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March 29, 2024, 08:44:44 AM

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CAB sex tips

Started by Fambo Number Mive, September 08, 2020, 09:15:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

30. Ensure that the Fleshlight™ is warmed and fully lubricated prior to insertion.

Ferris

31. Odd numbers should stay odd, even numbers should stay even.

hamfist

32. You can use food-bag clips for dunting instead of shelling out on dunting clamps

Butchers Blind

33.  Check the opening times of your local semen recycling centre beforehand

34. Use AutoGlym High Definition Wax to polish your mons pubis back up to factory condition.

Dannyhood91

35. Inform your partner you're going to cum by saying "emergency bollard incoming"

Fambo Number Mive

36. If you are sponsored to have sex, ensure you inform your partner beforehand. Otherwise it might be a weird experience when you should "Brought to you by Aaaaasssssddddaaa" at the moment your orgasm.

37. "Commentary sex", where you hire someone to stand near wherever you have sex and record a live commentary, is becoming more popular. "...she says bend over...he is now"

frajer

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on September 11, 2020, 10:57:05 AM
36. If you are sponsored to have sex, ensure you inform your partner beforehand. Otherwise it might be a weird experience when you should "Brought to you by Aaaaasssssddddaaa" at the moment your orgasm.

36b. And please, please do not forget to slap your own arse twice while jingling a sock full of coins during the vinegar strokes.

Butchers Blind

38.  Avoid premature ejaculation by remembering that time when you were 10 and found those homemade polaroids your parents made.

Ferris

39. Remember to apologize afterwards.

Gradual Decline

40. Make sure you've flipped your PSU's switch into the 'On' position.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

41. As long as your balls don't touch, it's not gay.

frajer

42. Do not attempt any sexual position that is also a vehicle (the "helicopter", the "cruise ship", the "bin lorry").

43. As a tax payer, you're entitled to have sex in the public areas of any government building.

44. If you haven't had sex in a public building during the last tax year, you may be entitled to a partial refund. Go to https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/hm-revenue-customs/no-fuck-rebate to find out more.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

45. Under absolutely no circumstances should you take your socks off.

Fambo Number Mive

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on September 11, 2020, 03:59:57 PM
45. Under absolutely no circumstances should you take your socks off.

Yes.

Sockless sex is just not the British way. Up until the 1970s, men always kept their hats on during sex as well. If your hat fell off, you had to stop and put it back on.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quite. There's no need for this great nation to slide into degeneracy.

46. Remember to file your Sex Return with the Office for National Statistics, scoring your own and your partner's performance out of 100. If you consistently fall below the minimum tolerable standard, it may require the intervention of the Sex Ombudsman.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

47. Why not stick a cheeky finger up their arse?

ollyboro

It's not just incisors that can snag a banjo string. Milk teeth can too.