New Lockdown Rules laid down by LOCKMASTER JOHN (Read: these apply to you now)

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Also fuck the guidelines. I make my own guidelines and they are far stricter than they need to be

WE WILL NO LONGER BE ACCEPTING THE PONCE RULES OF BOZO's WEAK AND DISINTEGRATING GOVERNMENT says Lockmaster John

New replacement rules have been laid down with an iron fucking fist deeper and heavier than any government could ever dream of

Read and obey or feel the smite of MARTIAL BASTARD LAW, around the North Lincolnshire coastal area

- NAE WIPING ARSE - After bog just leave. NAE WIPING - DYER WANNA DIE - LOOK AT ME - DYER WANNA DIE?
- NAE GREETINGS CARDS - Say whatever it is in person now - NO SPACE IN SOCIETY LEFT
- NAE PISS ARSING ABOUT - I've been sat here watching it and frankly I've had it up to here
- NAE CAMPING - Fully out and gone for good. Don't want to see it. Enough.
- NAE FROTTING - I sees you all with your sleeping bags, don't try and tell me otherwise, fully onto it
- NAE HAVING IT OFF - You aren't on holiday now lad
- NAE MUTUAL MASTURBATION - Sickening
- NAE HAVING RIDE ON DONKEY - Fucking leave the cunt out of it - if we see you anywhere near it, we'll shoot it
- NAE TABLET - I'll have that thing in the sea as fast as you can swipe right. Step 1) confiscation Step 2) batter ye round heid 3) sea: I AM NOT KIDDING ON
- NAE LOITERING ROUND WI CIDER ON BENCH - Are you reading to get attacked with actual bleach
- NAE HALF INCHING - We're up to our necks here lad - PLAYING AT????? PLAYING AT?????!!??!?!?!?
- NAE SHARING - "Oh don't worry I have plasters, have mine", Do you fucking fuck mate - I see it, I'll make the wound worse and light up the plaster in front of your bleeding face
- NAE MENTIONING ANYONE I HATE - Which is fucking everyone
- NAE LECTURES - I'll give the lectures now thanks professor
- NAE COLLECTING FOOD WHEN ITS NAE YOUR TURN - If I shout 54 and you are nae number 54 come to take someone's food I will smash a toaster on your neck
- NAE SKIN DISEASES - Can't you leave it a few months, there's stuff on and all you give me every day is sores this and badly bleeding raw skin that. THERE'S PEOPLE DYING HERE!!!!
- NAE AIDs - Need I say more? Yes.
- NAE PROPHYLACTICS - NAE JOHNNIES - NAE DENTAL DAMS - NAE STEEL CONTRAPTIONS - NAE PILL - NAE IMPLANT - Rule fucking #1
- NAE READING - Pages, fingers, you're already seeing the inherent hygiene hazard there, well don't worry BECAUSE IT'S BEEN FUCKING BANNED NOW
- NAE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES - who do you think you are
- NAE AUTOMATIC DOOR SENSORS - Open a fucking door yourself now - finally the chance to get society reordered for good
- NAE SUNHAT - Suffering is an inherent part of life
- NAE SUNSCREEN - Self-explanatory given the above
- NAE ROBSON & JEROME - Come near me with any element of their discography and you will be sent to farm shit in Saturn's gas cunt
- NAE INDISTINCT GENDER ORIENTATIONS until March 2021 - I am yet to complete Equality & Diversity training
- NAE ELECTRICITY - No coincidence this all came along PARALLEL TO THE INVENTION OF ELECTRICITY
- NAE WHINGING ABOUT THE ABOVE RULES - A New Clear Era with CLEARLY DEFINED AND RUTHLESSLY APPLIED LAWS WHICH CANNOT BE CONTRAVENED if I see them happening near me in the North Lincolnshire coastal area


What other rules should be applied by Lockmaster John as he patrols the North Lincolnshire coastal area?

[Goldentony]

-THAR'LL BE NAE FUCKIN' SHAGGIN' FOR A START THIS IS A HOLIDAY FUCKIN CAMOP FAMLESS, KIDS, DOGS, NO SHAGGIN, PENALTY - TURFED OUT, SHOT

-NAE POT GET FUCKED, NAE CHANCE, NONE

[Goldentony]

-MINE YERSEN KIN LOOK THE KINELL OUT YOU TIT, FUCK PONDS, RUBBISH, FUCK KNOWS SON, UNKNOWN

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

NAE POT is a given, an absolute given, couldn't find anything more of a given in the history of penal code

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

KIDS HERE is also an enshrined rule, as there's kids here, so you want to be watching yersel tight as a new button with KIDS HERE around the place

[Goldentony]

-DONT YOU LISTEN TO MY FUCKIN SON HE DOESNT RUN THIS PLACE I DOOOO - you listen to me and me only this is my land through generations of BLOOD and SHIT and CRIMES and if you think a little no arse like him has any authority over me here i'll both of you the twattin door

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

NAE CARDS - Real money only, if I see you using CARDS that's as good as half-inching. You can't pay for owt with air, been saying it for years