhere. I'm uncertain where we're planning to invade. Maybe if we run out of cobalt or diamonds it might come in handy.

Perhaps they're thinking ahead for when global warming turns the UK into a lush jungle paradise, and they'll have to defend us against the hordes of people trying to get hold of our [SUBS FINISH THIS BIT]?

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #87 on: September 07, 2020, 05:38:11 PM »









Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #88 on: September 07, 2020, 05:44:49 PM »
You realise this could all be a cunning subterfuge? She's probably got a man over there.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #89 on: September 07, 2020, 05:46:17 PM »
gimp on the right

"where are the women, I was told there would be women, 8000 miles and no women...Greg?! Greg! Greg!"

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