Author Topic: Sausage & egg McBacon  (Read 3876 times)

touchingcloth

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Sausage & egg McBacon
« on: September 14, 2020, 01:25:08 PM »
In a McDonald’s this morning a sweating, anchor-tattooed Brexit in human form approached the automatic ordering machine, and seemed flummoxed when presented with the initial English or Portuguese language selection, probably because it displayed a Union flag rather than George’s Cross.

He approached the counter and barked his order - SAUSAGE AND EGG MCBACON - and the person serving just pointed him back to the machine.

CAN’T I DO IT HERE, SAUSAGE AND EGG MCBACON.

NO I’LL JUST ORDER IT HERE. SAUSAGE AND EGG MCBACON.

The server guided him back round to the machine, stuck it in English and asked him if he wanted the sausage and egg or the bacon and egg McMuffin.

YES. SAUSAGE AND EGG MCBACON. LIKE I SAID, IS IT HARD TO UNDERSTAND SAUSAGE AND EGG MCBACON.

He sadly received no bacon, no sausage and no egg as regrettably I murdered him.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2020, 01:36:04 PM »
Disgusting treatment, customer is always right about McBacon.

Better Midlands

  • I'm not internationally known
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2020, 01:38:45 PM »
They could have just got him a McBacon.
This country.

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2020, 01:41:49 PM »

The Mollusk

  • The answer my friend is blowing in the mind
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2020, 01:43:20 PM »
#mcbacons4justice

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2020, 01:44:22 PM »
They're usually pretty good at understanding neanderthal, I once ordered a 'chocolate big mac' and got the big mac meal with chocolate shake I was after.

Tony Tony Tony

  • CaB Worm Charming Runner Up 2018-2020
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2020, 01:46:36 PM »
Although I don't have any sympathy with the attitude he seemed to display (he seems to think McEmployees probably at minimum wage are beneath contempt) I am with him on those damnable ordering points. They seem to be unable to recognise my existence as a jab away fruitlessly at the screen. They also seem to confuse the very elderly and the hard of thinking who spend ages umming and ahhing over their order then have to start again because they got it wrong. I know phasing out the human element in McDonalds, supermarkets petrol stations and the like counts as 'progress' but the machines are taking over and furthermore they simply don't listen when you scream SAUSAGE AND EGG MCBACON at 'em.

Fuck 'em I say.     

The Mollusk

  • The answer my friend is blowing in the mind
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2020, 01:50:09 PM »
They should be paying him to eat that shit.

Glebe

  • But when Bruce Wayne goes it's all gonna collapse.
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2020, 01:53:04 PM »
I WANT 50 YEAR OLD TINNED CHICKEN PLEASE.

NoSleep

  • This is your Uncle Jim speaking
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Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2020, 01:54:05 PM »
Brexit Life Tatters

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2020, 01:54:09 PM »
MAYBE HE DIDSNT WANT TO CATCH THE COVID!!!!!!!

touchingcloth

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Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2020, 01:54:25 PM »
MCGAMMON EGGS AND FRIES

touchingcloth

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Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2020, 01:56:46 PM »


That will be four Euros and eighty fi cen, please, sir.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2020, 02:00:02 PM »
A sausage and an egg between 2 slices of bacon?

(AKA 'The McCholesterol') 

touchingcloth

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Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2020, 02:01:06 PM »
Egg in a fucking pig in a fucking blanket.

Butchers Blind

  • I don't want the undertaker stealing my sins
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #15 on: September 14, 2020, 02:06:59 PM »
Who'd have thought all those years ago we'd still be eating McDonald's in 2020. Crazy world.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #16 on: September 14, 2020, 02:07:32 PM »
Why was the machine displaying an option for either English or Portuguese? Are you in the Algarve?

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #17 on: September 14, 2020, 02:10:09 PM »
I remember hearing a story about a guy who couldn't read menus and ordered a Big Mac Chicken Legend Sundae.

touchingcloth

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Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #18 on: September 14, 2020, 02:11:12 PM »
Why was the machine displaying an option for either English or Portuguese? Are you in the Algarve?

Yes, I don’t think they give the option up north, even in Lisbon.

I think it’s fair enough that things like ATMs have got language options as they’re purely text-based, but the mind boggles at the kind of waste of flesh who can’t navigate a near entirely image-based menu system where a picture of a Big Mac is displayed in case you’re not familiar with the Portuguese name of “Big Mac”.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #19 on: September 14, 2020, 02:15:00 PM »
What's Portuguese for Sausage & Egg McBacon then? Actually, what the fuck is a McBacon? Isn't it McMuffin?

Edit: Ah, I see you already addressed the McBacon/McMuffin quandary in your original post. Apologies.

