Celebrities still doing things in places.

[Glebe]

You spot Jackie Chan in a service station in Hull but nobody believes you. "He was paying for a packet of Rancheros with his Mastercard!"

Tony Blair strangles several hundred ocelots with his bare hands and buries them in a ditch in Cheltenham.

Joan Collins goes wind-surfing on a pond in Denby.

Ice Cube explores Inglewood on a giant space hopper.

[Glebe]

Craig Revel Horwood does a plate-spinning routine for family and friends in a disused garage in Hackney.

James Comey goes on the dodgems at Blackpool for half an hour.

Will Wheaton describes crisps as "crunchable, nice" to a local reporter in Cheshire.

Cardi B, Currys, Manchester. Browsing.

[Glebe]

Vicki Michelle trips on a loose paving stone in Twickenham and writes a polite letter to the council about it, dabbing the page with a tiny amount of novichock before going to dinner with Mark Curry.

"Sorry I'm late, Vicki! My brother who works for the council was taken ill!"

Piers Morgan again, making small talk with the trendily tattooed man cutting his hair, thinks 'Yes. I have it. I have the common touch'.

"I just have to keep faking it. I WILL KILL AGAIN."

[dissolute ocelot]

Leo Sayer crawling out of a grave in Port of Spain to check his Spotify rank, and crawling back in again.

[batwings]

Rose West chasing a spider around her cell at 2am.

Duncan Bannatyne playing Ikari Warriors on a MAME cabinet in a Helskinki rapist sanctuary.

Richard Jobson having a 9/10 bum crisis in an Airbus toilet over Libya.

[Glebe]

Robert Llewellyn crushes Pete Waterman at Jenga in a cave beneath Cromer Pier.

Mitch McConnell stuffs a Care Bear into a newspaper dispenser in Wyoming and laughs his head off.

Sienna Miller visits Bob Carolgee's candle shop, (checks Wiki) Carolgees Candles in Frodsham, Cheshire. Actually apparently he doesn't run it anymore so she did this in the past.

Kristin Bell runs Josh Whedon over in her Land Rover in Duluth.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Sienna Miller purchases a small rucksack from Decathlon in Wandsworth.

[Glebe]

Pob purchases Bob Dylan's new album on iTunes on his laptop whilst enjoying a latte in his local cafe in Edgbaston.

Craig Charles disappoints a cygnet by not offering it any breadcrumbs by a pond in a park in Bootle. "Sorry fella, got nothing on me today. Not sure that breadcrumbs are good for birds actually... I'll bring something tomorrow anyway, maybe aniseed or that, like."

[bgmnts]

Chris Eubank eating porridge at a barn dance.

[dissolute ocelot]

Jennifer Love Hewitt browning mince in Boise.

[batwings]

Val Doonican searching the Astral Plane for his lost Rubik's Cube.

Salman Rushdie hiding in a friend's airing cupboard, wanking to an IPad photo of his own arsehole.

Jude Law arguing with his cornflakes on a Cannes hotel balcony.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Alex Jones spewing her ring in a bin in Swansea city centre.

Christopher Biggins failing his seventh driving test in Weston Super Mare.

Derek Jacobi auditioning for the Newsnight presenter gig. 

[greenman]

Peter Beardsley adding ketchup beyond the proprietary sachet to a pot noodle in a caravan near Berwick Upon Tweed

[frajer]

Julian Rhind-Tutt is found cow-tipping. He says it's for a new show airing next Autumn but can't remember any more details and "must have dropped" his camera.

[Glebe]

Kirsty Wark rolls a lemon down a hill near the banks of the Clyde.

Nicky Campbell belts out 'Roll Out the Barrell' to a gaggle of enrapt geese on a farm in East Sussex.

Tara Fitzgerald discovers a conch on a midnight walk on the beach at Blackpool.

Harrison Ford wakes Calista Flockhart to tell her he has seen the ghost of Denholm Elliot during a stay at a B&B in Killarney.

[Glebe]

Phil Daniels rides a Vespa around Plumstead screaming, "IT'S STILL THE 1970'S IN MY HEAD!"

Marco Pierre White crams a load of gooseberries into mouth and rolls around Wandsworth Common.

Doobie Duck stages a comeback in Huddersfield with Extreme Noise Terror as support.

Dita Von Tesse picks up a cucumber and quips, "Ooh, look the size of that, missus!" to the amusement of all around her in a Tesco Express in Halifax.

[batwings]

Jude Law digs a hole in a field on Osea Island for over an hour in the rain.

[Glebe]

Fiona Shaw leaves copies of Flann O' Brien's At Swim Two Birds at various points between Clare and Donegal. Somebody spots her and says, "It's Harry Potter's aunt!" and she tells them to read something more substantial - "like Flann O' Brien's At Swim Two Birds!"

Gregg Wallace goes to Scotland Yard to inform them about a series of slapstick pie attacks that have occurred at the BBC over the last year. "Nobody else wants to speak up about it, but I fear this comedic rapscallion's reign of terror may continue for some time to come - whomsoever he or she may be!" Suddenly, Wallace himself is assaulted by the pie fiend - and upon tasting the shaving foam automatically cries, "Vat is laverley!"

