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Anyone been to the Falklands?

Started by Shit Good Nose, September 06, 2020, 09:49:27 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Belize's capital city is the Clowne-adjacent Belmopan.

I detest humidity, creepy-crawlies and so forth but I would pick Belize every fucking day of the year over a series of treeless windswept guano-mounds and seal colonies where the only human inhabitants are inbred rabid Thatcherites and the military.


MidnightShambler

My mate was there for 6 months when he was in the Merchant Navy in the 80s. He spent most of his time off his tits on all the acid that he'd taken with him so he hasn't really got anything negative to say about it, other than it has the lowest standard of prostitute in the world apparently.

South Korea has the best, if anyone is wondering.


steve98

Quote from: MidnightShambler on September 07, 2020, 06:31:32 PM
My mate was there for 6 months when he was in the Merchant Navy in the 80s. He spent most of his time off his tits on all the acid that he'd taken with him so he hasn't really got anything negative to say about it, other than it has the lowest standard of prostitute in the world apparently.

South Korea has the best, if anyone is wondering.

Hence all the sheep-shagging.


Shit Good Nose

I don't know if judging a country by the standard of its prostitutes is a reliable and clever scale or bottom tier desolation.

MidnightShambler

Quote from: steve98 on September 07, 2020, 06:42:45 PM
Hence all the sheep-shagging.



If Rob Walker and Ian McNeice made a porno.

Pearl's away

I mostly choose lurking over participating for various reasons, but I've been to both the Falklands and Belize and this thread is slowly killing me.

Quote from: badaids on September 07, 2020, 09:18:53 AM
By the way. If you want to see the wildlife, it's like a 3 hour ride across the peat and bogs in a Land Rover, getting out to help pull it out when it gets stuck. You can't just nip and see them. It's an all day affair, normally in poor weather. And the penguins absolutely fucking stink of horrible fishy shit, you can smell them from miles away.

While this is mostly true (indeed, most of the best wildlife sites are on the smaller islands), it is possible to see Magellanic penguins and other interesting birds within walking distance of Stanley if you wander round to Yorke Bay and Gypsy Cove.  (NB Advice may be season-dependent, I was there around Christmas which is probably among the more pleasant times to be in that part of the world.)

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on September 07, 2020, 06:45:10 PM
I don't know if judging a country by the standard of its prostitutes is a reliable and clever scale or bottom tier desolation.

Depends if the person telling you has a yacht or not I suppose.

badaids

Quote from: buzby on September 07, 2020, 10:53:03 AM
Lucrative fishing territories (signed over to firms from Norway, Chile and New Zealand in 2018 - TAKING BACK OUR FISHING RIGHTS, there), untapped potential oil reserves and our (now suspended) claim to a chunk of Antartica.

In the past, it was also the base for the UK's whaling fleet (see the Whalebone Arch, built using Blue Whale jawbones in 1922. The islands were also mined for guano (bird shit), which was used as fertiliser.

The armed forces do regard being posted there as punishment - prior to 1982, a 'punishment posting' in the RAF would have been to Belize or the radar stations in Benbecula or Saxa Vord. Nowadays it's RAF Mount Pleasant.

It's not a punishment posting in the RAF any more, but it is certainly a posting that no one wants. Most postings are 6 months, sometimes 12 months. Most people who accept to go down there are doing it as a bargaining chip for something else: a cushy subsequent posting, the chance of promotion

Shoulders?-Stomach!

But when they return their brains are paté and they have become financially tied to 3 illegitimate dependents.


gib

Quote from: Mr Farenheit on September 07, 2020, 05:38:11 PM


laughed, mostly at his accent which you somehow conveyed brilliantly

even though i have no idea what Falkland folk actually sound like

PS if any Cabbers present or future are from the Falklands i would like to reassure you that we are not punching down because that kind of thing was bad in our era, it's just your pub looks shit

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quote from: Pearl's away on September 07, 2020, 09:05:47 PM
I mostly choose lurking over participating for various reasons, but I've been to both the Falklands and Belize and this thread is slowly killing me.

