Author Topic: There’s a rat in my kitchen  (Read 901 times)

The Mollusk

  • The answer my friend is blowing in the mind
Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #30 on: September 12, 2020, 04:11:41 PM »
I once freed one that got its head stuck in a fence, so we off-set each other there and put the universal karma back to zero. 

You "freed" it by punching it out though didn't you, admit it. "Have you out of there in a jiffy mate, here we go, BOSH hahaha."

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #31 on: September 12, 2020, 04:12:37 PM »
You "freed" it by punching it out though didn't you, admit it. "Have you out of there in a jiffy mate, here we go, BOSH hahaha."

Fuck no!!!!!

I kicked it out.

The Mollusk

  • The answer my friend is blowing in the mind
Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #32 on: September 12, 2020, 04:15:31 PM »
Haha yes mate! HOOF. Sheep's are idiots.

Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #33 on: September 12, 2020, 08:54:50 PM »
They look like mini-hippos..... long-tailed, British mini-hippos at the end of a sun-roasted, 8 hour, free booze cruise around some Spanish sewage-sea... All burnt to fuck, heavin' their guts out over the side.


Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #34 on: September 12, 2020, 09:13:32 PM »
I'd nibble the ears off first, like you'd do with a Monster Munch.

Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #35 on: September 12, 2020, 09:36:59 PM »
I don't think they've even gutted them, that's why they look bloated. Maybe they like them that way (with guts) in Africa, but it wouldn't be my cup of tea. Winkles with guts? Yeah ok, if we must; Rats with guts? Eh, no thanks.

H-O-W-L

  • Front Toward Enemy
Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #36 on: September 12, 2020, 09:43:36 PM »
We had a rat climb onto both live and neutral terminals in the fixture of one of the lights in our house the other week.

Ride the Lightning doesn't even begin to describe it. Worst still, we were trying to resolve the issue wrt the power tripping repeatedly, having no idea that little squeaky mcsqueakcunt had clambered his way into an electric chair, and so we kept flipping the switch over and over -- frying the bastard repeatedly.

Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #37 on: September 13, 2020, 12:08:19 AM »
I don't think they've even gutted them, that's why they look bloated. Maybe they like them that way (with guts) in Africa, but it wouldn't be my cup of tea. Winkles with guts? Yeah ok, if we must; Rats with guts? Eh, no thanks.

While searching for that image I came across a fairly gruesome one of some bats in a similar state, hair all singed off, taut bloated bellies, except the most disturbing thing was that their little knobs were intact too, all charred and priapic.

And someone ate that. This year has panned out the way it has because someone ate a bat's cock

Only way to reverse it is now someone needs to get sucked off by a bat

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #38 on: September 13, 2020, 12:13:24 AM »
Is that what they call "smokies", when they just cook a whole animal without doing anything to it (other than killing it) either with a blowtorch or chucking it on a fire?

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #39 on: September 13, 2020, 12:13:29 AM »
I was going to mention how my current abode was the one and only place I'd lived in in London where I hadn't had a rodent try to murder me, but then I thought, what's the point in that? How is that going to help at all? Won't you just come across as an unhelpful smug cunt yet a-fucking-gain? Anyhow, it's no longer true, as about half an hour ago I saw a mouse dashing around the hallway in a panicked fashion, which is annoying beyond belief. At least it's not in my bedroom, but it's surely only a matter of time until it tries to suck me off in the middle of the night like the last one did.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #40 on: September 13, 2020, 12:15:16 AM »
but it's surely only a matter of time until it tries to suck me off in the middle of the night like the last one.

"Bloody hell!!!!  I wonder what his knob's like?!?", etc.

Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #41 on: September 13, 2020, 12:32:19 AM »

Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #42 on: September 13, 2020, 12:35:59 AM »
This is where I'd probably end up making one of the humane mouse (and rat) traps you can google and then popping it in a cage and looking after it

Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #43 on: September 13, 2020, 01:36:45 AM »
fuck it and eat it

Re: There’s a rat in my kitchen
« Reply #44 on: September 13, 2020, 01:56:09 AM »
Catch it, then recreate that bit from American Psycho with the rat and the length of plastic piping.

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