Tim Blake Nelson overturns an ossuary in Mexico in search of "the perfect bone".

Greil Marcus prepares a thesis concerning Vanilla's 'No Way No Way' to be read before a hand-picked audience of music academics at Carnegie Hall.

[Glebe]

Lorne Michaels orders an egg sandwich in a diner in downtown Manhattan, takes a sip of coffee and opens The Wall Street Journal. The coffee is cold, the egg sandwich is late, and boy, is The Journal ever boring!

Martin Freeman rubs Deep Heat into his knee on a park bench in Rhyl.

M People front lady Heather Small discharges an air rifle in a bungalow in Chiswick.

Bill Oddie spots a genuine UFO whilst bird watching in Patagonia.

[dissolute ocelot]

From Wikipedia

Bob Humphrys, was a sports television presenter on BBC Wales Today. He died of lung cancer in Cardiff on 19 August 2008, aged 56.

[Glebe]

Kirk Hammet feeds a chimpanzee sardines at an inlet on Alcatraz.

The late John Noakes interviewed the late Ariel Sharon in a dustbin in Kent in 1993.

Paul Hogan enjoys a full packet of Tim Tams with a koala on his back porch, wherever he lives in Australia and assuming it has a back porch.

Joan Collins sets up a hedge fund for lonely tossers beneath Mount Fuji.

[Glebe]

Annabelle the scary doll goes into a Spar in Armagh. "Twenty Rothmans mate. Keep the change. Cheers, bye."

Limmy goes to Nicola Sturgeon's house to protest the building of a bypass that will cut straight through a hedgehog sanctuary near Glasgow.

Andrew Neil electrocutes Jim Davidson in Cricklewood.

Sarah Silverman glues thousands of snails to the roof of a disused nightclub in Burbank, "to see what will happen".

[batwings]

Carol Thatcher contemplates eternal nothingness while eating a Cadburys Cream Egg in a layby outside Cirencester.

Using his helicopter, Noel Edmonds repeatedly buzzes a group of hikers on a footpath than runs annoyingly close to his New Zealand mansion.

[Glebe]

Using his helicopter, Noel Edmonds repeatedly buzzes a group of hikers on a footpath than runs annoyingly close to his New Zealand mansion.

Just want to belatedly say that you've done a lot of cracking posts in the last while batwings. As for Edmonds, he returns to his NZ home to discover a number of cheeky Kiwi youths in his orchard. "C'mere, you scrumpahs!"

Sarah Paulson plays chess with a meerkat on the edge of Niagara Falls for a week.

Joe Biden plays DC Universe Online for four hours straight before remembering he has more pressing matters at hand right now.

Noel Edmonds sends a basket of freshly-picked apples to Peter Jackson. "I'm sorry Noel, I cannot accept these as they are sour and worm-ridden," Jackson emails back.

[Glebe]

A.C. Grayling ponders the apple during a visit to his local market.

Tessa Thompson decimates the ant population of South Florida using only a vacuum cleaner.

In 1959, Lonnie Donegan battered a sea lion with a ukulele in Hove.

William Hurt complains about gonad pain to his local GP. At his local GP's surgery.

[Glebe]

Jack Whitehall eats a single Wagon Wheel during an outing to Furness.

All of Mumford & Sons cram into a station wagon and go and solve a mystery in an old castle in Dunfermline.

Jessica Hynes has a expletive-laden argument with a squirrel over the lack of nuts on her nut tree in the back garden of her new maisonette in Basingstoke.

John Torode shits himself during a live broadcast from Deptford.

[Fr.Bigley]

Anthony Worral-Thompson attends a cheese competition in Hove, Ironically dressed as a store security guard.

Beverly Knight attends a Larping event smacked off her tits on benadryl demanding to be promoted to Knight on account of her name.

Michael Portillo derailing the west coast mainline train with his Austin Metro because the Beeb wouldn't renew Great railway journeys.

Bob Geldof has a bath.

Gregory Porter judges a balaclava competition on the shankill estate in Belfast.

[dissolute ocelot]

Awkwafina buying shallots in Gateshead.

Andrzej Duda laughing at an ugly swan in the Sudetenland.

Also the 100th anniversary of Richard Strauss stoning a quince in Chemnitz.

[Glebe]

Viola Davis spends the weekend throwing pop tarts at people from a bridge in Saskatoon.

Edward James Olmos FedEx's a company of voles to James Taylor from his new cabin in Prague.

Derek Acorah haunts Yvette Fielding during a stay in an old mansion in Hereford with her new boyfriend, Wolf from Gladiators.

Brian Cox (TV scientist, not actor) gets stuck in the Large Hadron Collider trying to retrieve a cool pop.

[ElTwopo]

Jeremy Irons spends most of his free time getting drunk in St Moritz, trying to build up enough courage to do the Cresta Run.