Cuntbeaks

  • Where you fay?
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #20 on: September 14, 2020, 02:25:24 PM »
Brexit McGammon.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #21 on: September 14, 2020, 02:27:58 PM »
Can't remember the last time I had a McDonald's.
It would have been in the McRib days, I know that much.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #22 on: September 14, 2020, 02:31:29 PM »
My theory that all meat eaters are cunts continues to be accurate.

touchingcloth

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Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #23 on: September 14, 2020, 02:34:08 PM »
What's Portuguese for Sausage & Egg McBacon then? Actually, what the fuck is a McBacon? Isn't it McMuffin?

Edit: Ah, I see you already addressed the McBacon/McMuffin quandary in your original post. Apologies.

Sausage muffins don’t seem to be a thing here, but here’s the Portuguese equivalent of the Bacon & Egg McMuffin on mcdonalds.pt: https://www.mcdonalds.pt/produtos/pequeno-almoco/americano/bacon-egg-mcmuffin#

And yes, the issue was that he made up a new menu item and kept on barking it expecting the server to understand what he wanted through his thick Essex accent.

Barking at minimum wage staff seems to be a favourite hobby of people in the Algarve. People in customer-facing jobs nearly all speak impeccable English so you don’t have to talk loudly and slowly, but if you bellow things which don’t exist or aren’t common names for things then people might look at you blankly, through no fault of theirs. I watched some old twat shouting in a Yorkshire accent for “COKE LIGHT”, when coke tends to be called “cola” (or by a specific brand name), and “light” isn’t a fucking thing anyway.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2020, 02:34:31 PM »
Bet he calls actual bacon McBacon and milkshakes McShakes. And all beer Stella.

touchingcloth

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Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2020, 02:37:26 PM »
Once in a pub in Kent I saw a man named Nigel - a regular judging by the woman at the bar fetching his own dimpled glass from the rafters - announce “Stella Artois, please, Susan”, except he said “Artois” to rhyme with “tortoise”.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #26 on: September 14, 2020, 02:56:02 PM »
I get the feeling that Nige knows full well the correct pronunciation of Artois, but he says it wrong to be be zany and entertaining. What a lege.

Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #27 on: September 14, 2020, 02:59:07 PM »
But I don't know what to do with those Mc Tossed Salads and Mc Scrambled Eggs

Tony Tony Tony

  • CaB Worm Charming Runner Up 2018-2020
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #28 on: September 14, 2020, 03:02:46 PM »
Once in a pub in Kent I saw a man named Nigel - a regular judging by the woman at the bar fetching his own dimpled glass from the rafters - announce “Stella Artois, please, Susan”, except he said “Artois” to rhyme with “tortoise”.

Bet it was deliberate with the barmaid finding it 'hilarious' every single time.

Reminds me of Brian Clough who used to say 'Joe-Han Cruff' for Johan Cruyff. Even when corrected he would simply plough on the same way regardless.

The Mollusk

  • The answer my friend is blowing in the mind
Re: Sausage & egg McBacon
« Reply #29 on: September 14, 2020, 03:05:50 PM »
Bet he calls actual bacon McBacon and milkshakes McShakes. And all beer Stella.

Quentin Brexitino's PULP GAMMON

[VINCENT]
Was on that Shit Europe page on Facebook last night. You know what the stupidest shit about Europe is?

[JULES]
WOT

[VINCENT]
It's the little diffrences. A lot of the same shit we got 'ere, they got there, but it's diffrent.

[JULES]
LIKE WOT

[VNCENT]
You know wot they call a SAUSIGE & EGG MCBACON in Paris?

[JULES]
THEY DON'T CALL IT SAUSIGE & EGGS MCBACON?

[VINCENT]
Nah mate, they got fuckin weird language there, they dunno wot the fuck SAUSIGE EGG & MCBACON is.

[JULES]
WOT THEY CALL IT

[VINCENT]
They call it (affects undetectable accent, twiddles fingers in the air) Sausage and Egg McMuffin.

[JULES]
YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP. WOT THEY CALL BIG MAC

[VINCENT]
Dunno mate was just some meme I saw. Probably somethin like (affects undetectable accent) Beef Macintosh

[JULES]
HAHAHA (affects undetectable accent) BEEFY MACINTOSH

[VINCENT]
Tell you what else, you know what they put on chips in Holland instead of ketchup?

[JULES]
WOT

[VINCENT]
Dog cum. Actual real dog cum mate.

[JULES]
FUCK OFF

[VINCENT]
It's true mate swear down, Keith with the big arms showed me a video down the pub, lass in a fuckin apron and paper hat in some alley givin this german shepherd a handy, fuckin could not believe it

[JULES]
FUCK RIGHT OFF

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