I’m a nonce

[touchingcloth]

AMA

[ProvanFan]

Why do rappers get to chuck the N word about but I can't lull my baby to sleep with it?

[BlodwynPig]

Chris Hansen says "this is too easy guys"

[touchingcloth]

Why do rappers get to chuck the N word about but I can't lull my baby to sleep with it?

I didn't know rappers said it? Even fellow nonces like R Kelly haven't used it in recordings as far as I can remember. You can't lull your baby to sleep with it because it's filled with their own crap.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Would you ever nonce a really ugly kid?

[Captain Z]

Where do you get your crazy ideas from?

[Inspector Norse]

yes I am, and I can't help but love you so

[touchingcloth]

Would you ever nonce a really ugly kid?

What age and hair colour?

[touchingcloth]

Where do you get your crazy ideas from?

Professor Richard Dawkin.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

What are the hours like?

[touchingcloth]

What are the hours like?

Matins, lauds and vespers are meh, sext and nones are great.

[canadagoose]

What spice level on the Dawkins scale are you? Are you more of a korma nonce or a full-on phaal nonce like Savile?

[touchingcloth]

What spice level on the Dawkins scale are you? Are you more of a korma nonce or a full-on phaal nonce like Savile?

Anything pre-biryani. I don't like ones with eggs in.

[pancreas]

If you could change one thing about our political system, what would it be?

[touchingcloth]

If you could change one thing about our political system, what would it be?

Age of consent. Put it back to 18.

[touchingcloth]

And a children's PM.

[pancreas]

Age of consent. Put it back to 18.

Come on—man up. Are you a nonce, or are you a pansy.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

As an aspiring amateur nonce myself, are there any useful pointers you could give me before I finally pluck up the courage to turn fully professional? Good schoolyards to stick my head inbetween the railings at, quickest way to frantically destroy a hard drive while they're bursting down your door, stuff like that.

[famethrowa]

I'm a non CE. I have no conformity with health, safety, and environmental protection standards within the European Economic Area (EEA).

[touchingcloth]

As an aspiring amateur nonce myself, are there any useful pointers you could give me before I finally pluck up the courage to turn fully professional? Good schoolyards to stick my head inbetween the railings at, quickest way to frantically destroy a hard drive while they're bursting down your door, stuff like that.

When you say you're an aspiring amateur nonce, do you mean you currently perform noncing at the amateur level with aspirations to turn professional (I would assume so based on the rest of your post), or that you're not currently a nonce but have aspirations to nonce as an amateur?

If you're not currently noncing at all I would say you just need to put yourself out there. Step up to the plate and go into town with the intention that you are going to nonce the first kid you encounter, whether or not they're with a parent or guardian, whether or not they're a boy or a girl. whether or not they're fat or thin, whether or not they're black or white. Set yourself an age limit of course so you don't end up grabbing a 16 year old for your first "noncing", and just go out there, grab a kid and give 110% to the noncing process.

If you're already noncing as an amateur and hoping to turn professional then you really need a coach and some sponsors. There are great government schemes still available for coaching (they were originally put in place to help Team GB put out a strong nonce squad for Londononce 2012, and the Stratford East Village is an ideal environment for noncing in), and Miramax, Sir Jim'll's company and Toys R Us all offer good sponsorships. A good nonce agent will help you find the coaches and sponsors which are right for you, though you shouldn't agree to them taking any more than 15% of your noncings. I can put you in touch with my agent if you like - he's extremely good and professional, and likes to shout "show me the chocolate money!" which is really very funny!

[Paul Calf]

I'd assume that ESP is maintaining their amateur status to avoid disqualification from the Olympics.

[touchingcloth]

The Noncelympics have accepted professional entrants for quite some time now, I'm sure you can appreciate that the viewing public don't really want to see that sort of thing being done on children by amateurs when they could be watching people like Jericho Beefcock or Stanley Winchester going at them.

Is the proper Olympics still only closed to professionals? In 2020? And there are runners who are more professional than Moseph Farah?