Author Topic: CAB sex tips  (Read 713 times)

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #30 on: September 11, 2020, 01:33:22 AM »
30. Ensure that the Fleshlight™ is warmed and fully lubricated prior to insertion.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #31 on: September 11, 2020, 02:16:24 AM »
31. Odd numbers should stay odd, even numbers should stay even.

hamfist

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #32 on: September 11, 2020, 08:47:25 AM »
32. You can use food-bag clips for dunting instead of shelling out on dunting clamps

Butchers Blind

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #33 on: September 11, 2020, 09:47:45 AM »
33.  Check the opening times of your local semen recycling centre beforehand

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #34 on: September 11, 2020, 10:05:06 AM »
34. Use AutoGlym High Definition Wax to polish your mons pubis back up to factory condition.

Dannyhood91

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #35 on: September 11, 2020, 10:52:07 AM »
35. Inform your partner you’re going to cum by saying “emergency bollard incoming”

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #36 on: September 11, 2020, 10:57:05 AM »
36. If you are sponsored to have sex, ensure you inform your partner beforehand. Otherwise it might be a weird experience when you should "Brought to you by Aaaaasssssddddaaa" at the moment your orgasm.

37. "Commentary sex", where you hire someone to stand near wherever you have sex and record a live commentary, is becoming more popular. "...she says bend over...he is now"

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #37 on: September 11, 2020, 12:16:59 PM »
36. If you are sponsored to have sex, ensure you inform your partner beforehand. Otherwise it might be a weird experience when you should "Brought to you by Aaaaasssssddddaaa" at the moment your orgasm.

36b. And please, please do not forget to slap your own arse twice while jingling a sock full of coins during the vinegar strokes.

Butchers Blind

  • I don't want the undertaker stealing my sins
Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #38 on: September 11, 2020, 12:24:43 PM »
38.  Avoid premature ejaculation by remembering that time when you were 10 and found those homemade polaroids your parents made.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #39 on: September 11, 2020, 01:55:20 PM »
39. Remember to apologize afterwards.

Gradual Decline

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #40 on: September 11, 2020, 02:21:19 PM »
40. Make sure you've flipped your PSU's switch into the 'On' position.

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #41 on: September 11, 2020, 02:22:11 PM »
41. As long as your balls don't touch, it's not gay.

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #42 on: September 11, 2020, 02:24:37 PM »
42. Do not attempt any sexual position that is also a vehicle (the "helicopter", the "cruise ship", the "bin lorry").

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #43 on: September 11, 2020, 02:40:08 PM »
43. As a tax payer, you're entitled to have sex in the public areas of any government building.

44. If you haven't had sex in a public building during the last tax year, you may be entitled to a partial refund. Go to https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/hm-revenue-customs/no-fuck-rebate to find out more.

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #44 on: September 11, 2020, 03:59:57 PM »
45. Under absolutely no circumstances should you take your socks off.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #45 on: September 11, 2020, 04:13:57 PM »
45. Under absolutely no circumstances should you take your socks off.

Yes.

Sockless sex is just not the British way. Up until the 1970s, men always kept their hats on during sex as well. If your hat fell off, you had to stop and put it back on.

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #46 on: September 11, 2020, 04:17:39 PM »
Quite. There's no need for this great nation to slide into degeneracy.

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #47 on: September 11, 2020, 05:04:31 PM »
46. Remember to file your Sex Return with the Office for National Statistics, scoring your own and your partner’s performance out of 100. If you consistently fall below the minimum tolerable standard, it may require the intervention of the Sex Ombudsman.

Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #48 on: September 11, 2020, 05:51:45 PM »
47. Why not stick a cheeky finger up their arse?

ollyboro

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Re: CAB sex tips
« Reply #49 on: September 11, 2020, 08:33:17 PM »
It's not just incisors that can snag a banjo string. Milk teeth can too.

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