Author Topic: Anyone been to the Falklands?  (Read 5343 times)

Shit Good Nose

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Anyone been to the Falklands?
« on: September 06, 2020, 09:49:27 PM »
Mrs Nose might be going (we don't know exactly where yet, but it'll probs be one of the main towns) for a week next year with work as the woman who was supposed to be going has handed in her notice and Mrs Nose is the only other person there that knows enough about that particular aspect of the work.  She's hoping they'll get someone else in before then as she's not overly keen on the idea of going based on the image that most of us have of it being a barren, brown and grey, wet and windy isolated island (home away from home then, b'boom) and isn't the best flier either (I think it's three separate flights, with the last one being in a little twin prop).

Once all the traveling is factored in, I'm guessing she'll only actually be there for two or three days and won't have the time or inclination to be going out and doing anything, but I just wondered what sort of social life they have over there.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2020, 09:56:48 PM »
All swingers mate/.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2020, 09:58:08 PM »
As long as it's not an orgy on a canal boat.

imitationleather

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2020, 10:00:37 PM »
UKIP Island

Sherringford Hovis

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2020, 10:06:07 PM »
While she's there, to endear herself to the indigenous 'Bennies' she must remember to refer to the islands as 'Las Malvinas' at every possible juncture.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2020, 10:07:56 PM »
While she's there, to endear herself to the indigenous 'Bennies' she must remember to refer to the islands as 'Las Malvinas' at every possible juncture.

Obvs.  I've also told her to make sure she refers to some locals as kelpers, and make sure they all hear her say it.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2020, 10:18:16 PM »
They're are all sheep-shaggers. Windswept, barren and uninteresting sheep-shaggers.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2020, 10:19:32 PM »
UKIP Island

They're are all sheep-shaggers. Windswept, barren and uninteresting sheep-shaggers.

Look, I can only use the "home away from home" joke so many times...

Beagle 2

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2020, 10:20:24 PM »
My stepdad worked over there to help with the rebuilding after the war. His photographs are some of the most depressing I have ever seen. There is an occasional puffin or some shit.

Tony Tony Tony

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2020, 10:22:22 PM »
Never been and never wanted to, but found this candid review from a forces website by someone station there some years ago

Quote
   He said that the Falklands was by far the WORST posting he’d had. He said the base facilities there were claustrophobic and that without military discipline; he thinks they’d have all gone mad. He said that the climate there was miserable and that there was barely anything to do when off-duty. And he said that the locals were absolute backwards-thinking, unfriendly, and narrow-minded troglodytes and that all the local women were frumpy and looked like men (and they all looked inbred). He told me that anyone who could get stationed anywhere else jumped at the opportunity to get away from the place. He also told me that a couple of his colleagues had also been stationed in Belize and had told him that even that was far better than the Falklands.

He joked that he now wonders why they didn't just let Argentina have the place.

And yes; I know that this was a long time ago now. But from what I’ve overwhelmingly heard; not much ever changes in the Falkland Islands.

Sounds like Mrs Nose is in for a rip roaring trip.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2020, 10:22:44 PM »
My stepdad worked over there to help with the rebuilding after the war. His photographs are some of the most depressing I have ever seen. There is an occasional puffin or some shit.

Has it not moved on since 1982 then?

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #11 on: September 06, 2020, 10:24:40 PM »
Never been and never wanted to, but found this candid review from a forces website by someone station there some years ago

From what (little) I know about it, I think most Argentinians probably don't want it either.


Am I right in thinking it's something like 98% Brits?


Quote
Sounds like Mrs Nose is in for a rip roaring trip.

She REALLY doesn't want to go (although it is mainly the flights putting her off).

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2020, 10:27:01 PM »
You might aswell goto Dartmoor.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2020, 10:29:31 PM »
i go there every year to fuck are british penguins

Beagle 2

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2020, 10:45:22 PM »
Has it not moved on since 1982 then?

Have any of us? Come on man, Joan Jett's never going to shag you.

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #15 on: September 06, 2020, 10:59:31 PM »
One of the islands is, presumably with tongue in cheek, named Lively Island. A possibly worse lie occurs than this, with Pleasant Island.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #16 on: September 06, 2020, 11:01:09 PM »
Is there a Hair Island?

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #17 on: September 06, 2020, 11:01:50 PM »
Bleaker Island. Imagine how fucked up that place is.

Barren Island, not really helping there.

Buelligan

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #18 on: September 06, 2020, 11:07:01 PM »
Lots of penguins and electronics experts.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #19 on: September 06, 2020, 11:15:04 PM »
Bleaker Island. Imagine how fucked up that place is.

Barren Island, not really helping there.

Nothing but idunnosomename's British penguins walking around their garden to raise money for Prince Andrew.

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2020, 11:25:28 PM »
penguins walking around their garden to raise money for Prince Andrew.

Fantastic, I laughed

Uncle TechTip

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2020, 11:34:59 PM »
What the fuck is the point of these islands? I mean, fuck.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2020, 11:37:35 PM »
come on pingu!

Uncle TechTip

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2020, 11:42:42 PM »
The reviews of "restaurants" on Google Maps are a blast. (Translated) Delicious potatoes. You must be bad to get a poor review in the Falkland fucking Islands.

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2020, 11:44:13 PM »
The reviews of "restaurants" on Google Maps is a blast. (Translated) Delicious potatoes. You must be bad to get a poor review in the Falkland fucking Islands.

I gather they're big on lamb stews and hotpots, which is one thing that Mrs Nose will be more than happy with.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2020, 11:45:18 PM »
I think Stanley is the only town really, isn’t it?

I like the look of Elephant Jason Island - it seems to be shaped like an elephant. Only about 3 miles long or something though, so the novelty would quickly wear off. Definitely in my top 3 Jason Islands though, along with Flat Jason Island and Steeple Jason Island.

Carcass Island looks a bit bigger, and has a settlement called Carcass, which gives me a bad feeling.

Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2020, 11:46:54 PM »
Quote
The islands have two weekly newspapers: Teaberry Express and The Penguin News,

Shit Good Nose

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #27 on: September 06, 2020, 11:51:21 PM »
I think Stanley is the only town really, isn’t it?

I like the look of Elephant Jason Island - it seems to be shaped like an elephant. Only about 3 miles long or something though, so the novelty would quickly wear off. Definitely in my top 3 Jason Islands though, along with Flat Jason Island and Steeple Jason Island.

Carcass Island looks a bit bigger, and has a settlement called Carcass, which gives me a bad feeling.

Stanley's the largest, but I'm pretty sure there are a few other "main" towns.  Main in quotes there as I'm making an assumption that even Stanley is little more than an equivalent size to a large village in England.

I further assume that the inhabitants of the Jason Islands are all called Jason.  Even the women.

Sin Agog

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #28 on: September 06, 2020, 11:58:48 PM »
I hate the Falklands.  Every time you think a conversation's over, they have to go and ask just one more question.

Tony Tony Tony

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Re: Anyone been to the Falklands?
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2020, 12:08:28 AM »
Reckon the lesson here is that after twenty odd posts no one but no one actually seems to have been to the Falklands.

Or more importantly has come back.

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