FUCK CHRISTMAS

[imitationleather]

Happy Socks are doing an advent calendar for £125. Fucking oof.

[Ferris]

Imagine having pork scratchings, cheese and port on the go at the same time.

"I'll have the gout special, please"

[Captain Crunch]

A couple of years ago my friend from work made his wife a jewellery advent calendar.  Jewellery.  Advent.  Calendar. 

[Sebastian Cobb]

Was he a jeweller?

[Sebastian Cobb]

"I'll have the gout special, please"

It's the journey not the destination.

[Ferris]

It's the journey not the destination.

Don't get me wrong I'd enthusiastically buy a ticket for the Statins Express but I'd be under no illusion where the train terminates.

[Blue Jam]

A couple of years ago my friend from work made his wife a jewellery advent calendar.  Jewellery.  Advent.  Calendar.

That's lovely, you great big humbug.

[Blue Jam]

Happy Socks are doing an advent calendar for £125. Fucking oof.

I know socks are a popular joke Christmas present but £125 is a joke too far.

I think my dream advent calendar would be a dog advent calendar. Made from a big stack of 24 kennels.

[Sebastian Cobb]

eggvent calendar.

mmm, quail today!

[Blue Jam]

egginafuckingchip on the 24th

[Replies From View]

Egginasockonarope



(a wank sock)

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I think my dream advent calendar would be a dog advent calendar. Made from a big stack of 24 kennels.

A dog is for life, not just for the 24 days before Christmas.

[JamesTC]

Saw an advert for Pepsi Max telling people to get ready for Christmax.

All the joy of Baby Jesus. Zero added sugar.

[idunnosomename]

I;d like an advent calendar with a pint behind every window. so i could pour it on my cereal.

dont worry readers, I wake up at 5pm every day so its ok

[Sebastian Cobb]

Saw an advert for Pepsi Max telling people to get ready for Christmax.

All the joy of Baby Jesus. Zero added sugar.

They're going to have to try harder than that to beat the coke lorry.

[wooders1978]

My mum got my brother a posh fortnum and mason "tea bag" advent calendar - I don't drink tea so I got the square root of fuck all. Christmas ruined

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Story in The Scum today saying there's gonna be some kind of Christmas relaxation between 23rd and 28th December, so we can all see our families, who we hate, and get locked down again in January.

THANK YOU THE PEOPLE'S BORIS

[Norton Canes]

Bollocks to that, I don't want a relaxation at Christmas, COVID is the best reason there's been in years to tell people to leave us alone on Christmas Day. I want a relaxation in the fortnight leading up to it, so we can hit the pubs.

[imitationleather]

I'm really learning how much of a fuck some of the cunts in this country give about Christmas.

[Norton Canes]

I love Christmas. But 90% of the enjoyment is in the run-up, the anticipation. The excitement of counting down the days. The socialising and partying, the shopping, the preparation. Christmas is nothing without all that.

[Big Mclargehuge]

Personally; one of the biggest things I've HATED about Christmas in the past is the obliged fun. in the 2 weeks that occupy the Christmas period  I spend the week leading up to christmas being dragged up and down the country being forced to see relatives on both sides of the family i'd really rather not while also being forced into various, cleaning, sorting and organizing jobs for family members too...it's incredibly stressful and I feel like I waste the first 7 days or so of my time.

The week immediately after christmas, Im dragged BACK out to all of these family members homes for various partys and buffets. which...if I didnt want to do it the first time, why on EARTH would I want to do it again. Unfortunately every time I tell people I dont want to do this. they play the "Well; you'll ruin christmas for all of us then" card. so im kind of stuck until the oldest members of my family die.

So the pandemics been a total blessing for me this year. I've made it clear im not going anywhere or doing anything. and they cant say shit to me about it. So im pretty much just going to relax, drink, eat my body weight in special cheese and do everything I could possibly want to, when I want to.

[MojoJojo]

So im pretty much just going to relax, drink, eat my body weight in special cheese and do everything I could possibly want to, when I want to.

Yeah that's fine mate, just no kids this time yeah?

[Icehaven]

Greggs do an advent calendar (with vouchers in, not actual food you idiot) and my colleague queues up at stupid o'clock in the morning every year on the day they go on sale to secure one for her adult son. This is not a joke or an exaggeration. Apparently they're in great demand and you have to reserve them and everything, so she makes sure she gets down there first thing to get it as I remember her being livid one year when although she'd reserved one, the staff claimed they hadn't been sent enough to fulfil the reservation list so they missed out. She was convinced the staff had squirreled some away for themselves to sell on ebay or give to family, as if receiving a bunch of Greggs vouchers from a Greggs employee is any present at all. 

[poo]

everthing crossed for cancelled Christmas

[jobotic]

On the World at One earlier Dr Katherine Henderson, president of the Royal College of Emergency Medicine, said she was "incredibly anxious" about what would happen if there was too much mixing at Christmas. She said that in areas with high levels of coronavirus emergency departments were already crowded, and the situation could get worse if people were to "take the breaks off".

She told the programme:

I'm incredibly anxious. I think until we see community transmission rates much further down, I think it's really difficult to say we should be doing this [opening up significantly for Christmas].

It's a date in the month. I know it's culturally important, but so are other dates in other people's calendars ...

If Covid cases become hospital admissions, and then sadly go on to be deaths, we will regret a Christmas season that's given Granny Covid for Christmas, as opposed to let's work our way, step by step, through a rational, controlled plan to come out the other side of this, when we've got a vaccine, into spring and we can actually start having a much more normal society.

Rational? No chance love.

Gotta have those BO HO HO headlines with Johnson in a cartoon Santa hat giving out death presents

[Cuntbeaks]

Fuck The Christmas Cunts.

The cunts in chargw were happy to cancel Eid, the day before it happened, because Covid and subtle racism. Now, the very thought of cancelling Christmas is making people's shit curdle.

Cunts, they're all fucking cunts.

[JamesTC]

Christmas is saved and a disproportionate number of foreign people will be negatively impacted. It is a Brexmas miracle.

[bgmnts]

To be fair, we can't really compare Christmas with Eid and Diwali. Christmas isn't a religious festival is it? It's THE ECONOMY!!

[Cuntbeaks]

To be fair, we can't really compare Christmas with Eid and Diwali. Christmas isn't a religious festival is it? It's THE ECONOMY!!

Very true.

This obviously magnifies the cuntageness by a factor of 100.

[BlodwynPig]

everthing crossed for cancelled Christmas

I was in a meeting discussing this today. Obvs I cannot reveal the outcome*

*outcome not decided yet