There’s a rat in my kitchen

[JarrowMonkey]

No, not that rank song from 25 piece brummie band UB40, but the four legged kind

ill set the scene

there's a small alcove in the kitchen were I keeps a few bits and pieces, including dried stuff like pasta, cereal, bottles of beer and stuff like that

On Wednesday day I could an odd noise coming from the kitchen, but just that it was the heating coming on, it's a fucking cold house I live in

I realised it wasn't the heating an realised it was a creature, but pappered my pants and thought better of pulling stuff out

called in the pest control people and after an investigation it looks like it's got in from an air brick, so she laid traps and poison, anyway, yesterday I heard one go off, and thought jack pot, it's dead, but no, the fucker is still active, I heard it scratting about again last night and this afternoon

I'm covering the air bricks with mesh and hopefully it wail take the bait or get mullered by the trap

Cost for the rat catcher, 80 quid down, 80 quid when they come back

to be honest, I wish I could hire a cat

[Zetetic]

I'm fairly sure that the UB40 song is also about the four-legged kind.

85% sure?

[JarrowMonkey]

I think UB40's was allegorical, or something

Anyway, I still want to hire a cat, for a week, good money, bed and board included

[bgmnts]

Hope ratty makes it!

[ollyboro]

Get a particularly possessive and cruel Jack Russell. The bastard won't rest until he's shredded the little cunt. Failing that, give Astro a call and ask how he fixed the rat in his kitchen.

[Shit Good Nose]

Anyway, I still want to hire a cat, for a week, good money, bed and board included

Not all cats are good rat catchers though.  To guarantee cat-rat success you'll want a stray, a farm cat or one "trained" (as much as cats can be trained) to catch rats.  Otherwise you're much better off with the trap and/or poison.

[touchingcloth]

You could an what with the noise?

[ollyboro]

Hire a Bassett Hound. See if he can do the bizzo.

[JarrowMonkey]

If a dog could vote, I reckon a Bassett hound would vote Tory

[Menu]

I'm so old I remember the days when every discussion on this site wasn't someone boasting about harming a defenceless animal.

[ollyboro]

Rats aren't defenceless. They're armed with Plague. And teeth.

[JarrowMonkey]

I'm so old I remember the days when every discussion on this site wasn't someone boasting about harming a defenceless animal.

Ask Gary

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06jqk3g

[Zetetic]

When you say your kitchen, how would you characterise your tenure?

[JarrowMonkey]

When you say your kitchen, how would you characterise your tenure?

Dunno, is it my kitchen if I rent?

[Zetetic]

All the more so, I would say.

[bgmnts]

Nah its your landlord's. To them, YOU'RE the rat aahhhh

[Cerys]

Dunno, is it my kitchen if I rent?

Only on alternate Thursdays.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I'm so old I remember the days when every discussion on this site wasn't someone boasting about harming a defenceless animal.

I punched a sheep once. Bastard.

[Shit Good Nose]

I punched a sheep once. Bastard.

I once freed one that got its head stuck in a fence, so we off-set each other there and put the universal karma back to zero. 

So what we've got to hope is that whilst JarrowMonkey is clubbing a rat to death, someone on the other side of the world is saving one from a bucket of cold water.


JarrowMonkey - if the rat chews through an electric cable (which they often do) then it will do itself in.  Cleanup will be quite a task though...

[Menu]

I once freed one that got is head stuck in a fence, so we off-set each other there and put the universal karma back to zero. 

So what we've got to hope is that whilst JarrowMonkey is clubbing a rat to death, someone on the other side of the world is saving one from a bucket of cold water.

Kevin the Gerbil thwarted again.

[JarrowMonkey]

I once freed one that got its head stuck in a fence, so we off-set each other there and put the universal karma back to zero. 

So what we've got to hope is that whilst JarrowMonkey is clubbing a rat to death, someone on the other side of the world is saving one from a bucket of cold water.


JarrowMonkey - if the rat chews through an electric cable (which they often do) then it will do itself in.  Cleanup will be quite a task though...

Didn't the Viz do a Cockney Wanker mouse based strip once....

[paruses]

Try to keep the kitchen free of any food. This is what is attracting them.

[Marner and Me]

Saute or fricassee?

[BlodwynPig]

Animal killers are worse than climate change deniers. The rat should set a human trap.

[petril]

find out which of your friends and family should be ditched by mentioning it to them.

every single one that does the song is untenable

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Feed it some nitroglycerine laced sweets then wait for it to explode.

[flotemysost]

I remember taking a pamphlet from some animal rights folk which was questioning the usefulness of animal testing - it kept stating that in theory, certain things wouldn't work on "a man-sized rat", and now that image comes to mind whenever anyone mentions animal testing.

Is it a man-sized rat in your kitchen?

On the plus side, rats and mice won't coexist in the same household so at least you can be sure you're free of those lil' cunts.

[Shit Good Nose]

Just eat it like a hungry vampire who doesn't have the luxury of being choosy.

[flotemysost]

Just eat it like a hungry vampire who doesn't have the luxury of being choosy.

_{Bagpuss remake "tackles dark themes"}

[Shit Good Nose]

It's good cos you can use the tail as a stick.