Author Topic: Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates  (Read 391 times)

Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates
« on: September 10, 2020, 09:08:49 PM »
MYSTERY OF THE STEAMHAMMER WITH GUNS ON IT

Ordered a steamhammer replacement for the floor to get stuff out faster and it turned up with a big gun on it, both sides, two guns, stereo, why the fuck has this happened?

LETS HAVE A LOOK, TWO GUNS HERE, MAD

[sets them off for two minutes accidentally]

SORRY LADS, GUNS WENT OFF, EVERYONE SHOT TO DEATH YEAH? RIGHT, LISTEN, NOT SOLVING THIS, EVERYONES DEAD, NO POINT IS THERE

trips over bag

FUCK OFF

Re: Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2020, 04:19:59 AM »
phone goes out

HELLO TONK BOLLFUCKER

tonk hello listen I can suck my own knob tip, it feels shameful

GET OFF THE PHONE DONT CALL HERE AGAIN, NUTTER

puts phone down

NUTTER, AGAIN

empty office, echoes

FUCKIN NUTTERS AGAIN

IM OFF FOR A FUCKING SHITE, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH YOU FUCKING I HATE YOU FUCKING FUCIN BASTARD JAMIE

Re: Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2020, 05:16:10 PM »
your posts always make my day tony, brilliantly deranged stuff as usual

Re: Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2020, 03:12:29 AM »
HOWDY SON, TONK BOLLOCKFUCKER, I DONT WORK HERE BUT I DO GIVE ADVICE OUT TO PEOPLE WHEN WORKS ON ITS ARSE, YOU DONT PUT THEM POTATOES IN THE FRIDGE WHEN YOU GET HOME NOW, THEY'LL FUCKING GO WEIRD

Thanks but I know that, i've been buying potatoes for ages

GIVING ME LIP IS IT, TWAT, GET THIS TWAT OUT, TWAT ALERT

oh my god what are you doing

IT'S A TWAT, THERE'S A TWAT ON THE LOOSE, YOU, WOMAN, THERE, LOOK, TWAT HERE, TWAT ABOUT, AHHHHH YOU FUCKERS GET OFF ME IM OUT OF WORK THIS IS ALLOWED NOOOOO


famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2020, 03:34:50 AM »
RING RING

Hello, Mr Bollack... fucker? I got your number from Bart Bishop at The Jollys, he said you might have some information about a missing laburnum unguent or salve?

Glebe

  • Please beware as there is a draclea on the loose.
Re: Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2020, 01:44:05 PM »
Bollockfucker is one of the great investigators. Perry Mason, Columbo, Quincy, forget it.

Re: Tonk Bollockfucker Investigates
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2020, 02:14:42 AM »
RING RING

Hello, Mr Bollack... fucker? I got your number from Bart Bishop at The Jollys, he said you might have some information about a missing laburnum unguent or salve?

AH FINALLY A RELEVANT CALL, DO YOU NEED YOUR GOUT CURED

yes but all the salve is fucking missing sadly, some cunt took it

AH I DONT WORK WITH SWEARERS, BEHAVE YOURSELF MATE, GOD IS WATCHING

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