While this is mostly true (indeed, most of the best wildlife sites are on the smaller islands), it is possible to see Magellanic penguins and other interesting birds within walking distance of Stanley if you wander round to Yorke Bay and Gypsy Cove.  (NB Advice may be season-dependent, I was there around Christmas which is probably among the more pleasant times to be in that part of the world.)

How are the prostitutes?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

On our roster tonight (featuring beers from local Islas Malvinas Craft Brewery):

Barren Island IPA
Bleaker Island DIPA
Foam Creek Bitter
Flat Stanley Lager
Carcass Island Pale
Foul Bay (Guano Sour)
Elephant Jason (Stout)
Predatory Paedophile Porter
Shivering Penguin Imperial Stout
Treeless World's End Coven of Gammon Brut IPA
Andrew's Bane (Henbane, Buckshot & Kelp Gose)
Thatcher's Cider
Carling



Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Apparently the Indian takeaway in Port Stanley is called Argie Bhaji.

The Mollusk

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on September 07, 2020, 10:57:40 PM
Apparently the Indian takeaway in Port Stanley is called Argie Bhaji.

I bet they do the accent

Gambrinus

I'd go like a shot if it was offered to me, although going just for 2-3 days seems a bit odd. I love bleak places at the end of the line, although living there permanently would be a bit much. Maybe a month of peace and quiet with heaps of books and some penguins to look at.

I'd love to have a crack at this one day but at £5500 it's a bit too much. And it would use up a vast chunk of holiday allowance. https://www.falklandsultra.com/enter

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: dr beat on September 07, 2020, 12:52:37 PM
I wouldn't have been comfortable living next door to Efrain Rios Montt when he took over in '82.

Smokie consider rewrite.

canadagoose

I'd like to visit, but I probably never will, because it'll cost too much. I'm weirdly attracted to cold, isolated places, like Nunavut, Svalbard, Finnmark, etc. Although the Falklands is more like permanent autumn in Aberdeen, from what I've read. I don't know if I could live there. Imagine the gossip. Small town on steroids, I'll bet.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Do actual, real people, not just members of the military forces who've pissed off their bosses and been sent there as punishment, a La military forces versions of Father Ted and his mates on Craggy Island, live there, then? Not just penguins and sheep, but real people? Really?

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Gambrinus on September 07, 2020, 11:08:15 PM
I'd go like a shot if it was offered to me, although going just for 2-3 days seems a bit odd.

It's for work only - it's not a holiday or even a work "jolly".

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on September 07, 2020, 11:27:06 PM
Do actual, real people, not just members of the military forces who've pissed off their bosses and been sent there as punishment, a La military forces versions of Father Ted and his mates on Craggy Island, live there, then? Not just penguins and sheep, but real people? Really?

I'm sure some religious nutters and the odd middle aged couple who have spent their inheritance on 'an idea'.

Pseudopath

I know a guy from the Falklands who felt really guilty for sleeping with his third cousin. So he promised himself that he'd stop keeping count.

ZoyzaSorris

I'd love to go to Belize too.rainforests, coral reefs and cocaine, the three best things in the world.  I've been parasitised by botfly larvae before and it doesn't put me off.

Uncle TechTip

Quote from: canadagoose on September 07, 2020, 11:22:31 PM
I'd like to visit, but I probably never will, because it'll cost too much. I'm weirdly attracted to cold, isolated places, like Nunavut, Svalbard, Finnmark, etc. Although the Falklands is more like permanent autumn in Aberdeen, from what I've read. I don't know if I could live there. Imagine the gossip. Small town on steroids, I'll bet.

Dave's been in a punch up in the single fucking hut that serves as a pub on this godforsaken shitheap again.

Danger Man

Quote from: Pseudopath on September 07, 2020, 11:53:32 PM
I know a guy from the Falklands who felt really guilty for sleeping with his third cousin. So he promised himself that he'd stop keeping count.

WAHEY!!!!!

Danger Man

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on September 07, 2020, 11:30:22 PM
It's for work only - it's not a holiday or even a work "jolly".

Odd coincidence.....the next door neighbour who you can hear through your thin walls is going over at the same time to do some work in Goose Green.

YOU BIG CUCK


Sebastian Cobb

Try not to get caught having a shit under the Maggie bust. So that's one more for the list

greenman

Have it occurred to you Nose than you married a disguised penguin and this is an escape plot?